Reah
Just Said Yes July 2018

How to encourage fiancé to lose weight?

Reah, on May 12, 2018 at 11:50 AM Posted in Fitness and Health 0 27
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Hi all, sorry first post! I didn’t see one on this, so I’m starting my own discussion. Sorry if it’s redundant.

FH and I have been working on losing weight together. extreme diet change, exercise, etc. I have lost a lot and where I want to be... him, not so much.

I’m frustrated because he wants to look good for our engagement photos. But everything holds up on this issue... I need engagement photos for the invitation, and I need website for invitation, etc.

is there a gentle way to bring this up? He’s already self-conscious and bummed. And I know he can lose weight & has done it a few times. But it’s time-sensitive and we need to work harder to accomplish it sooner :/

Thanks for all the posts! This site has been super helpful and supportive Smiley heart

27 Comments

Latest activity by Little Star, on May 14, 2018 at 12:43 PM
  • Cherall
    Dedicated September 2019
    Cherall ·
    • Flag
    Honestly if you are getting married regardless of weight and if he wants to look good for the photos, the biggest push maybe to just schedule the photos and let him know that's the amount of time he has, either way. Good luck.

    • Reply
  • Little Star
    Expert April 2019
    Little Star ·
    • Flag
    My FH and I are both trying to get in shape and lose weight for the same reason so I totally get it.

    This sounds like a super sensitive subject and I’m not sure if there’s a good way to bring it up. I’ll tell you what I did, though.

    My motivation is really low when it comes to exercising. I’m lazy and I know this about myself. FH does, too. I’ve been trying out an exercise regimen on and off for about a year. When I first started, I got some exercise equipment and started on my own. Bad idea for me! I eventually became discouraged and gave up. When FH asked me why, I gently told him because my motivation was very low and I couldn’t really stick to it by myself while
    he was relaxing on the couch. 😅 I needed a partner. That’s when he agreed that he wanted to make a change and he started working out with me.

    Maybe you could say something similar? I would make it about yourself. Tell him it’s easier for you to stick to your own goals if you have someone else to motivate you. That way maybe he won’t feel so self conscious.

    I hope it works out!
    • Reply
  • lilam18
    Expert July 2018
    lilam18 ·
    • Flag
    Agree with Cherall. Schedule the photos and either he loses the weight or he doesn’t by the time the photos come around. “Encouraging” him to lose weight can easily be misinterpreted if he’s already self conscious, so I would just move forward and let him know as much as possible that you’re excited to marry him no matter his size.
    • Reply
  • Melanie
    Dedicated June 2018
    Melanie ·
    • Flag
    I'm in a similar situation. I don't want weight to become a topic in our relationship so I just 1) get us to the gym and 2) get us to the grocery store. As long as those two things are happening, he's getting the results he wants with no pressure from me.
    • Reply
  • Tara
    Master September 2018
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    Try keto! Theres a lot of info online, soo many great recipes on pinterest too. Also i follow a lot of keto pages on IG, whether it be their recipes or their transformations. In 5 weeks ive lost 21 lbs and my FH has lost almost 30 and we eat GOOD food. I lost 16 before i started working out and even now its very minimal exercise, a hike here and there. I wont go back to eating a different way. Its seriously the best
    • Reply
  • NinjaBride
    Super June 2018
    NinjaBride ·
    • Flag
    Reassure him that you love him no matter what he weighs and you are attracted to him. Schedule the photos and work on loving yourselves. I understand wanting to shed a few pounds and look good but a lot of the time the transformation needs to happen on the inside more with self love.
    • Reply
  • FutureMrs.V
    Super June 2018
    FutureMrs.V ·
    • Flag
    Honestly I don't fully understand when people want to lose weight specifically for the wedding. Ii had a post rant about this the other day. 'm not necessarily in the shape I want to be in, but I love food. And FH has told me repeatedly he prefers me now versus when I was about 50 pounds lighter and unhealthy looking. I think sticking with being healthy will help you both for long term reasons, not necessarily the wedding. Try telling your FH how much you love him as he is. Boost his confidence. The main reason he doesn't want to take the pics is because he probably has poor self image right now. You can help him overcome that while also being healthy. Honestly loving your body goes hand in hand with being healthy. Good health should be your goal, not a number on the scale or on a clothes tag. ***im writing this as I'm eating McDonald's and my wedding is in a month so take my advice as you wish lol
    • Reply
  • NinjaBride
    Super June 2018
    NinjaBride ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    This!!! Yes. Remember it’s one day of your life!
    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner July 2019
    Kim ·
    • Flag
    Schedule the photos and since he’s self conscious, maybe say “the photos are on X, so *we* have this much time to achieve *our* goal.”
    I second the low carb/Keto suggestion. I just lost 25 lbs in 2 months in it. Plus I’m never hungry any more. Maybe something like that with faster results will help motivate him.
    • Reply
  • A_Mart
    Super June 2018
    A_Mart ·
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    Agree with this! We have 3 weeks to our wedding and at the one month mark we made a meal plan for the next few weeks to stick to and we’ve been really good! We even meal prep and cook together to stay motivated and have lots of super healthy snacks so when temptation hits it’s easy to choose the healthy option!
    • Reply
  • PBiazinha
    VIP May 2018
    PBiazinha ·
    • Flag
    I was trying to lose weight and tone up for our wedding - so was DH. Time passed and the stress got real. I told myself that if it wasn’t to lose weight in a healthy way it wasn’t worth it. I had too much going on to also punish my body with extreme diet before my wedding. That’s a time to be real and gentle to yourself emotionally and physically too.
    I don’t think “looking good for pictures” is a valid reason to hurt each other feelings pushing for a weight loss. It has to be an internal and personal decision. You can schedule and let him know but he will the only one to decide if he wants to work harder or not. If he does and you notice support him. Also cooking healthy and maybe inviting him to join you on workouts is a nice way to support and motivate him without being too invasive.
    Good luck.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
    • Flag

    Reassure him that you like the way he looks without losing weight. I'm sure that he knows he's not losing weight as quickly as he (or you) would like. No need to put him down for it. Schedule the photos, let him know when they will be, and tell him he will look good either way.

    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2018
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I was hoping for these results too but had less than a pound of weight loss in my 3rd week (total loss 9lbs). Really bummed out. I tested my ketones, so I know I am in ketosis.
    • Reply
  • Jen
    VIP July 2018
    Jen ·
    • Flag

    As someone who has had great success in losing weight (and have also struggled at times) I don't know that there is anything you can do to get someone else in the right weight loss mindset. I think unless motivation comes from within, i am not sure how successful weight loss will be. I would keep modeling good behavior - buying / preparing healthy food together and look for opportunities to exercise and be active together. I fear talking about it will just add to his stress.

    • Reply
  • April
    Dedicated September 2018
    April ·
    • Flag
    Just schedule the photos and accept whatever weight you are that day, be happy. Also, continue a healthy lifestyle even after the wedding so you can live a long happy healthy life together. Smiley shame
    • Reply
  • Reah
    Just Said Yes July 2018
    Reah ·
    • Flag

    Thank you guys!! This really helped me on multiple levels. I try not to feel or be vain, but I was a little too focused on the photos, as mentioned. It definitely made me re-evaluate where I was coming from. I guess I have been stressed because I know he's mad at himself, so it makes me sad when things push back his progress and I know he'll be more frustrated. I need to step back from the whole thing and chill! I internalize things so (luckily) I've never actually said anything negative or not shown support. I'm just so anxious about everything and start to fixate on the meaningless details >_<

    The advice of scheduling the photoshoot is a really good idea and I think that will work well for us both. Also thanks for the advice on the dieting and meal planning!

    For reals! It helps a lot to have this community. I don't have any girl friends, so I've been kinda dealing with all these feelings alone.

    • Reply
  • Bride Brain
    Devoted May 2018
    Bride Brain ·
    • Flag
    Make him realize that you want to marry him the way he looks. I weighed way more than I wanted to during engagement photos but my FH reminds me whenever I bring it up that I'm the most beautiful woman to him and he wants to marry me no matter what size I am. That meant the world to me.

    If he's not losing weight, I would suggest trying other stuff. A nutritionist once told me to try cutting out one of the following: gluten, carbs, meat, dairy for 2 weeks. Different bodies process things differently so which ever 2 weeks made you feel the best, that's what you should cut out to figure out what diet will work for your FH.

    When my FH proposed, I weighed the most I have ever. The best things he did for me was support my weight loss by going along with any diet plan I suggested, or cheering me on when I reached exercising goals but also reminding me every step of the way that I was the most beautiful person to him no matter what.
    • Reply
  • HowCo Industries
    VIP September 2018
    HowCo Industries ·
    • Flag
    Men are usually more successful losing weight than women. First thing I'd do is have a talk to make sure he's sticking to the diet. "Extreme" changes aren't generally recommended and he may just not be up to it. Right after that, I'd get him to a doctor. If there's really no weight loss there may be a medical reason.
    Just-- love him. I'm not in your head or relationship but make sure you're not pushing him too hard. This might not be as important to him.
    • Reply
  • Tara
    Master September 2018
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    For most people that arent at the weight they want to be a wedding is a major motivation not a sole reason
    • Reply
  • Tara
    Master September 2018
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    My first 3 weeks were slow too! 11 lbs but by week 4 and 5 they started melting off. Try the intermiten fasting, its recommended. dont give up you can do this!
    • Reply

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