How should FH tell his best man never mind?

Help me help him is what I was trying to say LOL!!

Maybe tell him you guys decided to keep it family only?

That's a good one Lizzie, but I'm sure he'll see photos online, and know it's not just family.

Yeah I thought of that after i posted but its a hard thing to cut ppl from your wedding who know your getting married Im having to do it my self granted not anyone i asked to be in my bridal party

You havent heard from him in 2 weeks? he probably doesnt even know hes going to be in the wedding. yeah i think you can drop him just based on lack of communication

FH talks to him from time to time. He lives 4 hours away where they grew up and honestly I don't know why he asked him. Originally it was suppose to be his brother, but His brothers wife will be weeks away from having her baby so they decided they shouldn't be traveling. The guy he asked was there while him and his brother were discussing it and my FH apperently asked him if he wanted to do it instead without running it by me first of course and now here we are in this situation.

Wow, yeah this is a toughy. I can understand things changing but I really dont know how to tell someone this... Maybe by telling him that you had to cut the bridal party there for are moving someone else up? That its just going to work better for you guys. Id hate to lie to him but wouldnt want to hurt him either...

Keep us posted! Hope it works out for you!

So this may sound a bit.. tart or rude.. but isn't the wedding a day supposed to be spent with those that we want around? And hope that the people we celebrate with are the ones that also are going to be around for years to come? If this is someone he no longer wants to be apart of the wedding then yes its rude... but it is a special day for the two of you. it may not be the "proper" thing to do. but if its what you want... do you really want to look back on your day and think... WOW i really should have changed my wedding party around.

I think your FH should just talk to him about it. Explain to him his duties of being the Best Man, and if he's still up to the task. Lack of communication is no bueno, but if you haven't talked to him, he could have something going on that you aren't aware of.

Have FH CALL him, not e-mail and try to get a real response asap. That way, FH can give him a way out if he's looking for one. Or maybe they can work on their friendship a little bit more and he'll want to be involved. So you aren't just kicking him to the curb.

So...he's going from the best man to not even invited? Wow...that's pretty harsh, especially if he did not do anything wrong. Phones work both ways and if he really needs to talk to him I would think FH can call him. I would carefully consider this move, because it will probably mean losing this friendship. You say they barely talk, and then you say they were just hanging out...I think you should let FH choose his side of the wedding party, and just talk this over carefully. It sounds like this guy is more important than you think, if he was second in line to be his BM.

@Stacy, That is pretty much right on. He posted pics on facebook just yesterday of his cousins wedding so I doubt anything serious is going on with him. For me I just want FH to be happy and If he has a lame Best Man that hasn't returned phone calls or e-mails, that is not okay with me. My MOH wants to throw me a huge bachlorette party and I don't feel right knowing that nothing is being planned for him. We are only having 4 people in our wedding party. I don't know if it WOULD hurt the guys feeling???

@ Analy, FH visited his mom 4 months ago, where his brother who was suppose to be his best man lives. His brother and"friend" who they both went to school with just happend to be over at his brothers house when they had that conversation about him and his wife not being able to make it. They spoke 3 times since that and supposedly when FH has been over at his brothers the "friend" has been there. So I'm not sure what kind of realationship you would call that?

The BM does not have to be the one that plans the bachelor party. One of the other GM could step up and do it. My FH talks without thinking as well but he sure as heck will stand by his words. If the current BM is not going to cause any problems, other then not being a very active participant, then I think that you should stick with it and have a diff. groomsmen step up to do the party.

@ ALL MINE- sounds like a normal friendship to me! Hell, that's more than I get to talk to some of my very closest friends! Let FH decide, imo.

I'm kinda in the same boat, only the change in my budget has forced me to rethink the number of people in my bridal party. If your taking him completely out then just say finacially, you had to cut back on number of groomsmen (and you obviously can cut out the brother or family...who ever else is already in the party.) I guess my case is different cause the person I have to cut is just a bridesmaid/groomsmen. (they're obviously still invited though. =P

I think FH may just have to suck this one up. When I did our guest list a few months back FH gave me the names of the people he wanted at our wedding. Mabey he forgot or I don't know, but this person was not on his guest list. I had heard him talk about the guy before, but I've never met him. Seating is limited and I'm aware that people are going to be hurt that they aren't invited, but I do only want closest friends and family.

I think that you need to back off and let FH make this decision... is he telling you who to make your bridesmaids? Yeah budgets and limited seating is an issue but there will be at least one person who does not show up that is immediate family/friends. My suggestion would be have FH get together with him/other grooms men and talk about responsibilities... maybe this guy just doesnt know that FH wants a bachelor party.

@ Sara, yes I do just need to let FH figure it out. His big mouth got himself into this situation! FH has told me he doesn't really want this guy to be is BM and I've already told this guy the 1 time I talked to himthat he needed to plan something for him because mi MOH was planning something for me. FH just doesn't know HOW or WHAT to tell the guy. So I told him ya know what let me see what the ladies on WW think mabey they can give ya some good advice!

Honestly the only way I could see it being ok is if FHs brother decided that he suddenly could be his best man. Also my FH is best man in a wedding in a little over a month and hasnt started planning the bachelor party... he is going to have one but guys arent as big on plans as girls so maybe hes planning on doing it and just isnt keeping you/fh informed. Honestly though there is no good way to tell someone that not only are they not best man, there not a grooms men or even invited so FH really needs to look at this relationship and decide if its one that he wants to keep because this could ruin it! Good luck with the entire situation...

K if he hasn't taken any part in the wedding planning that bm's should then i would say to him that you feel like bm position would be better for someone closer to take on cuz u don't wanna inconvenience him. it's ur wedding and im sure that alot of people are gonna say that's rude of u but u need someone reliable... i had to do the same luckily they stepped down b4 i had to tell them.