How to cut off a friendship before wedding

The best thing you can do is keep declining invitations. Keep your friendship to a work level only. Don’t talk about the wedding or planning. It may take a minute, but they will get the drift that this relationship has met it’s course

Is this coworker someone you will have to continue to work with? I ask because it sounds like she might be the type to cause lots of drama at work with the passive aggression. I really hour not, for your sake!
If you feel it’s best not to ever see her socially, you have to do what’s best for you and in that case absolutely don’t invite her to the wedding or any pre-wedding activities. If she brings it up, just let her know you and your FH have already selected your wedding parties and leave it at that. Presumably, if you don’t intend to see her again socially, any interaction that comes up would be at work and I would let her know you don’t care to discuss your wedding at work. Good luck! Sometimes people really don’t know how overbearing and pushy they can be.

Some more info about why I no longer want to be friends:


At first, our values seemed to align but over time certain things have caused some riffs. My partner and I don't drink much, and at first she said she and her husband don't either... but now they drink quite a bit and are often wanting to drink as the purpose of our getting together (at their house or at events/dinner/bar). This makes us uncomfortable.
We are wanting to be budget-conscious, them not so much. This causes issues when we don't want to spend money but they are wanting to go out or buy gifts for each other for every gift-giving holiday/birthday.
It feels like a freeway situation where all she wants to do is compete with me except that I have no desire to have a friendship like that. I am not a competitive person with other people. I like to find the value in others and celebrate that, not feel I need to always be better than others. So being in a friendship where she is so competitive, whether it is with having a nicer car, a bigger home, nicer things, a better relationship, making more money, etc. It never ends. It is toxic to me and I cannot handle it.

View Quoted Comment Good question. We do not work together anymore. So if we cut ties that would be the end of that.

This a tough one. As far as bridesmaids, no one should expect to be in someone’s wedding. So you don’t have to ask her to be a bridesmaid if you don’t want her to be one. As far as inviting her, you sound like you are over the friendship, so why bother.


You are going to have to say something to her or else you are going to have to keep dodging her socially and professionally and that is going to get tiring. Good luck girl.

I’m an introvert and end up with many extrovert friends. Sometimes they need to know that their energy can be overwhelming, some people don’t know. I understand that you shouldn’t have to explain, it depends on whether or not it was a good friendship. You may just have to let the friendship fade away

It does sound kind of a tiring friendship. I had friends like that and I just .. stopped replying. But it does get tiring so I think in the end what is more effective is just saying this friendship isn’t working out, you wish them the best, but it’s taxing on you.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree!
You’ve got months before the Covid thing is over so there’s no need to entertain or promise anything. I’d say you need some personal space as you’re dealing with a lot right now.

If she asks about an invite you can say you’re sorry but Covid has changed a lot in your plans and it’ll be a smaller guest list. Case closed. No invite.

Don't just duck out the back door, or disappear. You may not get on as well as you like, but it does not sound like deliberate meanness, just personality differences. So be up front and honest with them. If their steamroller effect in person is too much to do it face to face, write them a letter . not something electronic they will blip to others without thinking but pen and paper. A Dear John letter for the friendship. Say that some of the time off from the company of others due to Covid, has actually been something of a relief. That for 2 introverted homebodies, at first their friendship seemed fun and exciting. But over time, more and more, you have felt tense and unhappy after time spent with them. As people who rarely drink, you find yourselves drinking more than you want, and that too many times socializing with them seem centered around it. You are quiet and noncompetitive, and feel overwhelmed by constant conversations on who has what, or who has done what. And you have decided to spend what social time you have with quieter homebodies like yourselves. Quieter, more easygoing people you will feel happier and more relaxed with, and not drained and overloaded, as you have felt after recent time with them. Do your best to make it seem basic personality differences, no examples of things to argue about. You are not negotiating terms to change or repair things
Just saying , we have not liked how we have felt recently with them, and are looking for different friends. After, do not engage in any drama. Just, this is how we feel. This friendship had it's good points, but has run it's course. We want different things in the future.

I think since you don’t work together you’ll probably never run into her again. Just be polite and let the conversation fizzle.

No is a complete sentence.

You two don't want to drink, and that's all they want to do? "No, thanks."

They want to go and spend money and you don't? "No."

And when she pushes back, that means she is annoyed that you are setting boundaries. Keep saying "no" - gently, but firmly. You don't have to justify the no (that actually makes it weaker in many cases).

If you *do* want to talk and maybe explain to her why, start with the introvert thing. DH and I are introverts. (We actually handled quarantining pretty well for the first few months. Admittedly it's now a little old.) Don't apologize for being an introvert, just make it a statement. Let her know she's asking too much. (It sounds like this is a theme with her, and that's a Her Problem.) Your fun activities don't line up, anymore, and that's ok.

I liked Judith’s advice. I think not replying or simply dodging her is kind of a cowardly approach. You are both adults, and you should have a conversation about how you feel. I look at it the same way as a breakup... it feels pretty awful when you spend time with someone, you think it’s going well and you’re on the same page, and then they ghost you. It’s a disrespectful, easy way out. I’m not saying remain friends, but give her an explanation and then move on if that’s how you feel.