How To Include FH's Older Children In Small Informal Ceremony

It didn't include the other 2. My daughter saw it on Etsy and loved it and I didn't even really think about it because I'm so used to it just being us 5. But she made a post on FB last night about being left out of important things right after the cake topper was seen.

Maybe it has to do with that Maybe not. But either way I'm not using it now because it doesn't include them. Unfortunately I can't find one like that with 5 kids and us so I'll just switch to something completely different.

I've asked her and the other females coming to the wedding if they could help decorate the place for me. But is there something else I could do to make her and her brother feel special? I don't want to ask too much of them because I want them to be able to enjoy the evening but I don't want to leave them out either.

Any suggestions?

They could be your witnesses (sign the marriage certificate).

Will there be readings during the ceremony? If there are you could ask them to do the readings.

Are they musically inclined? They could play or sing a song during the ceremony.

ETA: Love Tina's idea!

Perhaps you guys could say vows to all of your children during the ceremony?

Having a family member be excluded is hurtful. When my fsil asked if my son (fh's stepson) would be hurt to not be in their wedding but have my other son (with fh) because he's not really family hurt and still hurts 4 years later. I can only imagine how hurt she was to see she was not part of the family regardless of where she lives.

I do like the idea of asking them to be the witnesses. It is something they are old enough and the younger three have their roles.

I've seen people here suggest giving a rose to their mothers at the beginning of the ceremony. Maybe you could give one to each of them? E&M's suggestion about the reading also sounds good.

Don't have her come decorate. That's not an honored role. That's free labor.

Witnesses, readings, lighting a unity candle, MOH or BM. Those are honored roles.

Perhaps they could stand up with you & FH during the ceremony (BM & MOH)?

Oh and ask the guys to help decorate too; they can be very helpful (keep a close on them though)!

I'm against saying vows to children. Vows are between consenting adults making a lifetime commitment. Children had no choice in the matter and don't have to promise anything.

I don't have the children say vows to the parents/stepparents, just the other way around.

Dup post

I have had parents say vows to kids (never the other way around) but it seems a little weird when thy are that old. They could walk you up the aisle...you could do a sand/glass/water pouring with everyone. They could do readings. And yes, at that age, they could sign the license.

If it was me, I would have his two older children stand up as the maid of honor and best man.

ETA: I completely agree Sqwiggy.

I love the idea of them witnessing and signing the marriage license but...(we just happened to get ours today!) there's no spot for witnesses. Just for the person who marries us

FH and I talked and he's going to see if they'd like to stand up in the wedding as BM and MOH.

Another question...I currently have "our" table including me, FH, the 3 young kids and FH's parents.

I assumed his older kids would rather sit with their same age cousins and the daughter also has a boyfriend who would be attending.

But now I don't know if maybe I should include them at our table too? Include boyfriend or no?

You absolutely must have them sit with you at your table. To me, that would be a huge slap in the face that they wouldn't be included at their father's table (the boyfriend should definitely be included, too). Its a good choice not to use the cake topper. I love the idea of having them do a reading if you are having any. I'm sure they would be honored to stand up with you guys! This is really about you all coming together as ONE family.