How to deal with not being a bridesmaid

Hi. Did you pull your friend to the side and asked why you're not a BM. Your situation sounds like mine except in the bride. I love my BFF. Friends/sisters for over 20 years but I didn't ask her to be in my wedding for a few reasons. Once I explained them to her she was fine. She was still upset but she knew my reasons was done in love for our relationship.
Ex. She don't work... she'll nevrr be able tp afford dress shoes makeup or get to appointments or rehearsals cuz she don't drive either.
Ex. We're totally opposite she's loud partying type she has no professionalism. My wedding is elegant.
My advice to you is to talk to your friend and hear her out.

With the wedding so close just go and support her. Maybe ask her afterwards if it's really bugging you.

My "bff" that I've known since the 3rd grade asked me last weekend while we were all drunk and camping when we were going to talk about her being a BM and demanded that she be MOH. I've been avoiding the subject with her because I don't want her as a BM let alone MOH. She is super pushy and judgmental and hates everything I love. Literally every single thing I've picked out so far she has flat out told me she doesn't like. She is also a mean drunk and rude to my FH. She hasn't been excited for me AT ALL since I got engaged 6 months ago except for her FB posts where she posts her countdown of all her trips and mine is in the list. Everything is posts on FB is BS lies. Long story short the subject was changed quickly and we ended up leaving the camping trip early because of her meanness and now I don't even want her at the wedding. If she asks me sober why she's not a BM I will be honest with her. Hopefully your friend will be honest with you.

I would ask for curiosity but I wouldn't make a huge deal about it or ask to join the bridal party at this point.

I would let it go. Best friends or not, I believe it is pretty wrong to expect to be put in someones bridal party. You are obviously allowed to be upset about anything you choose, but I wouldnt confront her. She may have reasons you havent thought of that keep her from adding yiubas a bridesmaid.

I get how you are feeling. My best friend was my maid of honor in my wedding. I wasn't in her bridal party when she got married. At first I was bummed and thought that I valued our friendship more than her and that I put more work into our friendship. Then I remembered that I wasn't owed a position in her bridal party. I didn't ask her why I wasn't in her bridal party because I think that's rude and puts your friend in an awkward position.

As time went on I accepted her position and was actually happy I wasn't in the bridal party. Not long after I got married we started house hunting and trying for kids. I was glad I didn't have the extra expense of being a bridesmaid. Could I have afforded it? Probably but between house hunting, packing, moving and getting ready to start a family I was already spread thin mentally, emotionally, and financially. I was glad to not have another responsibility during a time in my life when I had a lot going on.

I chose to believe that my friend knew this and didn't want me in a position where I felt like I had to be involved. That might not be the case, but she's my friend and I know that she cares about me. I trust that her decision was out of kindness and not because she was a bad person. If this person really is your friend I think you have to not make this moment about you and accept the decision. I'm not saying it won't be hard and that you shouldn't feel hurt; I just don't think it's your friends fault or responsibility to make you feel better and explain her decision.

Hi Shannon! Welcome to the WeddingWire Community! I can understand your frustration, especially since you were involved with planning. However, I wouldn’t take it too personal. Sometimes things like this just happen. Just overlook it, attend the wedding, and have fun. I hope your friendship remains well!

I didn't ask one of my best friends to be in my bridal party. We have a relationship where we go years without talking and then spend every waking minute together. And then repeat the pattern. When we got engaged we had been in one of our weird spells and while I thought about asking her, I didnt. I didnt feel comfortable asking her to buy a dress when i was being a crap friend. We're back to talking every day and my wedding is a few weeks ago. She gives me a hard time about not asking, all in good fun but I think she understands where my thought process was. It's hard to know unless you ask, but it's one heck of an uncomfortable conversation.

I would definitely ask her why and tell her how hurt you are.

Weddings are strange. Bridal parties are odd things. We may anticipate being asked due to our relationship, but we shouldn't expect it. There could be any number of reasons why she didn't ask you and since it sounds like you are so close, I'm sure none of them are against you personally, and so I would let this go. I wouldn't dwell on what the groom said too much anyway, and you shouldn't be getting information from him. Celebrate with your friend and move on.

I know it may hurt your feelings not to be in the bridal party but try not to let it bother you. I just posted a few days ago about a texted I recieved from a cousin who doesn't want an invitation to my wedding. My mom seems to think it's part jealousy and part that I didn't ask her to be in my wedding. I'm sorry her feelings are hurt but I truly picked the ladies I'm closest to and that are in my life on a daily basis. It wasn't meant to be a slight against her but when I was selecting my bridesmaids she just wasn't someone that I absolutely wanted standing up next ti Ms on that day. Try not to take it to hard or let it change your friendship. There are any number of reasons why she may not have asked you but dont let it bother you too much. Easier said than done I suppose.

I don't think you should take it too personally since you were invited to the bridal shower not being either in the wedding party or part of her family (yes that's a compliment to get invited). There's obviously no ill will on her part, especially since she wanted to give you a longer than normal hug. She's trying to tell you that she cares about you a lot. That's more positive than explaining something negative as to why you weren't chosen.

Besides, you see it on these forums a million times a day about a bride who doesn't want someone to be in a bridal party because of X or Y (the less dramatic X's and Y's) so, who knows, maybe you were someone that she really really wanted but couldn't afford, didn't want to bother, wanted you to enjoy it as a guest (honestly that was a reason why I didn't select someone for my party... because my wedding would've been the first real wedding in Hawaii that she attended and I knew how excited she was so I didn't want to give her any obligations) or any other reason. You'd still a part of her life and was invited to the wedding so if she means that much to you, be grateful for at least that.

I know this is a year old topic.. but I am in the same position .. what did you end up doing? Was the wedding awkward? Are you still friends now?

I had accepted I wasn’t a BM to my bff since kindergarten since she asked her 2 sisters and 4 girls (that she’s only known for 4-5 years) but are the wives/girlfriends of her fiancés groomsmen/best friends (&she had been in all their wedding parties - for the same reason I assume). But then she invited 2 friends to the out of town bachelorette party who aren’t actually bridesmaids and that she hasn’t seen them in years (and was never as close to as we were/are - we were practically sisters and completely inseparable growing up). I don’t understand why she didn’t also invite me to the bachelorette party if she had other non-bridesmaids there.. her bridal shower is tomorrow and the wedding is mid October. I am going to the bridal shower but I am super hurt as I would’ve asked her to be my bridesmaid (or at the very least to be somehow involved) if I were getting married next month. If the OP or anyone reads this.. Any advice on how to deal/cope is very much appreciated.

View Quoted Comment I am in a similar situation as the one you shared. I am trying to stay positive and focus on being happy for my best friend even though it feels like our friendship is fading. Did things just go back to normal after your best friend’s wedding? It feels like ever since I got married and had children first, there was a disconnection between my best friend and I. And now she’s been focused on finding her own happily ever after so it’s been sorta quiet between us. I’m not sure what our friendship will be like after her wedding is over and the dust settles a bit. Feels like friendship limbo.

I applaud all the posts advocating restraint, but I just going to throw a WTF out there. It sounds like you did a lot for this chick and the something happened that you were completely unaware of. I would first check in with the bride to make sure your relationship is okay. If it is, then I would devaluate your relationship to casual friend status. Yes, you have to be mature and ask her valuation of you. But, no, you do not need to continue investing energy into an unreciprocated relationship. Find people who value you and invest in them.

My best friend uninvited me to be her MOH through a text 5 mins before I arrived to her house to look at wedding dresses. I don't know what I did to upset her but she has been distant from me ever since she got engaged.

View Quoted Comment I know this is an old post now, but if you see this reply, I'm curious how you ended up dealing with this. I recently had a very similar situation happen. I got married last summer and one of my very close friends who competed on a sports team with me in both college and HS and have been close since then was a bridesmaid for me. I wanted her as my maid of honor, but ended up asking someone else because this friend was kind of flakey and unreliable at times and while we were still close, these two girls on our college team who roomed with her after I graduated kind of swooped in and stole her as bff from me (I get I'm not entitled to being her bff and these things naturally happen when you move apart so I'm not mad at any of them, it just sucks feeling like I've been replaced by these new bffs), so I felt awkward making her a maid of honor when I knew she probably didn't view me as her closest friend any more and likely wouldn't reciprocate for her wedding the next summer. We are still close though so I expected I'd likely still be a bridesmaid for her. She ended up having those 2 roommates who she's now besties with and another younger HS teammate she was only on the team with for 2 years and that girl went to college out of state, plus her brother's gf who she doesnt really like and the groom's sister as her bridesmaids. While I understand you can't always have everyone you want in your party and I know she's also close with these other friends too and the 2 family bridesmaids made sense, it still hurt a bit because she's known all these people for less time than me and wasn't initially as close with any of them as we were together. What really hurt was it appeared they wanted more men involved than women to they made a bunch of men ushers and basically included them in wedding party activities. Two guy friends from our friend group who are not close to the groom (just the bride) got included over me, so like if she had actually wanted me involved they could have promoted one from extra usher to groomsman to balance numbers with bridesmaids. This was hurtful I didn't make the cut over all these people but then on top of it, I didn't even get invited to the bachelorette party. Her bachelorette was small, but it included a friend who was not in the wedding party, so it hurt that I wasn't at least invited to that. I get I'm not entitled to anything with her, so I don't plan to address this with her, but it hurts still. Based on her flaking out on me several times in the years since the two roommates kind of replaced me as bff, I suspected I valued her more than she values me. This just confirmed that. I still want to stay friends, but I've accepted she doesn't value me as much anymore and plan on more matching her efforts in the friendship now instead of getting hurt putting in more effort than her.