How to handle the long-term results of a painful wedding day.

You won’t like what I have to say but I think there is a lot of fault here that lies with your husband. If your husband has trouble with alcohol, he should not have been drinking and if he did choose to drink, I don’t think that is any fault of the bartender who was none-the-wiser. Just the same, if your husband did not want to hang out with your cousin, he should have declined their invitation. I fully appreciate that your cousin behaved in a manner that was wild enough that it required security to be involved but your husband’s involvement in any such antics is on him. As a grown man he should have said no and gone to bed.

Obviously you intervening in the fight was necessary because let’s face it, a punch-on at the wedding is less than ideal and obviously caused some friction between the two of you. Your husband saw that as a betrayal and thereafter tried to bring more people in to it. It very much seems to me like your husband did not take any responsibility for his actions and instead tried to deflect this on to other people or otherwise bring other people into the drama so as to back him up.

In short, I don't think your cousin necessarily deserved to be banned (although of course I don't have the fully story), rather your husband needed to own up that he made a few poor choices the night before.

Clearly your husband is still holding on to this and hasn’t been able to let it go. It sounds to me like he feels as though he is the aggrieved one who has done no wrong. Perhaps it may be ideal to see a different counsellor and try get a different perspective to help you work through this.

It’s great therapy is scheduled. Maybe individual therapy as well? It sounds like he has a potential drinking problem. There are support groups for being with people with dependency issues. I am so sorry your wedding was such an eventful day and the honeymoon wasn’t ideal. Surround yourself with support!

I’m sorry you had this happen and congratulations on taking the steps to get counseling. I think it will take a lot of time and a lot of therapy along with strict familial boundaries. I do agree with he posted above that many of these incidents were husbands doing. Until you can both get to the deeper root cause, it will hurt.

Since you asked for thoughts... here's mine.

Based soley on what you have described - your husband has a drinking problem and anger issues that worsen with alcohol. We all have crazy, inappropriate, loud relatives; but I don't see your cousin as the "root of the issues". She didn't ruin your wedding - your husband's reaction to the situation(s) fueled by him throwing them back at dinner ruined the wedding. The bartender was not "terrible" by serving strong drinks because your husband doesn't have a handle on his limit.

No bride should ever be in the situation where she is crying and anxious the night before and during the wedding. No bride should be crying when saying goodbye to their guests. No bride should have her relatives accosted by her new husband. No bride should spend her honeymoon confused and dazed about what happened at the wedding. He should be embarrassed and ashamed at his behavior and be working on your forgiveness - not bullying you months later making you feel "attacked".

A real man would have let any annoyance he felt towards your relative go, and not ruin the day for the two of you. You said it yourself - he has a drinking problem. I highly suggest that you get help/support for YOURSELF as you figure out where to go from here. A drinking problem does not go away without the drinker acknowledging it and addressing it himself. Without doing so, it's only going to worsen and isolate you from family and friends.

I think it's telling that you started the post by insinuating that you two got married faster than you would have normally - is this you recognizing that you are questioning whether you rushed into something you shouldn't have?

I'm sorry if this was harsh - I'm so angry for you and wish you the best. And I know that if internet strangers are worried about you - your love ones who witnessed what happened must be very concerned. Reach out to them if you need help.

View Quoted Comment

Yup, all of this. Sounds like your husband doesn't take any accountability for his poor decisions, and you enable him by blaming his excessive drinking on everyone but him. The bartender, your cousins, everyone but the person who poured all those drinks down his throat: him. It is not everyone else's job to manage his drinking, it's his job. You blaming others and trying to "manage" his alcohol intake is co-dependent and you should seek individual counseling and Al-Anon. I'm not saying all of this out of judgement, I'm saying it from experience and the desire to support you in getting real help (that will actually HELP) for the issue.

I would recommend continuing with counseling/therapy for as long as needed to work through these issues.