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Beginner December 2017

How often do you see your bridesmaids?

Stephanie, on July 11, 2017 at 6:32 PM Posted in Planning 0 45
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I have seen mine maybe 3 times since January. I know people are busy and most of them are moms, but I think it's weird that they are supposed to stand at the altar and represent sisterhood, yet I can count on one hand how many times I've seen them in 7months. Especially after losing my dad in March and being completely heart broken. Just wondering if maybe I'm asking too much...

45 Comments

Latest activity by Ella, on July 12, 2017 at 9:59 AM
  • WW User
    VIP October 2017
    WW User ·
    • Flag

    It totally depends... as an adult I see my friends way less. I see my sister like once every 2 months, I see some friends once every 6 weeks, and I have others I see maybe every 6 months.

    Don't let it mean more than it actually does. Everyone's busy and has different life circumstances -- for example, two of my friends I see the least are single. That's because we don't do double date / couple-y stuff with them, so we see our hitched friends a little more.

    Are you attempting to make plans and getting turned down/blown off?

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  • M
    VIP November 2017
    M ·
    • Flag

    Totally depends on your girls and their schedules but I see my best friend and MOH all the time, pretty much every weekend. We don't talk about the wedding every time we hang out which I think is important. Have you tried to reach out to them and just have a girls day/night or just call and talk to catch up?

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  • Del
    Master November 2017
    Del ·
    • Flag

    My best friend lives in another country. We see each other once every couple of years. It's adult life.

    Is it possible you're lonely without your father (really sorry for your loss - that must be awful) and more aware because of that of people you miss?

    Try reaching out as a friend to another friend, without bringing the wedding into it. Just that you're going through a rough patch and could you some support should matter. Even if people don't have time to meet up, a couple of hours of Skype with my BFF always cheers me up!

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  • IItsumo
    Devoted October 2017
    IItsumo ·
    • Flag

    I only have my MOH and one bridesmaid but I haven't seen either one of them since April when they came for my birthday and before then it was October for my Daughters 1st birthday. However we are always snap chatting and texting. We talk about everything so Its not odd at all. I'm the only mom of the three of us and they don't care that I'm a mom they love having my daughter and my Future Step kids come along with us when we go out for ice cream and stuff. Though we haven't had time for that with their work schedules and everything I have with the kids. However I know if I needed them they would be here with in the hour if they could.

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  • AdiósCollins
    Expert September 2017
    AdiósCollins ·
    • Flag

    I for sure assumed I would be seeing my BM's more often, but their lives don't change just bc they are in my wedding. I see my two MOH's at least once a week. That's for sure an exception tho. Two BM's haven't seen in a few months. One has a toddler and is pregnant with twins, so she's busy. The other was off in college so I just met up with her for the first time since August. One I haven't seen or talked to in a month or two, to be honest we probably won't be friends after the wedding, but thats just life sometimes.

    Also, I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

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  • Sos0033
    VIP September 2017
    Sos0033 ·
    • Flag

    One I haven't seen in over a year because she lives across the country, FH's sisters I see probably once a week, others I see maybe a few times a year. We're all busy and understand that this is what having friends as an adult can be like. We do text every day or at least a couple times a week. I don't think it would hurt to reach out to your friends if you're wanting to see them more, though.

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  • Red2018
    VIP August 2018
    Red2018 ·
    • Flag

    I haven't seen one since before Christmas, two I saw last night, one Saturday and the other about 2 weeks ago. We all live different lives, it is okay

    ETA: I am so sorry about your dad - you are in my thoughts

    • Reply
  • MS. MACMEN
    VIP March 2018
    MS. MACMEN ·
    • Flag

    I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I actually don't have any bridesmaids that live close to me. The closest one is 4 hours away. When it comes to my bridesmaids, I wanted the ladies that gave me that vibe that no time had passed since we last saw each other. One BM I see maybe once every other year, but when we see each other we just fall back in line with each other.

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  • Beachy
    VIP November 2017
    Beachy ·
    • Flag

    I dont see them as often as I want to but I talk to them almost every day.

    I see my MoH every day because shes my 12 year old.

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  • stephanie
    Super October 2017
    stephanie ·
    • Flag

    I asked my MOH to be MOH precisely because I see her most days (we work together). My other friends are scattered across the country and I don't see any of them more than once or twice a year. I knew being involved in wedding stuff would be harder for them.

    I would have higher expectations if we lived in the same city, but even MOH lives ~30 min from me and will be over an hour when I move in a couple of weeks.... so we hardly hang out outside of work lately.

    I've found that friendships as an adult are primarily the besties I never see and the acquaintances I hang out w due more to proximity. Finding "new friends" as an adult without kids has been more challenging than I ever would have expected. This probably isn't very helpful, but I understand your frustration!

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  • chelle
    Devoted August 2017
    chelle ·
    • Flag

    I haven't seen one of mine since last September. She works a lot and lives two hours away. We never visit her city and she hardly ever comes back to see family. We try to talk when we can but she's one of those people I don't need to see all the time to know I'm still good friends with. Everyone else I see pretty regularly

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  • Must Love Cats
    Master October 2017
    Must Love Cats ·
    • Flag

    Eh depends on schedules. I work, cover co-workers shifts and go to grad school year round. I have so much on my plate but I try to get together with them as much as we all can depending on availability. And yes that includes a few times a year right now but we still talk through text or even facebook. The key is communication.

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  • s
    Expert July 2017
    s ·
    • Flag

    I haven't seen some of mine for years.

    • Reply
  • SuYa
    Master April 2017
    SuYa ·
    • Flag

    I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Not sure if this will help because every person is different. 2 of my 5 have a child. My sister lives in London. I see her twice a year if I'm lucky. I've seen her twice this year already, my wedding and her graduation celebration for her doctorates (we have a Veterinarian in our family now!) . My MOH I see weekly but we live 5 minutes away from each other and we also play pool on the same team. She has a son that she has sole custody over. Another BM, that I have known since K-12 then we reconnected in college, we have been hanging out like every other week. She is also the one that signed as a witness on our license. We have grown closer since the wedding. Before the wedding we probably hung out once a month, but she only lives 15 minutes away. Another BM of mine has been having a rough time in her life, is kinda blinded by it and won't except help or advice, so she has distanced herself. I have seen her a few times but it has been me initiating. I love her but she needs to take care of hers. She is a single mother, no job, no school and likes to party. I can only hope she figures out her priorities for her daughters sake. My last BM lives about an hour away. We see each other about 3-4 times a year. She was diagnosed with cancer the same year we got engaged, so she was unreachable for a while and or needed her time to heal, rest and deal with her situation. I didn't want her to feel different, so I continued to check in on her and invite her to everything. Early on she had to do last minute cancellation for things because she wasn't feeling up to it the closer it got. I never questioned and always understood. This is one where we just pick up where we left off. I hope this helps.

    Good Luck!

    • Reply
  • Alana
    VIP March 2018
    Alana ·
    • Flag

    We all attend the same church so I see them every week maybe twice a week but we haven't talked wedding in a couple months

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  • AdventuresofRuth
    VIP October 2017
    AdventuresofRuth ·
    • Flag

    I haven't seen one of mine in over a year and the other in a few months as we all live in different cities. Have you asked them to spend time with you?

    • Reply
  • EM
    Master April 2017
    EM ·
    • Flag

    I saw mine a few times a month but we all have a group text thread that's a few years old so we keep up with each other that way too.

    It's important to schedule non-wedding talks with them or seeing them if you can!

    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner December 2017
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag

    Thank you ladies!! Yes, it depends on the person. One lives five minutes from me and doesn't have kids. One wanted to take me out to lunch and never did yet goes to Disneyland every week. Another is super super busy yet makes the time to call me. My MOH makes time and i see her most by default as she's married to my fianceés brother but she still managed to make time for me with two kids and working full time. I guess I'm just really hurt and my friendships are really important to me so when I needed them the most, they weren't there and it's just eating me up. I don't know how to address how much I feel let down and hurt by their lack of effort when I've been through absolute hell this year. All I want is a phone call, or a coffee date, or lunch. Just a few minutes of their time. For as much time as we all spend on social media, that time could be spent with someone ya know. Anyways. Thank you for your responses !!

    • Reply
  • Casey
    Dedicated October 2018
    Casey ·
    • Flag

    2 of mine i see once a week because we do workouts and happy hour, but the other two... maybe once a month?

    • Reply
  • Annette
    Super July 2017
    Annette ·
    • Flag

    A few of my bridesmaids I haven't seen in years as they live in my hometown. I can't wait to catch up with them!

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