How to get around no kids at the reception?!

You can have an adult only wedding but you need to be consistent with no children in the ceremony to avoid offending guests. This is your and fiance's wedding. No one else gets a say. That also includes they don't contribute toward financing the wedding.

"No" is a complete sentence.

This is also on your FH. His family, his job.

As others said, it sounds like she just doesn't like your decision. We are doing the same thing. We have 3 nephews and all are 3 and under. I also have a little cousin who will be 5 by the time of the wedding, but we said unfortunately she wouldn't be able to come either because we didn't think it would be fair to allow her to come and not the other children. And some people are upset about it because a lot of people on my FH's side are obsessed with the kids and we just don't want them yelling and screaming and running around like little kids tend to do. So when people make comments, we just say it's not up for discussion, we have decided and if they can't make it due to this we understand. Then they usually stop complaining about it, at least for the time being. It always baffles me how people can't understand why children wouldn't be invited to a wedding considering it's a formal event.

I agree with the others, it's important to remember that "No" is a complete sentence.

We have two couples from out of town that we'll be allowing to bring their children. One is my step-brother and his wife who have twin boys that our family never gets to see because they're so far away. The other is my aunt who's only real possible babysitters will also be at the wedding.

I have a handful of cousins who I know are going to be upset about not getting to bring their children, but I have seen all of them allow their children to cry and scream during ceremonies without removing them so I'm not at all upset about telling them know.

In regards to your FMIL, I mean, it is your partner's sibling. Would they want them there? Can you guys make it perfectly clear that to FMIL that she needs to keep her in hand or you'll ask them to leave and take her home at the earliest opportunity? How old is the sibling?

Then yea, that's a totally fair decision imo. The challenge becomes who does she get left with that won't already be at the wedding? You're both 100% within your rights to not want her there and put your foot down with your MIL.

Eh, I wouldn't let them come at all. 9p is late for a 7 year old. If you've got a plan in place I think you're good. Your MIL may not like it, but your SO just needs to really stand strong on the issue and not waver. Best of luck though!

I disagree with the “both or neither” idea. When I was a preteen, my uncle had family members’ children at his ceremony (I passed out the programs!) but we had to leave for the reception. My... mom’s cousin’s daughters (I think? Some relatives) were in their late teens and made some sweet money babysitting us and it was amazing, we got so much Chinese food and watched Nickelodeon. The adults didn’t miss us and we didn’t miss them.

Edit: sorry, I misread "be consistent" to mean having children at both ceremony+reception or neither! Re-reading it looks like PP meant consistent with allowing children vs. not, period.