Hello! First-time poster; love the forum! Our wedding is in 7 weeks. We live in Nepal; our wedding is in the US (which is home for us); our honeymoon is in Bali. We're planning a 3-day wedding festival in a state park over Memorial Day weekend. Needless to say, this is all a lot of work for us to orchestrate, while I'm in grad school and my partner is working part-time, and we are also living in a different culture! It's truly crazy how many last-minute details come up around a wedding. We don't have time for them all. I have one guest who keeps popping up, and not sure how to deal.
This guest is a friend of mine, but not a close friend. She's been generally in my friend group for about seven years; we've never been close, but have had nice conversations now and then, given occasional gifts, etc. We didn't see each other during Covid, but she came to a couple of goodbye parties for me last year. I invited her to be nice, since she's in the larger friend group and had come to both of my going-away parties. I also invited her husband, whom I haven't seen in years, just to be nice.
They have two kids; the oldest is 10, and I've known her since she was a toddler. She has a lot of mental health and neurodivergent diagnoses, such as ADHD, Turret's, autism spectrum, anxiety, OCD, depression, etc. While I have compassion for her struggles, I find her very loud, pushy, and annoying at this stage. She gets fixated on things and will follow adults around for hours, whining and demanding repeated answers. The other child is 3, and he is also on the autism spectrum. He is almost entirely non-verbal and mostly communicates by screaming, hitting, and biting. My friend is a stay-at-home mom who cares for these children, as well as her mother, who has Alzheimer's; all of them live in the mother's house, the house my friend grew up in. I had considered inviting the 10-year-old girl, since I've known her for so long, but I decided against it, because I did not want to have to deal with her on my wedding day (and weekend festival), and I did not want to annoy my guests. Again, I am not close with this friend, and we also have only so many plus-ones we can afford.
Wedding invitations just arrived, with my friend seeing that only she and her husband were invited. She messaged me, asking if I want her to ask her sister to watch her two kids and her mom, or if she could bring them to the wedding. I was shocked! She asked to just bring along two special needs children AND an elderly woman with dementia as bonus guests. I replied that I'm sorry, we've already given out all the plus-ones we have, and we cannot give her three more. She said she understood. She then messaged me again today, saying that she and her husband have been talking, and they think it'll be too much for her sister to watch the kids, the mom, and their pets. She asked me if other kids will be at the wedding, and suggested to me that her husband take the kids to camp in a nearby campground (there is already a campground on site...), and she instead bring their 10-year-old as her plus-one, instead of her husband! And, I guess they would all be involved for the whole weekend?!?
I'm shocked. I am so overloaded with wedding details as it is; she is taking up so much of my time! My first impulse was to ignore her, since I already invited her and her husband on the envelope, their two names alone are on our RSVP portal, and I have already said she can't bring the kids and mom as extras. At some point, I think I should reply. I could just say that the invitation was for her and her husband only. There WILL be other kids at our reception, but very few (only close family), and I just do not want her child there. If I tell her why, she may be offended. Her navigating getting a sitter or not is not my problem. They also live within driving distance; they could just go home after the reception. What would you say?
Thank you for reading!!!
