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Savvy September 2023

How to figure out what i want???

Sophia, on August 16, 2022 at 9:45 AM Posted in Planning 1 5

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Got engaged 4 weeks ago & obviously I’m so happy!
However I can’t decide what I want for the wedding. Like most girls I’ve dreamed of this for a long time, but now that it’s my turn I keep flip-flopping between ideas.
My fiancé does not enjoy wedding celebrations. To be clear: he is SO excited to marry me & DOES care about the ceremony. But he hates the wedding industry & how big weddings have gotten. He wants to elope just the 2 of us & go on a grand honeymoon. His reasoning is that this is OUR marriage & it’s not for anyone else, & if we spend a boat-load of money it should go towards our marriage & not a flashy party/family reunion. He is incredibly worried about me getting stressed w planning, even if we hire a wedding planner. I am known to be a people-pleaser & admittedly get stressed easily, so it’s a legit concern.Despite these feelings he has told me that what I want, we will make happen. He understands that this day means a lot to me & doesn’t want me to give up my dream for the sake of pleasing him.So. I am torn. Part of me wants 75 guests (I’ve already made a guest list…) In a nearby flower center. But that’s a lot of planning & figuring out the food sounds v stressful.Part of me wants to run away with the LOML and have an epic elopement & honeymoon. But then I worry that I’ll feel like I missed out on the ‘bridal experience’How do I figure out what I want?? 😅😭 I feel like I change my mind every other day. I literally can’t plan anything until I’ve made this baseline decision. I keep trying to plan bridesmaids dresses & color palettes & then remember that I haven’t even figured out how many people I want there! Honestly the stress of not knowing has taken so much of my joy of being engaged…

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on August 17, 2022 at 11:07 AM

Master July 2019
Hannah · on August 16, 2022 at 9:54 AM
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Well do you want to be planning bridesmaids dresses and color palletes? Those things usually aren't involved in an elopement. I would just try to take some time to think about what it is that YOU want. Forget about what your family might want, your friends, and even your fiance for a moment. What is it that you want your wedding day to look like? Is celebrating with all your friends and family important? Or would you rather it just be an intimate moment with just the 2 of you? What exactly about the bridal experience is giving you FOMO? Hopefully thinking about these questions for JUST you can give you some more clarity. There isn't a right or wrong answer here.
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Expert October 2023
Bailey · on August 16, 2022 at 10:30 AM
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So, you can have a beautiful wedding on a budget, you just have to set one. How much are you willing to spend on your dream wedding? It does NOT have to be a boatload, so if that's what stops your fiance from wanting to have a 75 person wedding, just sit down and outline what you guys would actually be comfortable spending.
I don't think wedding planning is stressful as long as you have a budget! It seems daunting but it's quite simple. How much do you have now willing to put towards the wedding? Realistically, how much could you save per paycheck to put towards it?
If you choose to elope, just know that you can still have a bridal brunch (in leu of bridal shower) to celebrate you, a bachelorette party (if your girls are ok with that, some here will say thats a faux pass but my friends wouldn't gaf), and engagement party (no gifts is correct etiquette for elopement) and so forth.
Your elopement can also be a destination wedding (inexpensive in places like MX! our Playa Mujeres venue was $1,200 for 20 people) and still have your nearest and dearest with a party atmosphere and ALSO enjoy an incredible vacation that your honeymoon directly goes into. You still get your bach vibes, reception vibes, dream dress, photography, etc, but meet your spouse halfway on the elopement versus wedding.
edit: you can have a 20 person elopement except with all the bells and whistles of a normal wedding (photography, reception, DJ) for less than 8-10k. I have tons of advice on that if you're interested, just dm me
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Super July 2022
Shannon · on August 16, 2022 at 11:01 AM
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Only you can answer this question. The best advice I can give having just gone through it is: 1) Have a smaller wedding with a smaller guest list. 2) Find a venue that has a package and includes a day of Coordinator. 3) Cut out bridal parties/attendants.
We only had a best woman and man and this was the best decision we made.
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Savvy June 2022
Eula · on August 17, 2022 at 2:37 AM
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If you feel like you're going to miss out, i say go all out! IT happens once in your lifetime! and having just gotten married, I would say it was worth it and i'm thankful i didn't allow my fears and anxiety get to me. My husband had the same fears for me as I also have the same personality. I shared the planning with my mom which made things so much easier, because i don't have a planning personality whatsoever and get easily overwhelmed. There were so many moments where I would convince myself that i should have eloped, but when it was all done I was so thankful for all the things I invested in NO REGRETS, and I wished I could do it again. I keep thinking I wished I would have done more hahaha. INVEST in a videographer, and photographer the day goes by so fast, and when you see those photos and videos afterwards, you realize how much you miss during the day. and you get to see those tiny moments and the little details that turned out better than you could have imagined on the big day.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on August 17, 2022 at 11:07 AM
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I agree with Shannon, only you can answer what your priorities are. You said, your FS doesn't like wedding celebrations. Negotiating your own wedding is not easy, and you can't pull the "but I'm the bride" thing here because this is the first real project you're tackling together. Marital resentment does happen when one loses sight of the goal. To compromise, I would recommend a smaller wedding: a guest list under 50, few or no bridesmaids/ groomsmen, and a wedding planner to make you and your spouse more comfortable. If you really want everything else including matching bridesmaid dresses, ask yourself why this is more important than your grooms vision.
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