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How to decline?

ell3487, on April 21, 2021 at 6:32 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4

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I am feeling very stressed out. My brother cancelled his wedding last year. I just received word that they are planning on rescheduling for this October. I was hoping they would opt for 2022, but I understand that this is their day and it is their choice. I know many people are having weddings now and are also getting vaccinated. I am in a very difficult position because I have serious a health condition and I am also contraindicated for receiving vaccines because of the way they can affect my condition. At this point in time, I honestly do not feel safe traveling out of state, staying in a hotel or going to large events in 2021. The wedding will not be a small/intimate event. I know I can't be alone in feeling this way when we are still climbing out of a global health crisis. Unfortunately, my own family often lacks understanding and support when it comes to my health limitations. I know that my declining to go will be a huge deal. I can't risk my health no matter what and I otherwise really want to go. This is a nightmare.

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Allie, on April 22, 2021 at 8:50 AM

VIP January 2019
Maggie · on April 21, 2021 at 6:43 PM
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Of course protecting your health is the most important thing. You reasons for not wanting to travel/attend a wedding this year are completely valid. I am sorry you are anticipating pushback from your family. I just wanted to say that there are no "magic words" that will get them to accept your decision. Your best option to tell your brother as soon as possible (get it over with so it's not hanging over your head) with minimal explanation (presumably your brother already knows about your health condition!), express your sincere regret, and then change the subject.
When he or another family member brings it up again, say you have already made your decision and change the subject or end the conversation (hang up the phone, leave the room, whatever). Repeat. They can be upset with you, but that's on them. It's not your job to make them see reason. I like the acronym JADE as a reminder.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on April 21, 2021 at 7:01 PM
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Would you ever think about suggesting that they do virtual for you? For some of my guests we are doing Lovecast which is an awesome app specifically for weddings. It’s super easy to use, it’s free, and it’s one push of a button through text message and you’re able to view the ceremony crystal clear. I’m sure there may be other people that feel the same way that might be invited to their wedding. You can’t be the only person out of a large wedding that has concerns. Maybe suggesting this to them may help them with some of their other guests that might have the same worries.
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Dedicated August 2024
Ivory · on April 21, 2021 at 10:46 PM
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I am so sorry you're in this position.

It's painful, but your health and safety need to come first, and if your brother really cares about you, he'll understand. He may still be disappointed, but if he's a good brother, he'll accept that you need to do what is best for your health.
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Expert September 2022
Allie · on April 22, 2021 at 8:50 AM
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I just want to echo the sentiments already expressed by the three prior posters! Your health comes first, plain and simple. I also doubt that your brother would truly want you to risk your health to attend his event in person (but hopefully live stream would be an option, even if just for the ceremony). He might be a little disappointed at first, but I think deep down everyone will understand. I personally think your brother would feel beyond terrible if you did catch something by attending. I wish you the best of luck navigating this difficult situation!
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