How to let some people know they might get a plus one?

I meant to include that our wedding is in august and I was planning on sending invites out in may

I had this a few times. When people asked I said my fiance and I hadn't fully talked about plus ones yet, but we would decide before invitations went out, so they would know for sure when they received the invitation. If people pushed for more than that, I told them a lot of it depended on where we were with our budget, so we were waiting until closer to the date to make sure we could accommodate plus ones.

Alternately, one of my friends is said they are waiting to decide on plus ones until closer to the wedding to see what is going on with covid at that point and how many people they felt comfortable having (Their wedding is much smaller than mine so this is perfect for them)

View Quoted Comment I like this thank you!

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No problem! Happy wedding planning!

August is a long way off. I wouldn't bring it up with anyone unless they ask. If they do, you can tell them you'll decide when the date is closer based on whatever the COVID restrictions are then.

What many people don’t realize or care is that a plus one is not the same as a significant other.

How many people are in relationships and how many are truly single/unattached including the Tinder daters?
Anyone in a relationship, regardless of the time together, which is not up for judgment, is an automatic invite. Their partner is a significant other, not a plus one. The significant other is listed by name on the invitation and it doesn’t matter if you have not met them (impossible in the Covid age of FaceTime) or you don’t like them. You also don’t have the authority to decide that it’s only for couples with a ring, officially engaged or married. Many couples are together who are not married, either they are newly established and not ready to announce it to the world or they are common law spouses who have no desire to marry. That is not your place to judge because you cannot ask anyone to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting theirs.
A plus one is for a truly single person who is not seeing anyone period. These are always optional and many couples don’t invite them because they don’t want and/or can’t afford random strangers. That is their right. Attending single is very common and many people have a great time. The date won’t enjoy themselves because they don’t know anyone except the single.
Significant others should have been included by name on the save the dates. Optional plus ones are last minute decisions for the guests and can be listed on the invite only if you decide to include them.

View Quoted Comment I see what you’re saying and I understand the difference between a plus one and a significant other. To me tho these specific friends I would like to invite but I don’t have room for their new boyfriends yet. Instead of not extending the save the date I included just them and I’m just trying to be proactive in what to say IF they ask about bringing them. I’m pretty sure they won’t ask, but I just like to know what to say in case.


I just have so many family and other friends invited that I literally had no one else to cut. I didn’t want to go over our max allowed in case 100% rsvp yes. So their new bfs got cut for now. When the time comes for me to order invites, if they are still together then I’ll include them on an invitation if I have others decline and I know for sure I have room. I just don’t want to risk over inviting!

View Quoted Comment Be aware that a strong view among many on WW is that if the boyfriend/girlfriend/partner regardless of the period of time they have been together is not listed on the invitation, the invited guest will decline. Guests will never tell the couple directly when they are upset or offended but they will talk with other friends/family.


Are there relatives you aren’t close to, parents’ friends or friends you don’t keep in current contact with who can be cut to accommodate the partners?

No one actually asked us this (we addressed save the dates the same way). Maybe to one or two people when we were together in a small social setting if we were talking wedding stuff we’d say something like “you can bring XX if you want” sort of thing. I just made sure to get concrete info and full names for invite time. If someone asks, just be specific. Like “yes, BEN can come” versus “you’ll have a plus one” that way it suggests if Ben isn’t around by invite time theres not a blanket extra guest invite.

View Quoted Comment I understand I did feel really bad not including them but we made absolutely every cut possible. These are some friends from high school that I’m still friends with on Facebook and I do plan on inviting their boyfriends when the time comes if the room allows! I knew they would be hurt if I didn’t invite them at all so this was how I had to compromise with my fiancé

View Quoted Comment Very good point thank you!

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I’m a 55+ widow (6 yrs) with an SO. My cousin’s daughter sent a save the date to me with “and Guest”, but when the invitation arrived, it didn’t include a guest, and the online rsvp won’t allow any deviation from it. So I’m now the guest Michelle describes: I won’t/can’t ask the bride about the save the date vs the invitation, so now I don’t want to go. Was this an etiquette failure, to suggest I could bring a guest, then change it once the invite came out? (I already told my SO to plan on coming to the wedding per the save the date. Now I have to walk that back..)

When addressing the outside envelope, include the guest's first and last name but leave out the words "and guest." This allows the invited guest to understand that the invitation is intended for them. They will be able to see the "plus one" once they open the card. The phrase "and guest" is not required on the envelope.