How to avoid offending people not invited?

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but it IS useful....most of us have far less people who REALLY want to come to our wedding than we think. Immediate family and best friends is just fine; for everyone else who inquires? "We've decided to eep the guest list very small, but thank you for your good wishes". This is far easier to pull off with 40 guests than 150....

Try to avoid the subject altogether with those uninvited that you know seems to be hunting for an invite. If they are insistent, then just say due to budget and venue, you both have chosen an intimate setting?

Don't worry if you offend someone. Just tell them you're keeping it very small at 40 people. Good luck planning!

No, it's not harsh.

But, you are gonna get "How come Aunt Sally was invited but Aunt Susie wasn't?" I'd recommend inviting in circles. So aunts and uncles, then cousins, then great aunts and uncles, so on and so forth. If you cherry pick from one strata, people will be upset. It's probably obvious to you why you are closer to Sally and not Susie, but it may not be obvious to Susie.

Also, do not talk details with guests and don't lock in your guest list too early.

I thought it would be a big deal in my family. I have 40 cousins, not including their spouses or kids and I was the first to not invite everyone. I did invite aunts and uncles, and one cousin I'm very close to. Honestly? No one had an issue, no one mentioned it, and everything went fine.

I agree with PP's to just not talk about it with anyone not invited, or people that are close to someone that isn't invited. We are having 20 guests and are inviting siblings, parents, and aunts/uncles. I have learned the hard way to avoid the subject completely with FH's aunt and uncle because they threw a fit that the cousins weren't invited.

We hosted about 30 people. There were extended family we are close to but didn't invite because we couldn't afford to host the entire "circle" ie aunts and uncles. There were a couple of people who were/are pretty upset, mostly on H's side. But we made room in the budget for the people we absolutely needed there. It actually sucks to deal with, but just reiterating we kept the guest list small is all we can do. In my opinion, it's ridiculous that people actually make a fuss. Before I even planned a wedding, I'd never dream of making someone feel bad for not inviting me... but even more so after planning one, I totally get why people are or aren't invited. Invite those you want there!

I feel it'd be best to be consistent - if you invite one aunt or uncle, you should send out invites to all of them.

My FH and I had this same conundrum when we drafted up our guest list in regards to cousins - I wanted to extend invites to include younger cousins - as some of my cousins are still babies and toddlers - but we decided it would be best to be consistent across the board.

So our guest list only extends to aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents, siblings, nieces and nephews.

I would make sure to pass the word around that you're going to be having a smaller wedding and leave it at that. I feel like if you don't at least mention that it's going to be a smaller wedding, people will assume that everyone is invited.

Sadly you cannot please everyone. My biggest advice is stick to your guns and mean it! I had a break down the other day and made a post on FB making it crystal clear that we cannot invite every single family member, friend or acquaintances, its not that we do not want you at our wedding we simply cannot afford to host everyone.

Good luck!

Agree with Olivia!! if someone gets offended its their fault for assuming they were invited just ignore it.

Yeah, get used to being offended. My mom is offended that my brother isn't a groomsman. My FMIL is offended her table is next to the kitchen, my grandmother is offended that she has to be pushed down the aisle (she can't walk that far and refuses a walker). You are just going to offend people with a wedding. I honestly never knew people could get so offended over meaningless stuff. It's why people on this site talk about growing bridal balls. Haha. Grow them early and make sure they are big and strong

This process has made me thicken my skin. Ya just CANNOT MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPY!! There will always be at least one person who's unhappy if you have no children, 1 person unhappy with what day, another person unhappy with who is and isn't a bridesmaid...etc etc so on and so forth. I am somebody that always wants to have perfect relationships with everybody and wants everybody to be happy with me and I have legit had to say FUCK IT ALL!!! We are inviting who we want, chose our bridal party, are providing an open bar and good food, so anybody with their panties in bunch can suck it up and keep it to themselves. As PPs have said...just don't discuss the wedding with those who aren't invited. Other than that, be prepared for people to possibly be critical of various things and let it roll of your shoulders.

ETA: Just read @Rustys comment

LOL no kidding.

-FSIL was offended about hair and makeup after committing to it because I didn't invite FMIL and wanted to bail

-Little sister was jealous at my bachelorette party of how close I got with my other FSIL

-Another friend planned a last minute wedding and was pissed I didn't change my bachelorette party weekend so she could have her wedding then?!

-Best man bailed on us because he was mad at FH and their other friend because he slipped and fell on his ass and herniated a disc that was a previous injury at the bachelor party while they were hiking and is now blaming it on them and won't respond to anybody's calls or texts

-Another groomsmen very early on decided he didn't like me because FH didn't return his calls enough and somehow it was my fault lmao

I mean...Cmon people!!!

I was super upset and heartbroken for a while but now I do not care. Ain't nobody going to ruin the fact I get to marry my best friend in 8 weeks.

TL/DR: You're always going to offend somebody. Just properly host who you choose to invite and let the rest go.