How to have a head table feel without actually having a head table.

Honestly, the easiest way to make sure you eat is by having a sweetheart table. Usually, the bride and groom are served first so they can eat quickly while everyone else is being served. You will have people vying for your attention all night and the few moments of eating is like the only time you get to a. Actually breathe and eat and b. Spend time with your new spouse.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah this is what I really want to do just to make it easier on everyone, but he doesn't like sweetheart tables either! He thinks they're weird and like couples are isolating themselves. I'm trying to envision some sort of sweetheart setup where we're still surrounded by our bridal party and their partners in a way where it feels special but I don't even know.

Can you have the wedded couple in a middle table and place other tables around you?

View Quoted Comment

I think this is kind of what I'm trying to go for, but I can't seem to find any examples of it. The only things I see are pictures of small round sweetheart tables with two long tables on either side which is like the worst of both worlds for our situation haha

View Quoted Comment We had our sweetheart table not too far from other tables. We weren’t like on a stage or anything (I’ve seen that) and then the tables closest to us had our immediate families (but you can have your friends). I would stress to him that you literally spend about 15 minutes at that table collectively throughout the entire night. Like we ate the salad course in about 5 minutes and then got up and went and greeted guests, then came back for the entree and ate for another 5-10 minutes and then got up again. You really do not spend any time at your table.

Set up a lounge area so he can be with his bros during dancing. You can get rental furniture in his colors or some decor that is special to him/ them.


I dislike head tables because if the couple doesn't sit, neither will the WP because they prefer to talk to their dates/spouses who are seated w/strangers. I'm still bitter from my sister's wedding 20 years ago. I wanted to eat my steak, but the stupid giant table was empty and it would be awkward being the only one. My sister did not give me a date and I was the MOH, too. Boo

Could any of these configurations work for you?

Here's an example from Martha Stewart. Set close to dancefloor so they can "feel" they are club VIP's

From Gemini DJs

What about seating you and him with your MOH and his BM and their partners to make a table of six?

You're right head tables have fallen out of favour because it's an etiquette faux pas to separate people from their dates for dinner.

Table configurations where you two are at the end. It's a bit strange with boys on one side, girls on the other if you have single-gender WP.

While I understand he wants to mingle with his friends, does he realize this is a wedding not a football game? The event is supposed to be about the two of you. Not him and all of his friends.

View Quoted Comment

Right?! To be fair, most of the weddings he goes to have head tables so in his mind they're just the thing you do at a wedding. But I don't get it at all. I don't want to totally hate on head tables because I think in groups where there's lots of singles or everyone knows each other really well they're less of a big deal. In our case though, the idea that he wants to inconvenience a bunch of people just for the sake of aesthetics and feeling like a bunch of cool guys up at the front of the venue is so bizarre!!

View Quoted Comment

Hmmm I wonder if this could convince him!! We were already thinking about doing some sort of lounge area, but if I spin it as like a ~whiskey and cigar lounge~ kind of thing he might be into the idea. Cliché, but if it works it works LOL

View Quoted Comment

Exactly! Unfortunately the culture around here is still stuck in that old-fashioned "if you're in the wedding party you just have to deal with whatever I tell you!" mentality. I had to talk him down from making all his groomsmen spend hundreds of dollars on an outfit with custom made tweed pants that they'll never wear again 🙃

View Quoted Comment

I've only been to two weddings where they had a head table. At least in our area they are very outdated and not a lot of people do them. Does he realize how inconvenient this would be in your bridal party? If so does he just not care?

View Quoted Comment

You don't want a lounge setup outside the reception area or you'll never see your co-host. Save the cigars for the casual afterparty. But, the Groom should really be planning to stick by your side not his bros. The night goes very fast for a host vs. guest. Also, I feel badly your single mother friend is singled out and isolated, and he should, too.

How old are MOH children? Are they the only kids at the wedding or could you do a dedicated kid’s table? If they are very young would you consider a sitter in a nearby room?


I like a room with all round tables, myself. I think it gives a better flow to the room, looks more elegant, and less cafeteria-like as well as being more conducive to talking. I’m not a big fan of sweetheart tables or head tables either. In your position I would probably just spread the bridal party at tables among guests, especially since you already plan to do this with MOH. You could sit at one of those, with family or anywhere. Keep in mind that between hosting duties and dancing you probably won’t be doing a whole lot of sitting in one place.
I don’t particularly care for the separate lounge area idea which I associate mostly with kid parties. Why should one group have what would no doubt turn out to be some kind of separate VIP area? Plus it will inevitably take people off the dance floor or worse, the room itself if not in the same space.

View Quoted Comment

You sound sensible and gracious. Kudos to you! I hope you work it out so that you're both happy!

We had a sweetheart table sat very close to our other tables. I find it very odd that his main concern is wanting to be with his friends instead of you. I personally would be upset if my husband said this. I definitely think it’s rude to separate couples from their partners. Plus you’re really only sitting to eat for like 10 minutes anyway because then you’re getting up to visit the tables

View Quoted Comment You guys are going to want 10-15 uninterrupted minutes to eat and take in the whole scene of the wedding. I can't imagine how much time would be spent with him and his friends talking and drinking during dinner.


Not sure what the venue looks like but could you do a sweet heart for you and then a long table for the wedding party and their guests? It's not isolating to have you guys seated front and center, it's your wedding day. Lol guys are silly sometimes. No one's going to leave you two alone long enough to breathe 😂