How to deal with a brides maid with an anxiety disorder....

If she's important ask her. Even if she doesn't make it, I'm sure she'll appreciate the thought. Friendships should be more valuable than aesthetics.

Ask her. If she makes it amazing! If not oh well, it's not that she doesn't love you. and don't do a back up bridesmaid. That's rude.

I would ask her if you really want to! If her condition is that severe, she might say no.

I would ask her, but be incredibly prepared for a no. And who knows? She might be able to handle it, which would be awesome. If she truly is your best friend, the least you can do is ask and respect her answer either way.

I would also ask her and let her make the call. Be prepared for any possibility, and don't worry about even bridal parties; most of mine are not.

I would ask her. I have agoraphobia and I was able to travel to my sister's wedding. I just had to take a long time to prepare myself, she might be able to do the same. Good luck

Get over your "weirdness" about even numbers and ask her. She can decide! Sounds like you want her there, and she'd be hurt if you didn't ask.

Agreed with PPs, ask her but prepared if she declines and know it's not personal.

If you do ask her though, I wouldn't try to replace her for the sake of keeping the numbers the same.

Gotta get over the evenness, it just may not happen, Your friendship is more important than an even bridal party. In 5 years, it won't matter!! But your friendship will, and showing support to her will.

I know you said you're weird about having an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. But I think this is where you decide which you value more in the long run: an even number of people in pictures, or knowing you gave your friend a chance and possibly having her at your side on your day.

Devil's advocate though: would it put pressure on her to ask her? Make sure you think about it from her perspective too, would she appreciate being asked and having to decide if she can handle it. Or decide that her disorder might get in the way. That she might not be able to travel, and stand up in front of everyone, etc.

It truly doesn't matter one whit if the parties are even. Honestly, no one will notice. There were some things that I was picky about like that going in to planning and once I really got into it I began to realize that it was infinitely more important that I have those I love with me and that everyone have a good time. Ask her. You'll regret it if you don't and honestly she would likely be upset. Even if she can't be there she should get to know you wish she was. Then if she can't make it just have 2 GM escort one BM or something like that. No one will bat an eye, I promise.

She already knows I want her as a bridesmaid. She's just the type that will get me really excited about her being there and then bailing last minute (birthday dinners, graduations, my farewell party, Christmas parties). I just know that I'll be hurt if she doesn't make it and I can respect her decision if she decides not to come, but it would still make me a little upset.

Since you know it could happen that she accepts and then can't bring herself to come, and you know it's her agoraphobia, and not her lack of love for you, that could possibly cause that to happen, then you should prepare yourself for whatever may happen and try not to feel hurt if she doesn't come. Whatever happens in that regard will happen whether you ask her to be a bridesmaid or invite her as a guest.

Oh well then you just have to hope for the best. Try not to let yourself get too excited (I know that's hard with wedding planning) and keep open communication with her. Hopefully she can make it.

Agoraphobia is pretty serious. Do either one of you think she would realistically be able to make it 700 miles away?

I have agoraphobia as well but am working through it. I would be sad if I knew you wanted to ask me but just assumed I would say no. I would want you to acknowledge my struggle but still let me know you care and what I mean to you. I don't like being put on the spot, but I hate being ignored.

No one in my life besides FH does that for me. Ever. It's part of why we've had such a long engagement, but I don't usually share that here...

ETA: I understand you feel disappointed when she cancels - I get equally disappointed when I cancel. But if there's any way you can lower your expectations, I'm sure that would help both of you. Be happy if she can make it when the day comes, but don't expect either outcome. "Expectation is the source of all unhappiness" is something I've had to learn the hard way. Just know that she'll probably do her best.

It's not uncommon for agoraphobics to remain relatively calm about an event as long as it isn't something they need to attend to in the immediate future (as in today or tomorrow). There is a good chance that she will start to feel intense anxiety as the day approaches, and she may not show up. In her head, she wishes she could, but she can't.

Please don't let it upset you (even though it's upsetting). Agoraphobics are already keenly aware of the fact that they live in a prison with an unlocked door; they simply can't walk through that door without an extreme physical reaction. It's a complicated and torturous condition, primarily because to everyone else, it looks like a choice to live an isolated, lonely lifestyle.

I'd ask her, hope for the best, and prepare for the worst. As far as uneven sides, not to sound judgmental, but an uneven bridal party is nowhere near as sad as knowing that the empty space should be filled by a good friend who is so afflicted that she just couldn't show up.

@centerpiece "...they live in a prison with an unlocked door; they simply can't walk through that door..." Nail on the head.

I have 3 bridesmaids, with only one best man. Equal parties isn't really a big issue. I would ask her and let her know there is no obligation if it will make her uncomfortable

Ask her- it's her decision to make.