How To Deal With Disinterested Mother

I think you say to her what you just said here. Talk to her and let her know how her remarks make you feel and that you just want to share this experience with her.

Some people are quirky like that unfortunately. Try not to take it personally. Utilize the forums here for discussion instead.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Definitely do what makes the two of you happy, and let others' opinions come with a grain of salt. My mom and FMIL also would keep mentioning the cost when we discussed options with them, but once we settled on what we wanted/signed contracts (guest count, venue, catering package, etc), they couldn't really offer up their opinions anymore. I think generally moms tend to get more excited for the girly stuff, like dress shopping, flowers, favors, etc, so maybe continue to ask her opinions on those items, but ultimately if she continues to upset you after you talk to her about this, you might just want to push forward and not share too many details, so as not to put a damper on your planning.

My mother-in-law is very much about cost when it comes to everything so we just don't share that information with her. She tried talking my sister-in-law out of flowers at her wedding so when we got engaged my sister-in-law warned me not to discuss too much with my mother-in-law otherwise I wanted to hear about how we could save money by doing x instead of y. While it totally sucks that your mom doesn't want to be involved, I would limit what you share. I also find it odd that she doesn't believe in happy successful marriages if she's been married for over 40 years unless she's miserable being married in which case why stay married.

Wow, I can relate to this so much. My mom is quite a negative person, doesn't really believe in love (although she loves my fiancé and is happy we're getting married), and thinks everything is way too expensive - she's also not paying for anything. If your mom's anything like mine, there's no making her interested in something she couldn't care less about. I went off on my mom because she hurt my feelings quite a few times and I had enough. My mom is my best friend, and I thought she would've been a lot more supportive throughout this whole process. After I told her what she was saying was effecting me and my experience negatively, she did (I think) see where I was coming from and tried to be better/more supportive. But it is what it is. No one's going to be as excited as we are. As much as you want her to be more apart of it, etc. I would stop bringing things up to her if you feel she responds negatively to most things. That's what my friends told me to do, not let my mom put a damper on things. When I stopped, and told her I wasn't going to involve her anymore, it seemed like it made her come around a bit more. You could try doing that? Don't let it get you down though, whatever you decide to do I'm sure she'll be so happy for you and more supportive once the day gets closer. Wish you the best!!

I'd sit down and talk to her about how you are feeling and see why she is this way when it comes to her own daughters wedding.

I would have a heart-to-heart with your Mom and ask why she’s so disinterested. It sounds like there aren’t any issues with your relationship with her so it’s hard to say why she is being the way she is. As other PPs have said, it could just be because that’s what she’s like. Perhaps she’s in denial about this big step in your life and still sees you as her little girl.

Have a chat to her and tell her you want her to be happy for you and just ask what’s going on 😊

My mother... ignored my email about family addresses and heirloom jewelry for weeks and weeks. Did not call or email or even ask in any way about wedding planning until 4 1/2 months into the engagement (we had a less than 8 month engagement)... at which point she offered to buy a cake and drive it, in August, in the northeast, 60 miles to the wedding. Her sole contribution to the wedding planning effort was behaving so badly at the wedding shower, my friends were concerned about my mental health (...I thought she had done well, for her).

She then got the invitation, which did not have her name on them, due to the aforementioned lack of involvement.... and declined to come. It's been over a year since we last spoke to her.

You're not alone.

Our culture places this intense spotlight on the mother-daughter relationship, which backfires all the time.

I'm sorry.

If you are close with her, absolutely have a chat with her about this.

If not, know that we are here, you're not alone, and it's ok to be hurt and frustrated.

After I heard what my mom had to say about my wedding ring, I could tell what any other discussions about the wedding would probably be like so I just didn't talk with her about them. She came wedding dress shopping and I kept it to that. My wife's mom declined to come at all so she wasn't a part of it either. Thus, we didn't have mom involvement except for a friend who definitely played a mother role for us through hosting the wedding shower and being there for us the whole wedding day. My advice? Stop talking to your mom about it and instead talk to those who support you and care. It will be a far more positive experience in the end.

Girl I totally get what you are saying and feeling, I feel like my mom is the same way and I feel like I'm in the exact same situation except we are definitely on a lower budget, my fh is out of work because of an injury right after covid started. She seemed interested for a minute but is so focused on anyone elses wedding but mine.