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Kelly
Savvy March 2023

How to ask bridesmaids to be one

Kelly, on September 4, 2022 at 10:16 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
So I'm shy/introverted whatever you wanna call it. And I have anxiety issues, especially social anxiety related things. So asking them to be a bridesmaid is giving me anxiety. I'm afraid they will say no or not be excited. It's only 2 of them and they are family, so I shouldnt be panicking about this, but I am. How did you ask? And if you had anxiety about it, how did you get over that? I don't really have friends so I don't have any backup options and I think that's what makes me a little anxious and slightly sad too.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Lady, on September 6, 2022 at 1:37 PM
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    It doesn't even have to be a big thing. I know that instagram would say otherwise, but just call them or ask next time you see them. That's all you need to do.

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  • Nichole
    Expert September 2022
    Nichole ·
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    I called, texted, or just told them in person depending on the person. No big will you be a bridesmaid gift or anything. That is a newer trend. Ive been a bridesmaid 7 times for friends and family and it was always just being asked by phone or in person.
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  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
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    I agree with PPs - it doesn't have to be a big to-do. I called my ladies and asked them (and I think they were probably expecting it) and I've always been called and asked when I've been a bridesmaid.

    They may have to say no - being a bridesmaid is *expensive* (in many cases) or they may have mitigating circumstances in their lives - but that doesn't mean they don't love you, it doesn't mean they aren't excited. It just means they can't stand up with you, and that's okay.

    I was in your boat, in that I'm an introvert, so I don't have many friends, and I had to come to the realization that if the ladies I asked said no, I might not have a bridal party - and that that's okay too.

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with both the other comments! Something low-key, like calling them up and asking over the phone or asking in person the next time you see them ("We're starting to put together plans for our wedding, and I would love for you to be in our wedding party and stand at the altar with us! Will you be my bridesmaid?). The way I asked my bridesmaids was with customized puzzles that I mailed to each person. Each of my bridesmaids live in a different state all across the country, so I couldn't easily ask them in person. The puzzles were inexpensive and nothing major, yet cute and fun for them to put together. Sending them something in the mail (a card, a puzzle, or small token) would also be a good way to go about it! I would avoid giving big proposal boxes with lots of bridesmaid themed items as the way of asking (unless you plan on giving it to them after they say yes), since that can sometimes put pressure on people to say yes.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    My friend asked via text and told me she was covering my dress


    I don't understand the proposal boxes and big productions that seem to be trending nowadays
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  • Kelly
    Savvy March 2023
    Kelly ·
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    Yeah I'm not really into the big proposal boxes either. Like they will get a bridesmaid gift/gifts at some point lol just not necessary when asking in my opinion
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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    What I did was just asked them but for me I didn't use a gift or nothing. I just asked them if they would be apart of our big. They all agreed to bridesmaids and Maid of honors and everyone is family. So dont put too much pressure on yourself and just asked or if you want to present them with a gift that is fine too. So just treat it like a regular day and have conservation and ask them. I hope that I helped you and Congratulations to you both happy planning
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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    Is your social anxiety more of a one-on-one issue as opposed to groups? I ask because if you are having problems figuring out how to ask two bridesmaids, will you be all right having a ceremony, and saying vows/exchanging rings up in front of a group of people? It might be a good thing to think about now, before all the planning and sending invitations and whatnot. If you think it's going to be difficult or impossible for you, you might want to consider eloping.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I just called or texted like we normally communicate and didn't do any kind of "proposal" or group thing.

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