How to help my fiance cope with the reality of a big wedding

How many people are you inviting? Can you scale it back before invites go out?
I am having a much bigger wedding than I ever wanted because it's what my husband wants (and family pressure from his side). I feel like I get lost in it sometimes... it feels like a show for other people...it feels like it doesn't 100% represent who we are. It's something i've come to terms with but every once in awhile I get frustrated. So, I understand your fiance's feelings. Have you sat him down to find out exactly what HIS dream wedding would be now? Find out what he would have chosen and try and compromise on some details from there.

Our wedding is about 150 people, but we sent out save the dates in January because almost 60% of people will have to travel (including 50 of fiances 60 guest) and we want them to have time. How you describe your feelings is exactly what I think he's feeling. I know he wishes we could have a little backyard wedding now. Which we COULD, but then we'd still have to go through with this big elegant party because of the money we spent. That's the hardest part. This wedding is so big and overwhelming to him, but the idea of wasting the money my mom offered without being ask is almost worse. From what he was saying yesterday, he is looking at it as a lose-lose right now

Could you make the ceremony private (with a few close friends/family members) and then just have everyone else arrive for the dinner and reception only?

It sounds like neither of you are really wanting to or willing to scale back the size of the wedding at this point. So, I don't know practically what you can do about making the wedding more of something he would enjoy.

But I definitely DO think you should listen while he talks through his feelings (yes, even if him expressing his feelings hurts YOUR feelings). His feelings are valid and your brief explanation of his upbringing makes it very understandable he would be feeling stress now. Listen to him without trying to change his mind. Make sure he feels heard and loved and respected, just as you would wish if you were sharing major concerns with him.

I have a similar situation with my FH. We originally had planned for a 40-50 person wedding...well we're up to 160 now...that has made us change our original ideas that we wanted for our wedding. He has been a little panicky about things lately and likes to say that I am changing everything we decided on originally. But through talking and seeing his perspective and explaining mine he understands that we can't fit 160 people in our original venues. It still stresses him out at times, but we just talk through it.

Hi Kelsey,

Maybe your FH is feeling uncomfortable that your mother is paying for the wedding and the more price goes up the worse he feels. Even if your mother offered and was very well off it might be a blow to a man and the more money that goes into this the less he feels. I had a situation one time where I asked for a ride from one of friends because of car problems. I was dating my now hubby and he was so offended that I didn't ask him because he was my man and if I ever needed anything I should be able to come to him, etc. I didn't realize how such a small action made him feel like (this may be the wrong choice of words) but less of a man . It was silly to me, but not to him. A wedding should make the couple equally happy so maybe you guys can sit down and talk about what would make you both happy on that day and how you can achieve that. Good Luck!