Just Said Yes June 2022

How to include deceased father

Lindsey, on April 28, 2021 at 1:06 AM Posted in Planning 0 13
Hi fellow brides to be! I'm starting to plan my fiance's and my wedding for 2022 but have one thing that just keeps weighing on me. My dad passed away about 10 years ago and he was a MAJOR part of my life (daddy's girl for sure). I want to include him somehow to honor him without making it too sad. Anyone have some ideas or want to share what they did if they've been in this boat? Thanks ladies


Latest activity by Renay, on May 3, 2021 at 3:31 PM
  • Melanie
    Dedicated June 2019
    Melanie ·
    • Flag
    My aunt had her wedding a couple months after her son passed away. She did a couple things to honor him. One thing she did was reserve a seat for him at the table with all his siblings. She put a picture of him in his spot. She also wore a necklace he made her when he was little. Another thing she did was make the first song they played at her wedding his favorite song. The last thing she did to honor him was to display photos with him and the rest of the family on the guestbook table. I hope this helps!!!
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  • Jennifer
    Dedicated May 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    You can do a photo charm of your dad that goes on your bouquet wrap too! My fiancé's cousin did that for her wedding.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    My dad passed away when I was in college, 12 years before we got married, and 13 years before our wedding celebration (moved a year due to Covid).

    Both my parents and my husband's parents had lasting marriages so one thing I want to do to honor that is include photos from both their weddings, which will be placed at a table in the reception area (either with the place cards and gifts table or at our sweetheart table most likely).

    Father-daughter dances at weddings are always very hard on me. We are planning on doing a single parent-child dance instead, where I dance with my mom and my husband dances with his mom (I'm open to having his sister join in with his dad as well, so its the entire immediate families). By doing
    one joint parent-child dance it feels less like I'm having to replace my dad for something he is lost for and more like we are just doing some sort of slightly new tradition instead. I am intending to walk myself down the aisle.

    Quite a few of my loved ones won't be there (my dad who has passed, and then a few others who cannot/will not come for various reasons), so I don't want to overly focus on who isn't there and instead embrace and celebrate with those who are.

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  • devotedlydavis
    Devoted March 2022
    devotedlydavis ·
    • Flag
    I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your dad. I’m in the same boat and planning this day without him seems to just make you miss them a bit more.

    I’m still trying to find the best way to honor him, but I do plan to incorporate his two brothers so I feel like a piece of him will be there. One will walk me down the aisle and the other will do the father/daughter dance with me.
    • Reply
  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    There are so many special ways to do this.

    Think about what makes your dad special. Think of some of his favorite things. Maybe his favorite cocktail (serve it as a signature drink) or his favorite color (mix it into your bouquet.) If there's a piece of jewelry that he always wore, ask to borrow it (if it is in someone else's possession.)

    Bears were significant to me and my dad, and we used to look at the stars and moon together when I was a kid. So I got an Ursa Major ("Greater Bear", the Big Dipper constellation) pin to put either on my bouquet or on my dress.

    A good way to keep it from being sad is to focus on things from his life, as opposed to the fact that he is not present. No offense to those who do this, because everyone should handle this in a way that comforts them, but things like empty chairs make people sad because they are focusing on the absence of that person. Incorporating things like their favorite foods, or putting their favorite color or flower in your bouquet, focuses on that person's existence (who they were when they were alive) instead of their absence, and is less likely to bring about sadness.

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  • Stephanie
    Dedicated October 2021
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag
    I’m in a similar situation and it’s so hard. I’m thinking about doing the photo of my dad on a charm of the bouquet. I’m having pistachio macaroons since he was obsessed with pistachios, and I’m hoping to get some wedding photos with one of his classic cars...but we may try to get more stuff incorporated....
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  • B
    Super July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag

    I wore a locket with my dad's photo in it down the aisle, so that he could be "with" me. My brother walked me down the aisle and when the officiant asked "who presents this woman" my brother replied "on behalf of those able to be here and those who are not, I do." I danced with my brother to the song from which my dad got his nickname for me (John Denver's "Sunshine On My Shoulders (Makes Me Happy)." We also set up a table that had a photo of his parents at their wedding with his grandparents and one of my parents at their wedding with my grandparents.

    You have to do what makes you comfortable. Remember you're going to have moments where you are overwhelmed by sadness, even with all the joy. Let yourself feel them and know that he's watching over you.

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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    So sorry about this! I lost my grandfather when I was 17 and we were VERYYYY close, so it was extremely necessary for me to include him in my day. We are having a photo table and will include his photo on it as well as others who have passed, I'm going to incorporate him into my bouquet somehow, but I'm not sure which of these ideas I'll use yet...might use both: have his picture dangling off of the bouquet in a charm or I might get the flower pins in the color of his birthstone and incorporate those in. For the reception, I am having the DJ dedicate a song from one of his favorite singers to him and asking my family to join in a dance together. I'm hoping that my family will join me in like a circle dance so we can take the moment to remember him.

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  • Becca
    Savvy November 2021
    Becca ·
    • Flag
    My father passed away 14 years ago and of course one of the things I couldn’t stop thinking about when it happened was his absence when I eventually got married. My mother still hasn’t scattered his ashes but I asked her how she felt about scattering some at the property we’re having the wedding at the day beforehand. It’s beautiful and on the side of a cliff on the Californian coast and I find immense comfort knowing he’ll be there with us. We never got to do this as a family so I think it will be healing in a lot of ways.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Dedicated November 2022
    Erin ·
    • Flag

    My FH's step-father who raised him like his own son passed away two years ago. The wedding colors when he married his mother and they officially became a family was the color peach. So we chose to include peach flowers in all of the arrangements and we will have a sign/note upon entering the venue to let our guests know that the peach flowers are dedicated to my FH's father. This way people can appreciate the beautiful flowers, they will have a very deep meaning, and it is a way for my FH to feel like his father is there with us throughout the day.

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  • Alyssa
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    I know this is incredibly tough. My fiance lost his dad about 6 years ago and I lost one of the women who helped raise me just before we got engaged. We're honoring them in our wedding by reserving a seat at the ceremony in their name, charms with their picture on my bouquet, a candle that says "We know you'd be here today if heaven wasn't so far away." These little things help us feel like they're there but I'm also doing a trip to the cemetary a few days before the wedding for my family members that have passed and we planned our honeymoon to be in Texas so we can go to his dad's grave since it's so far from Michigan.

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  • Sam
    Devoted October 2021
    Sam ·
    • Flag

    Hi There,

    This must be so tough... I am also 100% a daddy's girl. What about a memory table at the reception? To make it less sad you could put pictures up of more of the funnier moments you had with your dad, or place fun things on the table- like if your dad had a funny saying he would always say or a favorite hobby, was he a sports fan? Did he like to work on cars? Did he love to cook? Did he love to be outside? etc. etc. If you have a lot of guests that truly knew your dad you could also set up a little glass bowl on the table so guests could write down their favorite memories of your dad. I think it would be a sweet little keepsake and would be fun for you to read what everyone had to say after the wedding. Good luck to you! I'm sure your dad will be with you in making this decision Smiley smile

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  • Renay
    Devoted April 2020
    Renay ·
    • Flag

    I did a charm on my shoe with his picture! It made me feel like he was still "walking" me down the aisle. I thought about my bouquet, but to me this was more personal, and no one had to be sad or even know about it unless I showed them. I ended up having a small wedding (thanks to covid) but had planned a 300 person wedding and every one suggested a memorial table, but I felt like between DH and I there were so many people to include and I didn't want to upset anyone by picking and choosing who we put up pictures of.

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