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Expert June 2021

How to cut a guest list without bad blood

on November 24, 2019 at 2:54 PM Posted in Planning 0 12
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I’m going slightly over budget and catering is costing an arm and a leg. My guest list is currently at 84. From my family alone there’s 41 and my fiancé has about 14 or fifteen the rest are friends. My mom is one of 12 kids each of her siblings have between 3-7 kids of their own (my first cousins) my dads side is small just him and his brother, his brother has no kids and then I have my dads aunt, who is my great aunt and her two daughters, my second cousins. I feel there’s no way I can cut my moms side of the family out since they’re all siblings. I can’t invite the aunts and uncles and not their kids or vise versa. I always knew my moms side would overpopulate our wedding but I didn’t know the pricing of catering at the time.
I’m scared to cause any bad blood within the family and I know my mom is going to be so pissed if I don’t invite all of her sisters and brothers and their kids. I feel so stuck.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Marcia, on November 24, 2019 at 11:40 PM
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    From what you wrote, you have a different reason why you can’t cut anyone. Lol!! So then all you can do is follow through with your guestlist and pay. Maybe your mom can assist with covering some of the costs since most of the list for your wedding is made up of her people.
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  • N
    Expert June 2021
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    I know (sigh) unless I cut some friends. I have some on the list I haven’t seen in years but who have been a big part of my life. It’s not many people maybe 5 at most. I’m also hoping having a Friday wedding will cut some guest since it’s a weekday. Some of my mothers sisters are states away. I just have a budget of 5000 I want to stick to but I’m close to 7000 at the moment.
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  • Jennifer
    Devoted September 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Are you super close to the cousins on your mom's side? Why do you say you "can't" invite the aunts and uncles without their children? Are they underage? I'm not inviting any of my adult cousins because I'm just not close to them at all and that would more than double my side of the guest list with people I'm not close to or have spoken to in decades.
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  • N
    Expert June 2021
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    I honestly don’t feel close to any of them. I’ve distanced myself from them for years once my mother made a habit of telling them bad things about me. I don’t if what anyone said in response to her but I’ve chosen to stay away. I guess I just care what they all think and I don’t want her whole side of the family to badmouth me. I’m honestly closer to my dads side. They reach out to me and check on me and my fiancé. My fiancé’s never even met my mothers side only one sister of hers. All of my mothers siblings have grown children. I just don’t know if it’s bad form to invite my mothers sisters and not their children or the other way around. I just feel a lot of pressure and I’m a natural people pleaser and struggle saying no.
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  • Jennifer
    Devoted September 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    It sounds like having your mother's side cousins will only cause unwanted drama on your wedding day. You have to ask yourself if the risk of causing more bad blood on your mom's side (though it sounds like you're already kind of 'done' with them anyway) is worth going **40%** over budget on them. If you really think the damage will be irreparable and you care to keep them in your life (again, it sounds like you don't really care for their negative energy), I would ask your mom if she could help offset the cost. It's your wedding and they should understand that you are working within budget constraints.
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  • Amber
    Super September 2020
    Amber ·
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    Your mom should help pay costs of her family. I'm having the same problem but it's on my dad's side of the family.


    I think it's your decision on who you want at your wedding n who you do not.
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  • N
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
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    Are all 84 confirmed?

    You may find out that not all the family or friends will attend and your costs will drop because of that. Usually about 20% won't be able to make it.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I totally agree! I’d invite everyone on your dad’s side and if your mom balks at why her nieces/nephews aren’t invited say you’re trying to be fair and all of her siblings (and spouses are invited) which is an unfair 24 guests already.


    Or you can invite none of your aunts/uncles. She can throw a fit but honestly if you’re keeping it small that would let you keep all you close friends and stay under budget. I didn’t invite any aunts/uncles because we were much closer when I was young plus we had a very small affair (and my dad doesn’t get along with some siblings, and I like one cousin but not another—just easier to stick with our immediate families & their spouses).
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  • Rose
    Devoted August 2020
    Rose ·
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    I had a similar situation. My mom is one of 6 and my dad one of 5. I had to invite my cousins on my moms side because we actually are close. We see each other every Christmas and any time in between. The cousins on my dads side not so much. I haven’t seen them all in years. The cousins on my dads side all got cut.
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  • N
    Expert June 2021
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    How did your cousins on your dads side take it?
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  • Rose
    Devoted August 2020
    Rose ·
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    We don’t get married until 8/8/20 so I’ll have to let you know If there’s anything to say about it come January/ feb when I send out the save the dates. But honestly I haven’t spoken to them in years and I can only imagine I would laugh if they got up the nerve to ask they they weren’t invited. I wasn’t invited to any of their weddings and there was no bad blood from my side.
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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    My dad has 8 siblings and my mom has 3. I invited all the siblings but only the cousins I’m close to. It would have been 77 extra people including their spouses.
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