How to include 12 year old (excited) half sister? No Jr. Bridemaids.

I have 4 Goddaughters - 14, 11, 5, and 1.5. I am very close to the 5 and 1.5 year old (their mom is my MOH) and wanted them as flower girls. I was feeling bad that I wasn't involving my other 2 Goddaughters so they are "Usherettes" (honor attendants). They'll hand out the programs and be at the gift table. I think that would be including her still.

Guest book attendant? Have her be at the table, she can greet people and remind them to sign the guest book. She will feel involved and can match your wedding.

My 16 year old sister was my flower girl. She was a flower girl at my sister's wedding a month later as well and she even had the same dress as the bridesmaids but just sat down for the wedding. Sounds like it could be helpful so she's not standing throughout the ceremony.

Can she do a reading? She's old enough for that, and it's certainly a visible role.

Have her do a reading!

If you hate Jr bridesmaids, just make her a bridesmaid. Or let her do a reading? Guest books and gift tables don't need attending.

Usher or hand out programs. Print her name in the program. When I was 9 I handed out satchels of rice for people to throw at my cousin's wedding and I felt very important.

Reader, usher, regular (not junior) bridesmaid, I wouldn't do guestbook attendant; even a 12-year-old knows that's not a real job.

My 12 year old step daughter was a bridesmaid. I'm not sure what the difference between a jr BM and a BM is. She walked down the aisle and stood next to my MOH. On the recessional, since we only had one GM, she recessed alone. She had a great time. If you don't want her to be a BM, maybe she can hand out programs? My preteen/teen cousins did that for us.

Reading is a great idea if she likes attention. It gives a few moments of spotlight. All eyes on her. And she'll no doubt get lots of compliments from the grown ups later about how well she did.

It might give her just the right amount of attention, that she apparently needs to not "showboat" and misbehave the rest of the ceremony and reception.

FHs 12 year old half sister is my bridesmaid. Why not have her just do that or be a flower girl? She's a little girl, trust me when I say that all of the attention will be on YOU on your wedding When I asked her to be my bridesmaid she was so excited, like a little 12 year old, but tried so hard to sound adult for this very adult role. She was like "I would be honored to be your bridesmaid. Thank you!!!" Personally, I think it is important to have her in a more prominent role than usher or reader since she is your sister.

It sounds like you are kind of my older half sister in our relationship. She is 20 years older than me. When I was little she doted over me even though we only saw each other every few months because she was freshly out of college and starting her career.. I was a flower girl in her wedding and I was about 11 or 12. It's a memory I cherish and seeing the pictures in her house now with me in them makes me feel happy. We weren't that close until I hit college. Now we are VERY close... she is my maid of honor I know it's probably hard to connect with her since she is so much younger but I do think having her involved in a more meaningful way in your wedding will assist in sealing a bond between you two. One day she will grow up and you two may be best friends, like my half sister and I. She almost cried when I asked her to be my Maid of Honor!

I'd have her do a reading. She'd probably love that since she likes being the center of attention!

I just have to ask- is there a large distance between where you guys live? Is that the reason why you only see her 3 times a year? If so, do you guys text and call often? If you only see her a few times of year and don't talk otherwise, I would NOT make her a part of the wedding. If you guys do text and call often then a reading like the others suggested would be a nice option.

My youngest daughter will be 13 at the wedding... She's going to be a full brides' maid.

She won't steal your shine. I would make her a jr bridesmaid or regular bridesmaid. "Guest book attendant" is probably the dumbest thing I have ever heard. If you feel so strongly about not letting her be a BM than a reading is the next best thing. She is 12 not 7, she knows the difference of being given something legit and something to make her feel important. My nieces are 9 and 11 and they wouldn't have been happy if I told them to just stand and pass out programs. They aren't dumb and were excited, so being a real part of the wedding was important to them and to myself also. Make her feel special for a few hours, shes 12, its something she will remember for a long time.

I really appreciate all the advice! There are some great ideas out there! The weirdest part of this whole thing is that I hardly know my half sister. Having your 12 year old daughter, sister, or niece as a bridesmaid is wonderful! For me the part I'm having trouble with is that she and I hardly have a relationship (Which is terrible, I know but I have a really complicated family, not to mention that I live no where near them and only go home 3 or 4 time a year).

This question is so selfish, and I should just bite it and make her a bridesmaid but my bridal party is just my two best friends, and I really wanted to spend the morning just with them, and I worry that if I made her a bridesmaid and she wasn't involved in all the activities she'd feel left out.

I was thinking about having my photographer set up a first look just with her and I, so the two of us have some time together before the wedding, and a special moment we can both share forever. I'm so lost, and feeling so guilty.

I think it's ok to have someone younger or not as close to you as sort of a ceremonial bridesmaid, as long as you just call her a bridesmaid and don't treat her as less important than the others. FH's younger cousin (who is really not that young, but we are not close) is one of my bridesmaids and all I expect from her is to show up on the morning of, get her hair done if she is ok with that (I'll pay), and walk and stand during our ceremony. I only have 3 bridesmaids, my sister, best friend, and her. They are still including her in planning emails from what I can hear, but she is self-selecting to not be involved. That's cool with everyone, especially because they are co-hosting the shower and bachelorette with family and other friends (their choice). I'll still get her a personalized gift. She may also like to do a reading so I'll ask her about that closer to the date (she volunteered to DJ and MC which was absolutely never a serious option to FH and me; we graciously declined).

@OP maybe this is the time to change the relationship? Just a suggestion but it could be the kick start to make you closer. Maybe if she sees that you want her there and part of an important part of your life it will make you both closer?

I just know my nieces, who are younger than your sister, know when people are being fake and just doing something to do it. So I would assume your 12 yr old sister will feel even worse if she thinks you are "trying to make her part of the day" but barely. Just a thought. She will never steal your sunshine. And your wedding is almost a year out, will she be 13?

Maybe hand out programs for the ceremony? That is what we are having my pre-teen cousins do, they are super excited as well, and then will feel involved! It will all work out, good luck!!

@Bailey FHs little sister isn't getting ready with me despite being a bridesmaid. She probably shouldn't get ready with you anyways, her mom should be helping her and you don't need to deal with a pre-teen the morning of your wedding. She is just going to show up right when the photographer shows up- my bffs will be there in the morning with me and we will be drinking champagne and having breakfast together. While she is technically a birdesmaid, it's more of the honor I'm giving her than actually having her do real bridesmaids things. She's only showing up to the bridal shower with her mom, getting a similar dress, will be in pictures, and stand there and be pretty at the wedding. It's unfortunate that you guys don't have a close relationship but it's understandable considering she is so young and far away. That said, having her be included as a bridesmaid will help strengthen your bond, make her feel closer to you, and potentially seal your relationship in the future. My half sister is 20 years older than me and only now have we become very close. Her and I are so thankful now for each pother since neither of us ever had a "sister" growing up.