How to deal with an estranged family member

Stop referring to a mentally ill member of your family as the "black sheep ". You don't have to invite everyone but stigmatising his illness is not nice on your part. At least my place as "black sheep" was well earned through my years of antagonising my misogynistic grandfather.

I don't understand why they don't want him there? Did he blantantly do something? Or is his diagnosis extremely severe? Like violent tendancies? I don't think having mental health issues should exclude family members from a celebration, unless he has severe ones that cross over into safety concerns IMO.

The question is. Do you feel comfortable around him? Want him there? Don't want him there? And he should know that you are getting married. Why would you not tell him?

What exactly did he do wrong? What legit reason do they have for trying to ban him?

I knew someone was going to say something about the "black sheep" part. Didn't really know how to title this and describe a family member with issues (not just mental) that no one really talks to, especially since I wasn't referring to his mental health issues as being the black sheep. He unfortunately has a lot of problems, and I was looking for advice to go approach the subject with him if I run into him which is highly likely now.

Does he have a illness with violent tendencies? Are you comfortable around him? I guess I'm on the same page as previous people have said.

Edit: saw you clarified stuff. I would just tell him it's a smaller intimate affair.

What kind of issues though? Did he kill someone? Or did he beat someone up? It's hard to give advice on something when you don't know the reason why YOUR parents don't want him there, but you didn't give an opinion on if you wanted him there.

If you want him there, invite him. He is family.

If not, then you still need to let him know, don't lie to the man. How would that make him feel? Probably ostracized since no one in the family told him you were getting married, that he wasn't invited, and that you work closely to him, especially you.

Most people have problems. If you don't say what they are, how do we know that you and your family aren't just being dicks to a poor guy that can't help it?

I guess you could just ignore him like everyone else does. He's probably used to it by now.

I honestly feel really bad because if I talk about it if we see each other he may want to come. As I said my parents who generally dislike each other, both are adamant about keeping him away. Neither my uncle or aunt have said anything to him, even though my aunt is the only one who talks to him. I never really saw him act violent but I have seen how he verbally attacks my mom and other uncle. I don't even know how to describe it. Just that unfortunately out of nowhere he'll cause drama and start fighting with his siblings. The last time I saw him was at Thanksgiving dinner with my mom, brother, and other uncle. It was after dinner and all of a sudden he starts verbally fighting with her and my mom is just cleaning up after feeding us. My brother, uncle and I just stared at each other because it was so incredibly awkward but typical behavior from him. He may act violent which I have never seen, maybe my parents did, but they express safety concerns.

Isn't it a conflict of interest to provide care or information to a family member? Does your facility have rules against this? Can't you just let your boss know and request to not treat him?

Does your clinic know that he is your uncle? I would imagine that there are ethical issues with you working with him in any capacity. I feel like your supervisor should be restricting you from interacting with him in a professional setting. If they do this, that would also reduce the chance of you running into him. Lastly, please dont refer to him as the black sheep just because he has mental health issues.

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As I said he was a really good uncle to me. And I would talk to him if I ever meet with him, but I am definitely put in a bad situation because my parents don't want him there. Maybe they saw things I didn't see. I think a big reason is and my other uncle expressed this concern too, that he might cause drama on the wedding day, and everyone just wants the day to go smoothly.

Just tell him you can't accommodate any more. Since you don't have any issue cutting people from their SOs, why does an estranged family member make any difference?

In all seriousness, I agree with BeachDreams, surely there are some ethics rules that come into play regarding you dealing with him. ETA to your comment, your parents have known your uncle longer than you have, I'm sure they know a lot about him than you do.

Okay, yeah, see, if you had said "He verbally attacks people out of nowhere and makes my parents question their safety" then it would've been way different. You kinda made it sound like he was abandoned for having a mental illness.

If you run into him, knowing the situation now, I suggest being professional, as you will be in a work environment. If he asks questions, just answer honestly and quickly and move on. Or use your position as a staff member to say "That's personal information, I can't answer that, I'm sorry." If he causes issues with an outburst like he has towards you parents, I'm sure there are coworkers who will separate the two of you. Of course, his feelings will probably be hurt. But as there is a legitimate concern, it can't be helped, and there's really no way around it.

I have worked in several facilities with family/friends as patients, and there has been no problem. They are treated just like every other patient. Its a professional setting and a violation of HIPAA to disclose information about such patients. I knew he was a patient there, just didn't think I'd have a chance of running into him. My schedule has changed a bit so there has opened that chance. As I said before I am not referring to him as the black sheep because he has mental health issues. I am referring him as that because no one in my family has contact with him minus my aunt.

Were there no issues because no one knew that you had a personal relationship with these patients or because your supervisors were actually okay with it? I also work at a mental health clinic, and that would NOT be okay in our treatment setting.

I should have worded my title better and used the word estranged. Apologies. I couldn't think of that word at the time.

No, he definitely wasn't abandoned because of his mental health issues. Everyone was very supportive of him getting treatment and continuing because that is something he, and every individual with mental health issues should receive. Everyone still hopes he continues and will eventually feel better and happy.

It's just that how he acts to others, especially his family, is very alarming and concerning.

Nikki, I did actually mention this to my parents recently and they just basically said its his behavior.

It may not be a secret that your uncle seeks treatment, but I hope you are not letting anyone know that you saw or spoke to your uncle as a patient, excluding this publicly searchable forum, of course. If someone recognized you and knows you, they could put two and two together from this post.

ETA - I have never been allowed access to a family member's medical records or any part of their chart. To be on the safe side, I always erred on the side of caution and passed onto a coworker any family or friend that came across my desk while working in insurance and billing which isn't even the detailed sensitive information.

I'm a firm believer of HIPAA. I am not disclosing much but the facts here as I was looking for advice to handle this situation as gentle as possible if I would to run into him there.