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Expert March 2020

How much to involve bridesmaids in planning?

Tiffany, on September 28, 2019 at 11:30 PM Posted in Planning 0 15

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Sooo I've been engaged almost 2 months, and the wedding is in about 6 months. I've been trucking along with planning (venue, flowers, catering, save the dates, dress, musicians, photographer, bridal party asked, shoes all done). I have 5 bridesmaids. 2 are my younger sisters, ones here at home with me and the other is in a different state at college. Two other brides maids are also in different states at college. The last bridesmaid is in graduate school and about 1 or 2 hours away.

Yeah. So clearly we won't have any/much opportunity for us all to be together until like the day before the wedding. Also the 3 that aren't my sisters don't really know each other.

I'm struggling with wanting to do everything myself (im crafty and i love it) and making sure they dont feel left out or like they miss out on the bridesmaid experience. I also don't want to be demanding and push things on them, they have school and their own lives!

One of them told me today to not be afraid to ask her for help, she's the one who lives an hour away.

It hadn't really occurred to me before today that maybe I need to try harder to involve them all? I try to text them frequently (and all seperately) whether it's updates on the wedding or asking how school/life is going. What else can I do? Any ideas? Just keep asking for their opinions?

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Amanda, on September 30, 2019 at 6:43 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on September 28, 2019 at 11:38 PM
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When I was planning, the only real thing I did was ask them for opinions on things.
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Savvy October 2019
Lindsay · on September 29, 2019 at 1:22 AM
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I might start a group text and ask opinions on things and talk planning the timeline and things like that
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Expert September 2020
Emily · on September 29, 2019 at 7:38 AM
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Yes I have a similar situation - my MOH doesn't live in this country! I just started a group Whatsapp text for the 3 of them to maybe talk, and use it for wedding updates only really. Pix of shoes or my dress so they can say nice things lol

If you don't need anything, you don't. Things that she could help with might be some of your DIY or an invitation stuffing party? I'm asking the ladies to preview the wedding website basically as editors haha.

Just enjoy being low maintenance, and read all the "I hate my bridal party" posts and be thankful that's not your life.
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Super October 2019
Devin · on September 29, 2019 at 7:42 AM
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I haven’t needed my bridesmaids help with anything either. All but 3 live out of state.
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Dedicated September 2019
Alyssa · on September 29, 2019 at 8:13 AM
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I did all the planning and parents helped. My bridesmaids weren't really apart of the planning. Besides picking out dresses and I asked them for opinions about things.
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Devoted October 2019
Krissyl · on September 29, 2019 at 9:48 AM
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I really havent involved my bridesmaids in anything. I'll occasionally text them updates and my best friend and sister (MOH) went dress shopping with me. We planned a day to go bridesmaids dress shopping and lunch. I also organized a game night for the wedding party so the groomsmen and bridesmaids could meet before the day of the wedding.

My mom has really been the one to help me with everything from the website, DIY (she has a cricut!), and planning details. My best friend has also been there for me to talk to about things. We're both getting married this year so planking at the same time let us bounce ideas off each other too.

Like you said they all have their own lives so it's awesome if they offer to help or ask how things are going but sounds like you have it under control! Reach out if you really need some help otherwise keep doing what you're doing
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Expert March 2020
Tiffany · on September 29, 2019 at 9:51 AM
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Thank you ❤ that helps a lot. That's the fun thing about doing something for the first time (like planning a wedding) you just get to keep wondering if you're doing it "right".
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Expert March 2020
Tiffany · on September 29, 2019 at 9:54 AM
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Thanks for your advice. That helps to put my mind at ease. I love my girls and I know they love me, I just wanted to make sure they were enjoying it too. That's a good idea about having them look at the wedding website! I haven't shown mine to many people yet.
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Expert March 2020
Tiffany · on September 29, 2019 at 9:55 AM
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That's a good idea. I've been hesitant about a group chat just because most of these girls have never met. I don't wanna hold anyone hostage in an awkward group chat. That's why I've just been texting them separately, but I see the advantages of it.
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Dedicated July 2020
N · on September 29, 2019 at 10:21 AM
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So glad that I’m not alone here! I’ve been feeling some major guilt lately as I haven’t really had anything to task to my BMs! All of mine are out of state and I try to text often to just say hello and chat. They always ask if anything can do to help but really haven’t had anything!
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Super October 2021
Suzie · on September 29, 2019 at 8:19 PM
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I made a group chat in FB messenger for my bridal party. Two of my BMs live in different states, and one of them no one knows but me. I message them all for advice, and they send fun things now and then. Seems to be fine. My out of state friends have said to let them know if they can help with anything from afar, so if your friend offered, take her up on it! I’m mostly planning alone, I am a big planner, so I like doing it on my own. My sister is my MOH and will be coming with us for our flower and cakes consults, but other than that, I haven’t involved her much yet. I would just keep communicating and take up help when offered! And connecting everyone via text now, could help break the ice later!
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on September 30, 2019 at 12:19 PM
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My bridesmaids were only involved in planning the bach and buying their dresses, nothing else.
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Savvy December 2019
Cadence · on September 30, 2019 at 6:18 PM
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Unlike you, I'M the one who lives out of state My bridesmaids are all in the state where my wedding will be held but they all live within an hour of each other and don't know each other. However, I quickly made a wedding group chat between us and that has helped them get to know each other! I asked them opinions on their dresses and colors. They all tried on dresses themselves and would send us photos. I've asked them questions when I needed help but also in regards to a bachelorette party/wedding day festivities. We are a fun group of people and it has been very enjoyable to have the three women from my different walks of life (my 2nd grade teacher, a friend from college, and the girlfriend of my future brother in law) get to know each other.

You may be nervous about them all meeting but they have one thing in common.. YOU! They will ALL be excited because of their love for you and it's your day! Ask their opinions if you want, or don't. It's up to you! But I think it would be fun to create a group chat where they can get to know each other better
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Expert February 2020
Sara · on September 30, 2019 at 6:36 PM
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My bridesmaids aren't involved in much. I asked if they wanted to wear black dresses they have or choose something in dark green from Azazie. The majority felt better having choices within the online showroom. I offered to pay since they weren't wearing something they already had as originally planned. I also sent photos of my shoe journey and my bouquet to one of them..but that's about it. I don't like asking for help or accepting it and figured they all have enough going on in their own lives. I never even thought of them feeling left out. I was feeling guilty about not asking my mom for help but now I feel bad about them too!
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Master December 2020
Amanda · on September 30, 2019 at 6:43 PM
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I would just involve them as much as you and they are comfortable with. Most people say they have no responsiblities but I think its up them how much they wanna help. I have only asked for opinions on major things from my girls like I would on anything and then my MOH and I meet up to catch up on wedding and life every few months when we can but we don't make it anything big at least until closer time like you being 6 mo's out!
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