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Beginner July 2022

How to deal w/planning bad news/depression?

Sharon, on December 15, 2021 at 11:51 PM Posted in Planning 0 7

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Curious how others are coping with planning stress and receiving bad news? I’ve lost 2 bridesmaids and 2 major musicians (friends) due to unavoidable conflicts, and have been getting strung along by a number of different vendors who either bait and switch their offerings, or seem to be holding out for a bigger ticket budget than ours for our high season Saturday date. I already feel like our $50k budget is huge, but am repeatedly getting told it’s not at all enough for our area (NY/LI), and not in a gentle way, but a really mean “you must be some kind of moron” way. We have several contracts so we can’t back out and elope now, but I’m having a really hard time finding the will to keep going. My fiancé is a wonderful man, but he’s more lost than I am, and only helps when tasks are very small and basically spelled out for him. Add in the what-will-covid-do-next x standard holiday stress… and here I am at quarter to midnight clutching a glass of wine and my dog-eared wedding planner begging strangers for help on an online forum…. 😩. 😵‍💫Thoughts/tips/encouragement?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Sharon, on January 5, 2022 at 1:04 PM

Savvy August 2022
Stephanie · on December 16, 2021 at 12:18 AM
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Hi Sharon. I've been struggling with vendors these past couple of weeks. I get your stress. In some ways it comes with the territory. But that doesn't mean it's okay for people to treat you like that. Your budget is just fine. The industry is wack. Sending you positive thoughts tonight.
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Super September 2021
Sharon · on December 16, 2021 at 12:34 AM
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I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. I'm in NYC and your budget should be fine as long as you're not having a huge wedding. No vendor should make you feel like they're doing you a favor by taking your money. It's very unprofessional. Regardless of how big or small your wedding is every vendor should make you feel like you are their most important client. If possible I would shop around for vendors who would like to work with you and your budget.
And for all of their great qualities most men are not very good at wedding planning lol. That's why these forums exist 😁😄
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Expert March 2022
devotedlydavis · on December 16, 2021 at 5:58 AM
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I think everyone is struggling with vendors right now. For me it was catering. We set up our tasting based on what they were offering, but we get there and they throw us a surprise that they’ve changed offerings due to price hikes and shortages. I get it - I know they’re facing those things. But I don’t understand why they don’t call and tell you in advance that 1/2 the things you’re tasting are now on the “more expensive/additional cost” menu. I think everyone is struggling in the new COVID times, but I’m so sorry to hear they’re being rude to you. That’s uncalled for.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on December 19, 2021 at 5:04 AM
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I'm sorry that you have had bad experiences finding attentive vendors. There is alot of talent in NY/LI so, "thank you, next". High season in NY is spring and fall, so vendors shouldn't be using that excuse to turn you down for a larger group. 50k is smaller on average for LI but doable unless the point of surprise is your guestlist size? As for the "bait and switch", there are many shortages out there from paper to flowers to lobster. Supply chain is really changing the food and hospitality industry. My advice would be to roll with it and be intentional about eliminating elements that are unnecessary to your vision. You will not miss them.
Will you be having a giant NY-style cocktail hour? There's opportunity to reduce costs by food options. As long as everyone is fed with warm food, you're fine. Unike some on WW, I do not think food "makes or breaks" a wedding. We have alot of great food in NY, I doubt your guests will expect mass-made catering to be the same as restaurant-dining (unless they don't eat out much). For the rest, try to tackle each point on your checklist one at a time. Soon you will enjoy a lull when you don't do much and just wait for your dress to come in. At this time, I strongly advise you to shut off pinterest, shut down nagging feelings that you should "add more", and be open to the vision that your wedding will be fun and memorable just how it is. My husband and I started couples counseling a couple weeks before and after our wedding and it put us in the marriage mindset. Sometimes I read my wedding cards to destress in my marriage.
If you have your groom, your family and friends are in good health, everyone is fed, and no one gets COVID, then you have succeeded in the NY wedding season. Best wishes!
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Beginner July 2022
Sharon · on December 19, 2021 at 10:28 PM
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❤️ thanks for the wisdom and perspective! ❤️
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on December 19, 2021 at 10:41 PM
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Think outside of the box and see what venues and vendors you can work with who actually want to work with you. The snarky mean ones treat you the way they do because they know they can get away with it and no one will bat an eye because the public is conditioned to believe that type of interaction is normal between vendor and client, when it is not. If you don’t feel comfortable with a vendor, find out if you are better off eating the deposit and moving on to a better vendor. Just because some vendors don’t care about customers beyond the money they bring doesn’t mean their behavior is acceptable.
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