How to figure out what i want???

So, you can have a beautiful wedding on a budget, you just have to set one. How much are you willing to spend on your dream wedding? It does NOT have to be a boatload, so if that's what stops your fiance from wanting to have a 75 person wedding, just sit down and outline what you guys would actually be comfortable spending.

I don't think wedding planning is stressful as long as you have a budget! It seems daunting but it's quite simple. How much do you have now willing to put towards the wedding? Realistically, how much could you save per paycheck to put towards it?

If you choose to elope, just know that you can still have a bridal brunch (in leu of bridal shower) to celebrate you, a bachelorette party (if your girls are ok with that, some here will say thats a faux pass but my friends wouldn't gaf), and engagement party (no gifts is correct etiquette for elopement) and so forth.

Your elopement can also be a destination wedding (inexpensive in places like MX! our Playa Mujeres venue was $1,200 for 20 people) and still have your nearest and dearest with a party atmosphere and ALSO enjoy an incredible vacation that your honeymoon directly goes into. You still get your bach vibes, reception vibes, dream dress, photography, etc, but meet your spouse halfway on the elopement versus wedding.

edit: you can have a 20 person elopement except with all the bells and whistles of a normal wedding (photography, reception, DJ) for less than 8-10k. I have tons of advice on that if you're interested, just dm me

If you feel like you're going to miss out, i say go all out! IT happens once in your lifetime! and having just gotten married, I would say it was worth it and i'm thankful i didn't allow my fears and anxiety get to me. My husband had the same fears for me as I also have the same personality. I shared the planning with my mom which made things so much easier, because i don't have a planning personality whatsoever and get easily overwhelmed. There were so many moments where I would convince myself that i should have eloped, but when it was all done I was so thankful for all the things I invested in NO REGRETS, and I wished I could do it again. I keep thinking I wished I would have done more hahaha. INVEST in a videographer, and photographer the day goes by so fast, and when you see those photos and videos afterwards, you realize how much you miss during the day. and you get to see those tiny moments and the little details that turned out better than you could have imagined on the big day.

I agree with Shannon, only you can answer what your priorities are. You said, your FS doesn't like wedding celebrations. Negotiating your own wedding is not easy, and you can't pull the "but I'm the bride" thing here because this is the first real project you're tackling together. Marital resentment does happen when one loses sight of the goal. To compromise, I would recommend a smaller wedding: a guest list under 50, few or no bridesmaids/ groomsmen, and a wedding planner to make you and your spouse more comfortable. If you really want everything else including matching bridesmaid dresses, ask yourself why this is more important than your grooms vision.