How to get him excited!!!?

Some men get overwhelmed with the details of planning weddings. Ask him simple things like what colors he may want. Remember men generally don't fantasize about the wedding they just want you. My fiance explained that all he envisioned was me walking to him and that's it. As much as I wanted to include him the details didn't matter to him at all. He only wanted his favorite color which happens to be mine as well. I kept him in the loop with planning but I didn't push it.

View Quoted Comment Love this thank you so much ❤️

Do you have a planning book?

DH had been to a LOT of weddings, and we had a book, and sometimes he'd just say, "BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOO..." and then I'd maybe kind of drop the book on his head because it was right in front of him.

A planning book helps so much, because it walks you through the process. So, have him look at the book, fill it in with you, and so on.

Also, ask him to think about this as any other big party you'd throw. What does a party need? Food, drink, a space, entertainment...

Maybe have a planning binder thats organized. And when you ask him what he wants, narrow down the options to three choices?

View Quoted Comment This is a good suggestion. I agree with this.

My fiance and I didn't realize how much planning actually goes into a wedding until we started planning ours. It was overwhelming for us both, but especially him. What helped us is that I would do most of the research - finding invitation options, venue options, decoration options, etc. - and then would show them to my fiance. If there was one option we both agreed on, we picked it. Otherwise, if he didn't like any of the options, I would keep researching and would show him new options later. This way, he only had to look at the options I found and give his opinion instead of researching things himself. He also took on the task of finding vendors (specifically, photographer and DJ). Maybe assign him 1-2 tasks at a time, and let him be in charge of those specific things? Or, if you take the lead on the research, but show him the options you like best and let him help make all decisions?

I need that answer, mine said he just wants to show up🤦🏾

I was in the same boat. I asked my FH what he wanted and he just kept saying it's up to you. It was frustrating because his opinion mattered to me. He really only got excited about music and food. But I tried to include him in other aspects. I think that having someone plan it for us has been great. He also had a say in budget, colors, menswear, wedding bands, guestbook and venue. Other than that everything has been handled for us. Try to find stuff he likes and can get excited about.

View Quoted Comment

I basically did exactly this. My FH wanted some say in the wedding, but when it came to the details or design of things, I did a lot of up front research and showed him the options. Like he didn't do any research into boutonnieres (we are using fake flowers), so I found a bunch and let him pick which ones he wanted to wear and which to give to his GM/father. But I let him do some items that he's good at and knew were important to him, like choose the readings for our ceremony.

Everyone has great advice for you, but I’d say before all of that sit down with FH and talk about what kind of wedding the two of you want. Does he want a big wedding with everyone he has ever said hello to invited or something small and intimate? What time of year do you guys want to get married? Start slow and with the bigger picture before throwing all of the details at him.
I agree about giving him choices of 3 or 4 when you ask him about something. He will feel much less overwhelmed if all he has to do is choose one from a small selection. But you won’t really know what that selection needs to be until you both decide on the bigger picture of your wedding first.

Find something he would be into and let him plan it? My husband wanted to handle all the alcohol so that was something he was interested in

You guys are all amazing!!! Thank you so much

View Quoted Comment You’re absolutely right. My fiancé says the same thing he just wants me 🥰 only thing he’s excited about is planning our honeymoon lol I guess that’s something I can let him take care of

Smaller, less-intense meetings work best for my fiancé who is the same way lol. Also laying out options and having him pick means he’s involved but not stressing for the research part.

My fiancé personally gets overwhelmed regarding the financial aspects of planning. Both of us knew it would cost a good bit of money but you never realize how much it really takes until you’re in the planning process. So whenever I bring up details he seems flustered by it because all he sees is dollar signs lol. I sat down with him and told him straight up we’re going to HAVE to spend X amount money so he just has to accept that and try to enjoy things rather than seeing the money attached to it.

View Quoted Comment Omg yes! That’s my fiancé too. He sees the total cost and is like what!!! Luckily my parents are helping substantially so reminding him that he’s not paying 20+k alone has eased off the stress in him

Hello! I have had similar sentiments about planning my wedding with my fiance, especially since he was more pre-occupied with his best man's wedding as a groomsman up until Labor Day and it wasn't until after when he got excited about anything.

I would suggest playing up his strengths - if he's someone who love excel sheets, logistics, administrative work, he can do the wedding itinerary/schedule, budgeting. If he's a people-person, maybe have him be the point of contact for invitations, communicating with some vendors, etc. If he is an artist, maybe have him pick music or assist with handy-man stuff for DIY projects (my fiance is not, but his dad is, so he has offered his help with building an arch for the ceremony).

If none of those, perhaps he can help with you the "grunt" work like making favors, collecting addresses/emails from mutual contacts, and delegating tasks to groomsmen haha

View Quoted Comment Haha love this. It makes me feel so much better that a lot of guys aren’t too thrilled about the details. For a second I thought most guys were stoked. They did ask after all 🥰👰🏻😉

View Quoted Comment

"This is not MY wedding, it is OUR wedding. It takes TWO to get married, therefore it takes TWO to plan it."

That is what DH heard before we were even engaged.

He agreed. ...Even if I did have to drop the book on his head sometimes.

And then just don't do anything until he agrees to help.

I figured, if he didn't help with the wedding planning, what else was he not going to help with?

I definitely agree with first, deciding what sort of wedding you want together (ballroom, barn, garden, church ceremony; formal, black tie, casual; 10 people, 50 people, 200 people - the broad brushstrokes). And set a budget together as well. Then, ask him what are the three most important things for him. For my husband it was food, music, and the feel of the wedding - he didn’t want an overly formal affair. We picked the menu together, he had a big hand in organising the music, and I was happy to compromise with him on the formality (which mostly consisted of not insisting he wore a tie, telling him he could put a Hawaiian shirt on once we were done with photos (!) which he forgot about anyway in the end, and having a buffet meal rather than plated).

From there, I’d ask if he had an opinion on whatever I was working on. If he did, great. If he didn’t, I’d narrow it down to three options I was happy with and ask him which he preferred. I think we had one occasion where he didn’t like any of the options, but other than that it worked perfectly.