How to include future mil in wedding planning if she lives in another state?

Communication and if you want her to be there for venues and to be a part of dress shopping. Is it expensive for her to travel to you?

View Quoted Comment While I don't think it's super expensive for her, she also has a job and I don't think she necessarily wants to fly down for one thing each. Those are good ideas, nonetheless, thank you!

I’d give her options for things that you and your spouse have narrowed it down to. Ex: we narrowed it down to two options and FMIL made the final call on the rehearsal invites. Maybe let her do the rehearsal dinner planning if she wants? I always make sure to give her wedding updates. Like a text that says “we’ve booked our florist! Do you have any preference on what flowers are used for your corsage?” Or if you’re doing a memory table, ask her to take charge of the photos for her side of the family. Little things like that. I also sent her a picture of my dress when I got it and pictures of the bridesmaids dresses. We took her to lunch to who’s catering our dinner (not possible in your case). You could always ask if there’s a specific brand of wine or beer she wants served? Ask her specific questions about their family that would pertain to the wedding like “it won’t offend anyone if we do a seating chart, right?” (Her preference is no seating chart). I asked if her and her husband wanted to do speeches, about the mother son dance, if she wants her hair/makeup done with us. There’s little things she can still take part in from a distance. It’s hard.

View Quoted Comment Those ideas are amazing! Thank you so much! I'm definitely going to implement those in my wedding planning

My FMIL came from Michigan to California for a long weekend to go dress shopping with me, my mom and sister. She only had boys, and her other son doesn’t look like will be with anyone anytime soon, so I thought it would be nice to include her in something she would likely not have an experience of cause she never had girls.


She’s also my something borrowed. I decided to ask my mom for something old, my FMIL for something borrowed and my sister who came with me dress shopping/my moh for something blue.
I did invite my FMIL to get ready with us day of, but she said that she wanted to get ready in her room. I think it’s because she might want to spend some time with her boys before the ceremony.

Definitely see if there’s an option to include her food, drink or dessert choice in your menu. For example, if you’re having a three-tier cake it could be fun to let her pick one of the tiers. If she loves Bellinis, maybe make that your signature drink for cocktail hour.


I agree with other posters such as asking her to gather family photos for a memory table.

I live in Chicago and I'm getting married in Florida (where my parents and future inlaws live). I'm still pretty early in planning since I still have a year to go, but I've been texting/sending pictures to both my mom and FMIL for everything so I make sure both sides of the family are included.