How to involve & remember friends who are not invited?

Are you opposed to doing a live stream of the ceremony? That way, they can still witness it, even if they aren't there in person? Otherwise, I love the ideas you mentioned already!

I think in addition to them writing notes to you, you could write letters to each of those friends expressing how important they are to you and how much you wish they could be there on your wedding day and send it to them beforehand

I’d stream it too. Hope has a fabulous idea on you writing a note as well. I would stay away from calling your friends as you’re going to be busy getting ready.

I think streaming would be a good option if you’re open to it! That way they can still feel like they’re there with you on your special day

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Ok my only issue with streaming is we're having a catholic ceremony and it'll be a 45-60 min mass - i don't think my friends won't want to sit through that virtually. Also, i feel like the streaming is only for them to feel part of the wedding, it doesn't enhance my connection with them - does that make sense?

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Aside from live streaming, how would they feel involved if they can't attend?

For me personally I wouldn't have a ceremony if I couldn't have friends in attendance because I have a closer relationship with them than relatives. I would do everything in my power to see that they were invited. Even if that means cutting out some things you don't care about to afford the extra guests.

Can you host a dinner with friends after the fact? Or can you invite them, at this point? If we’re talking about a few very close friends and no plus ones, that’s still a small wedding. Your ideas are a good way to have them there for your sake, which is important, but from the not invited friend perspective, I wouldn’t feel very involved. If anything, I’d just feel confused as to why I wasn’t invited if I mean that much.

Why are you choosing to do it this way? If i were your friend i'd obviously be super happy for you to be getting married and understand a small family wedding in COVID times. BUT, I would also be a little put off that if you're not inviting me, you still want to feel connected with me the day of and have me write you notes and zoom with you. Like, if you want me to be involved, invite me. This seems very odd.

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I agree with this. Send an invite. Or else you may put some people off who don't see your logic as honoring them and instead drift away.

View Quoted Comment I also agree with this.

Ladies - thank you for the introspective questions and ways to think about this. I'm really not that close with my friends - or my extended family, which is why I choose to have a small wedding to begin with. I needed to remind myself of that fact and have my own back in my decision.

I think I was uncomfortable with the idea of telling them they weren't invited.

I've told them, they are fine with it and happy for me. I'm doing a birthday/bachelorette party for myself and they were excited for an opportunity to celebrate with me without going to the wedding. At the party, I will give them an opportunity to write me a note to be read the morning of - if they want to.

No live streaming, no zoom call in the morning. I don't want any of that fuss anyways.

I love what Lisa suggested: A live stream of the ceremony is a great )and the best) idea.

However:I personally dislike the ideas you mentioned: ask and collect notes,have them sign a ribbon or the Zoom call while getting ready. it would strongly remind me I'm not invited . I dislike these ideas as a groom too.

I'm not saying it's rude to have a small family-only wedding, your wishes are totally fine,valid; but I would feel left out or I would feel (very,very,very) bad as a groom for not inviting them. I know you and some posters will disagree with this but this is my opinion.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Plus if you aren't really close with them, then I don't see why you feel the need to include them in some way. I'm not saying you're wrong for wanting to include them, I just don't understand it or see the point.

I would live stream it! I wouldn't want to participate in a wedding I wasn't witnessing in some fashion.

When I am not invited, I don't get upset, or feel neglected, But after not being invited, I put it aside until some later time when I may see pictures. All of the things you mention seem childishly inappropriate. Except zoom, where I can tune in to see the people who did get invited to the party enjoy themselves. A bizarre, complete opposite of usual etiquette. ... Sometimes I wish I had received an invitation to a wedding, but very often I have not the slightest wish to go. Which makes it more strange if the bride is carrying a ribbon, and you would not have gone even had you been invited. Bride intends it as an honor to be thought of by her on wedding day. How arrogant, to one who really does not mind not being invited. I hope you think again, and neither you or anyone else does these things. People are invited, or they are not. Now leave it alone. So you won't do anyone any honors carrying their name, or embarrass yourself offering to let me see the party you are not inviting me to ...while I am am someone else's wedding I would have chosen over yours, or simply sitting on the beach, same as I would have been if I was invited and declined. . All these type honors ??? are mostly in the bride's mind. You did not have room. Or we have been out of contact a while. Or we told you we had a conflicting event. We are fine. Leave it alone, no consolation prizes. Please.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I personally would not want to be honored in any way at someones wedding whom didn't invite me to their wedding. It seems a bit odd. You honor your parents and honor loved ones who passed, but friends who you simply didn't invite regardless of reason just doesn't seem like the best option.

I would just let it be, especially if you aren't that close to your friends, as you mentioned above. I understand the sentiment behind what you're trying to do, but I don't think there's any good way to go about it, especially if you're not even live streaming the ceremony for those friends to view. Those who want to wish you well will do so without being asked.