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Sarah
Just Said Yes September 2020

How should i determine who gets invited to our elopement?

Sarah, on August 4, 2020 at 5:37 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 13

Hi everyone! I've got a dilemma and would love some opinions.

My fiance and I were supposed to get married in September but due to the pandemic, we've pushed the celebrations out to next year.

Instead, we planned to have a private ceremony with just immediate family. We started putting all the things into motion - small venue, catering, etc. However, last week, my parents (who are in their 60's) started expressing more and more concerns about travelling to our wedding and we decided it was not the safest idea for them to come, along with my sister who would be coming from California. Since the group size would go down and none of my family would be there, we decided we just wanted to elope and only invite my fiance's parents and virtually stream for everyone else.

NOW, my sister has told me she can't miss this and wants to come. Of course I am ecstatic because she is my best friend and I couldn't imagine not getting married without her there.

However, my fiance has 2 brothers who we already told that we were just going to elope with his parents in attendance. I honestly don't want the group size to go back up now, but I feel bad not inviting his brothers.

Any thoughts on what to do? Should we just keep the audience to my sister and my fiance's parents and explain that we want to keep it small and safe?

Ugh, so many wrenches in the plans this year! My heart goes out to all the brides!

13 Comments

Latest activity by Angel, on August 5, 2020 at 2:48 PM
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Siblings are immediate family so his brothers should have already been invited to the wedding. Since it sounds like they weren't, I would definitely extend an invite to his brothers.

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  • Sarah
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Sarah ·
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    Thanks Veronica. That was the original plan and all immediate family was all invited. But then we decided to just elope after my parents and sister decided not come, and just invite his fiance's parents to keep it "fair" since I would have no family in attendance.

    Now, my sister is coming, after we told the brothers the new plan before we knew she was going to come. My parents are not coming due to their concern over traveling.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    That's definitely a valid concern especially given their ages. I would still extend an invite to his brothers since your sister will be attending.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    How does your fiance feel about his brothers attending? Can he "not imagine getting married without them there?" If they are close, I'd include them. If they aren't very close and/or they aren't the kind of people who this matters to, then I think you can leave them out.

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Well elopements can be up to about 10 people I believe so I would say have as many people your venue will allow. Smiley smile I think 10 and under is fine if your state and venue allow and then it is still small. Heck, a small wedding is 100 and under lol.

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  • VIP August 2020
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    If your fiancé feels the same way (best friends, can't imagine them not being there) about his brothers as you do about your sister, it's probably best to invite them. If he doesn't (they might still be close, but they have other best friends), you don't need to. His parents will be there as a representation of his family. Your sister can be there to represent yours.

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I think you should invite your sister to come so at least you have one family member there. You could also invite his brothers it would only be 3 more people. But if you didn't want to then you could always tell them that your fiance has his parents there and you would have nobody, so since your sister wants to attend you are going to allow her to be there.
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    Decide who you can't imagine spending the day without them in attendance. Whether that's a best friend or a relative.
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  • Ingrid
    VIP October 2020
    Ingrid ·
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    My thoughts are to invite only those that you have relationships with not titles like cousin, coworkers, aunts, uncles, old classic, etc. Those truly happy for you and have been an integral part of your growth and development.
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  • Chelsea G
    Devoted June 2021
    Chelsea G ·
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    I say you should invite immediate family - parents, siblings and then who you two can't imagine celebrating without if space allows.

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  • Morgan
    Beginner September 2020
    Morgan ·
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    Definitely let his brothers know that there has been a change of plans since last you updated them. The worst possible outcome is them finding out after the fact that your sister was there when they were under the impression no siblings would be invited. As for whether you do invite them or not--how does your fiance feel about it? Would his brothers be traveling a considerable distance to attend? Does he think they would come, if invited? There's no right answer, but I can easily see how there might be hard feelings if your sister attends and they don't get an invite.

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  • Alaister
    February 2020
    Alaister ·
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    Close family and friends should be invited and more precisely the one whom you share secrets and you always feel positive when they are around. one thing I would like to mention is that people whom you trust is as simple as thatSmiley shame

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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    Your parents won't even be there. I think it's totally fine that his parents are there, brothers aren't and you have your sister. This is exactly why we're "eloping" with no family. Some of my FH's family is 6+ hours away, while his mom and brother are out of state. All of my family are local. It sucks not having my family there since they're able and close, but I wouldn't have them there, when it's so much harder on my fiancé's family to make it. Plus, his mom and my grandpa are older, and we don't want anyone to be at risk. So it just made more sense for us to do it alone and celebrate with everyone else once it's safe.

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