How to feel about not having a Bridal Shower or Bachelorette Party?

Any of the people asking you could be offering to host a shower if they wanted, or asking your sister themselves. I'm sure if that many people are asking that someone will do something.

Your MOH doesn't have to be the hosts of the party. Any of your BM's can host your bach party, and your mom/FH mom can host the bridal shower.

Maybe talk to your mom about how you feel and all the questions that you’ve been asked about it? Seeing as your MOH is your sister and both of you know she’s not a “go getter”, then your mom may want to start things up. MOB also can host, same with bridesmaids, it doesn’t have to be MOH. I’ve gotten two offers, both my step mom and my FH step mom so I am asking them to work together. But yeah definitely talk to your mom. Good luck!

Agree with PP. It’s not the sole responsibility of a MOH to plan a shower or bachelorette party. My sisters are my MOHs but my friends are planning my bachelorette party and my MOHs are not even going! My bridal shower was mainly planned by my mom and one of my sister’s helped also. Also bridal showers can be a financial burden, she doesn’t have to take it on all herself. Hopefully someone will step up to the plate for you. Maybe talk to your mom about it?

I know many feels like anyone can host either or But in our culture the MOH is the one who is suppose to host it or reach out to the others for help. Even my mom said that she haven’t offered to not step on my sister toes. It may be hard for others to understand but it’s just our culture. My other sister is one of my bridesmaids but she lives out of state & she told me that the MOH sister has not reached out to her about it either. She will actually be here the week before my wedding & staying with me, she said she will be taking me out that’s Saturday night because she can’t believe the MOH hasn’t planned anything yet & we are 60 days out. I guess I can call that night out my Bach party even if my other girls can’t make it out with us.

Perhaps the friends who have reached out to ask about shower and bachelorette party plans would be willing to host and plan those parties to take stress off of your sister. Allowing someone else to plan may be accommodate the desires of everyone involved. Best of luck!

Congrats for finding your true love. I literally just posted a "I don't want to feel like this, but I do". It sounds like we have very similar situations. My sister, MOH, seems excited when I talk to her, but all the other bridesmaid are still asking me what is going on. My bridesmaid that was excited to plan things, went overboard too quick, burnt out and then dropped out. My other bridesmaid is preggers and nesting down hard. And the other two are out of town. So, I similarly planned to go out on the town with those that are in town by then and we'll see how it goes!

I suggest either vocalizing that if she is planning a surprise you'd like to know. Maybe provide a guest list for her as a nudge? "These are the people I want invited to the Bachlorette party" Good luck!

Anybody can host a bachelorette party or shower. But they aren't really life changing events so it is really okay not to have either of them

Maybe get a good bridesmaid to ask her about it and if she'd need help planning. A little push. It could be at someone's house and it's very affordable.
All my bridesmaids are pitching in.

I would be sad too not to have these events. I don’t want to chastise you but the MOH position comes with duties, and the bridesmaid position really doesn’t. If I had a sister that I didn’t think could handle the responsibility of being MOH I would have just asked her to be a bridesmaid. Luckily both my sisters are go-getter outgoing planners and so even though only my little sister was the MOH they both planned and hosted my bridal shower and bachlorette party.

View Quoted Comment Yes, it definitely seems like we are going through the same thing. That’s exactly the thing I know she is not planning a surprise anything because she doesn’t have any of my friends numbers. I offered one time & she said I’ll get it later but never did. So maybe I will talk to her again & just hand her the list. Thank you. Good luck with your situation as well.

View Quoted Comment Yes that’s a good idea! I will ask my best friend to ask her. Thanks

View Quoted Comment Yes I’m definitely going to ask my BFF to reach out to her. Thanks

I agree ask someone who is more outgoing. For more intervertebral people hosting a party may be a bit scary. For bachelorette you can plan it yourself.

I agree with the previous posters. If other people are willing to do the planning, let them do it.

I think anyone who is offering could just do it. Make a list of people you’d like invited and send it as a group message to you moh but also your mom and bridesmaids. Maybe also pass on a couple ideas of what you do or don’t want.

Can you delegate to one of your other bridesmaids? My MOH is not a good planner -- she gets overwhelmed easily, is forgetful, and (her words) 'sucks at ideas'. To balance her, I made my girlfriend a bridesmaid and explained the situation with the MOH. She was MORE than happy to step up and be the acting MOH even without the title.
Maybe you can do that?

I think bridal showers are increasingly becoming a 'mom' thing. Maybe you can ask your mom to take that over. "Hey Mom, I really love the idea of a bridal shower. I know it's typically organized by the MOH but I'm worried about sister. I think it might be too much for her. Would you be willing to help organize?"

That's what I'd do.

As a bride who has been in your situation already I feel terrible for you , I have felt this way myself I have my sister as maid of honor as well and at the beginning I had to be the one who bought up having a bridal shower and bacholette to her and every time it seemed like she had s excuse as of why it couldn’t happen that date or why she wasn’t in the right state of mind to plan one for me , I told my bridesmaids about it and they all felt a bit sad and suggested other things that we could do for me but they don’t want to over step because it is my sister job to do it so I understand where your coming from , I had a very long talk with my sister and told her how I felt about it and every since than she has changed she actually helps out now , but after that long time I have decide that I don’t want a bridal shower or bacholette because it just seems forced after all the effort I had to put from the start , i feel as like brides need to think twice about who to ask to be MOH and bridesmaids because there’s a lot of bride on this app that complain about their bridal party not being thrilled or excited as much as the bride it sucks because your bridal party is there for a reason a lot of people say their only job is to show up with their dress and that’s it but I totally disagree there’s a lot to it and I understand everyone else has their own life but a a wedding only happens once and if I ask my friends or relative to be my bridesmaid there committed to being there for me and my wedding not just to show up at the wedding sorry everyone I feel like I has to state this bc I’ve seen so many post about bridesmaids not being there and I feel like what’s the point of having a bridal party if they can’t be bothered with anything about the wedding if it’s like that than each girl should have said no from the beginning !..if I’m asked to be a bridemaids I know I’m saying yes to having to be a part of planning decor and styling and hosting parties for the bride if I can’t do any of that than I should say no from the start my best advice is to speak to your bridal party let them know how you feel if They do anything than do it yourself do a couples bridal shower or a together bacholette I hope everything’s work out for you and your not alone a lot of brides have felt the same including myself but I’m over it sadly I’m just over it and decide to just keep planing stuff myself

I think you should let others plan if they’ve asked. Your MOH obviously needs help or at least a push. They can include her in the planning, but really planning isn’t a gift everyone has. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the responsibility being off only her and being shared with others.

It's probably quite frustrated that nobody is stepping up to plan a bridal shower for you. Have a talk with your mom and maybe she can get your bridal party in the spirit to get going on this bridal shower.

I didn't have a shower, one of my friend's offer but I didn't want that, I just agreed to go out to dinner. This is my second marriage and I'm in my fifties so I really didn't care, but I can understand a young person wanting to capture as many memories as they can. I hope this works out for you sweetie.