How to Limit Guests

I say just do a cut by seeing who you REALLY want there vs who you would like there. Thats what i did. People normally understand if you let them know that it's supposed to be an intimate affair.

You’ll probably just have to sit down and sift through everyone. Budget is very important!!

You just have to start cutting people. Say you’re having a small intimate wedding with just closets family and friends. That always works

You’re going to have to tell them you’re having a small and intimate wedding.

If anyone asks just explain to them that you are keeping things small. Most people should understand but there might be a couple people who have hurt feelings but you just can't concern yourself with that. Not going into debt over one day is a much higher priority than having to please everyone.

Our cut off was everyone had to both know FH and me as a couple. None of the his/hers side or mother's friends. This alsp cut out extended family. We ended up with 65 ppl invited.

The smaller the guest list, the easier it’ll be to tell people when they ask about their invite “I’m sorry but we decided to have a small wedding (or basically family only).”

You could hold an afternoon wedding with a “cake & punch” reception in your church hall and invite all of these guests to your wedding/reception. Or, you could host a cake & punch reception a week or more later and invite all those not invited to your wedding.

Everyone can come to the wedding but the reception is invitation only and I agree with everyone else, small intimate affair

View Quoted Comment No, no. I’m not recommending a tiered wedding which is really rude in the U.S. Whomever is invited to the wedding should be invited to the reception immediately following—which can just be cake & punch. If she wants a more lavish reception (meal, dancing, etc), then she can hold just a “cake & punch” reception for her church friends on another day.

Rather than trying to cut the list down start over.

1 the two of you (people forget that you're a part of the count)
2 parents, siblings, your children if you have any, wedding party, and any significant others
3 grandparents, and SOs
4 aunts, uncles, and cousins, or close friends depending on who is more important to you, and SOs
5 the reverse of the above
6 others (distant relatives, parents friends, less close friends, coworkers,etc) and once again SOs

Once you hit the guest list limit stop!

I'm not including children because it's a great way to cut the list. If you must include them put them in at the same level as their parents. It's ok to include kids at an upper level but not a lower level (neices and nephews but not friends' kids, for example)

In my church-everyone is generally invited to the ceremony and not the reception and people are not offended, you have to know your guests

We had the same issue. At the end of the day, we had a limit and started with family first. Then friends. We invited people that we knew were going to be there to support our marriage for the long haul. People we knew we could count on in the good and bad times!

View Quoted Comment That's a great idea- Thanks!

Thanks y'all for all the help! It is helpful to know I wasn't the only person making hard decisions on who I could or couldn't invite due to budget. Thanks!

View Quoted Comment Are they invited by a mailed invitation or by way of an announcement from the pulpit/program/bulletin board? If it's a general announcement then it's fine to not extend an invitation to the reception. Churches are open to the membership and often general community, they aren't going to turn someone away who shows up for a service. If an actual invitation is sent however, then the reception must be included.

So I just got a wedding etiquette book by Emily post and in it it says you can limit your guest list by creating tiers.
first tier is immediate family like parents, siblings, step siblings, grandparents and the couples children
second tier is extended family like aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews
third tier is family friends
fourth is bride and grooms friends
fifth tier is parents colleagues.
this way you can omit an entire tier or a group or groups within that tier. This makes it easier to explain too.

So my FH and I both have huge families and not enough space to accommodate all of them. We both also want a small wedding (easily could be 400 with just family). We are inviting immediate family only (parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles and first cousins). After we invite friends and anyone else we want there, we will have to option of adding more family until we reach our cap, if we want. We will have a big party later on for people who weren’t able to come.

By doing immediate family, it is a clear line, so it will hopefully be more understandable to those who didn’t make the cut.

View Quoted Comment In my, and my future in-laws, opinion, tier 4 should be tier 2. Extended family and family friends may be people you see only every decade or so. Inviting them over "family by choice" can often fill up your entire guest list before you realize it. Ours was:

Tier 1: immediate family
Tier 2: family by choice
Tier 3: extended family & friends who have been in both our lives
Tier 4 (not invited): extended family/family friends who have never met (or barely know) FS.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this teir. My FH always says family is everything so that's something where it really is impossible to cut.

View Quoted Comment Thanks. We decided first cousins were our cut off.