How much is too much for Bachelorette?

View Quoted Comment I think what's happening is that you're generalizing your friends together, and everyone here actually. You've asked for advice about spending the equivalent of rent or 2 car payments in a forum of economically diverse people. That's more than a 2-week paycheck for some and means giving up half the months bills. As many commenters have said, this is very subjective and you just have to know your friends. You say they go on vacay 4x a year and spend $100 on dinner, so you know for a fact that every single one spends freely like this? Or do a couple of them have this lifestyle and you're generalizing it? San Francisco is a very expensive city to live in, so even a $150k salary does not go far. I think we're all just saying that you shouldn't assume they all can spend alot of money and maybe you should do a poll and ask what they want to do. The fact that you are paying for them to be in your wedding is irrelevant. That's your thank you for them devoting their time and effort for you. Don't hold that against them.
Also, have you talked to you MOH about it? Maybe they have an issue with you trying to take over the planning. Either way, if you're getting a vibe from them that they don't want to do it, ask them what else they'd be comfortable doing.

No, I don’t even have bridesmaids and plan to have a get-together with my friends. I’m going to plan it out myself too. It’s not a big deal to do it yourself. If you want something done a certain way, then you’ll be much happier than having someone else do it for you. One of my friends had bridesmaids, she had one of them plan out the bachelorette party and she hated it. I wasn’t a bridesmaid and just did a nice at home thing for/with her and she loved it. Keep it simple, you still have your big wedding to plan. The most important thing is just having a great time with your girl friends.

I don't really agree with some of the opinions around people saying that it's too much to expect people to travel to you for your bach party. Maybe I'm biased being of a similar income bracket to what you're describing and seeing EVERYONE around me doing a wedding and bachelorette party that involves travel for some portion of the group. We don't live in a time where our friends are all from the same town anymore... people move around for school and their careers and you just naturally end up having friends scattered all over the place. Do I think this means we should just expect that it's too much to ask of your friends to come celebrate with you for both? No, absolutely not. ESPECIALLY when those friends live a lifestyle where travel is a frequent occurrence. Sure, not everyone will be able to attend and I think a lot of how you might feel has to do with the way your friends react when you ask them if they're interested in joining - I had some friends who I knew it'd be difficult for them to come (limited time off or budgets), and I am so grateful for the girls who responded by saying they're tentative and that I shouldn't let any of that skew planning my preferred bachelorette party. It's when your friends complain about it/begrudgingly go along and attempt to influence every step of the planning to fit in their expectation that the experience goes sour. I do agree that a lot of whether people join or not based on that cost is dependent on your group of friends - maybe a lot of people responding just have a very different budget/income bracket.

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$100 may seem insignificant to you but to other people, that may be weeks worth of savings, and I think it may be useful noting, today your friends might be comfortable dropping $100 on dinner, but circumstances change, and you can't just expect people to be ready to spend money because you've seen them do it before - it's pretentious and entitled.

Most brides do pay for their bridesmaids' hair and makeup, and yes it is generous of you to cover the cost of their accommodation for your wedding, but that doesn't mean they're indebted to you to spend money on your bachelorette in return, let alone on a $1,000 trip.

Obviously you are upset as to how things have panned out with your bachelorette but the advice you've received was to help put into perspective what was being asked of the others to rationalise why things have gone the way they have.

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Thank you so much for this, I was starting to think I was losing my mind or I should pay for the entire thing myself, including their portions to not make them feel bad. All of my bridesmaids live in different states so if I want to have a bachelorette, it would be a destination. I already know of one not being able to attend for legitimate reason and I'm not mad at all by that. Every bachelorette party I have had to go to, it's been a destination one. I talked to them and told them the answers i got on here and said i could cover for some of them in needed, thankfully I have been so blessed with amazing friends because they were all like "oh my god please have it in Napa, who wouldn't want to go there? this is also not just for you, its a vacation for us and we get to spend time with you and celebrate you". They were offended I asked to pay for some of them haha

View Quoted Comment I actually I had not asked before I posted this so there’s nos issues with my bridesmaids. I just posted on here to make sure I wasn’t being inconsiderate. Thankfully things turned out for the best when I finally did ask and their response was “hmm I thought you were planning Costa Rica” which I didn’t suggest because I was thinking about additional expenses for them. It just made me realize I wasn’t crazy for suggesting Napa. Thank you for your input though

I make a lot of money considering my profession but I have a LOT of debt. I would ask them bridesmaids what they are willing to spend and then make your weekend fit with the lowest option.
I will also say I’m more likely to throw money at the bachelorette party if I feel like the bride isn’t making me spend ridiculous money elsewhere and if I feel like I have time to get myself together.

$1000 is a lot for a trip that's surrounded around a certain person. I mean id gladly go if I was going to be able to do what I want when I want and it is a vacation for me. your bridesmaid will be catering to your needs meaning following your schedule and that's not a vacation to some. so I would offer maybe 2 options maybe one a little inexpensive and allow them to vote.

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Actually none of that is true. Having people in your wedding party is your chance to honour them. There are no responsibilities that come with accepting to be in someone's wedding, other than getting the dress and showing up on time. No-one owes you a party. Yes, a dinner out is fine if that's what people can afford.

I think it's you that might need to look at expectations. It might make you happier in the long run.

[Deleted comment] Go have fun with the friends that can make it.

I don’t think it’s fair to EXPECT people to want to go on a vacation for you. I wouldn’t spend $1000 for a bachelorette party. Regardless of their salaries, that’s not a decision for you to decide if that’s something they should be okay spending. Just cause they make good money doesn’t mean they have to spend that. And I don’t think becoming part of the wedding party means I have to spend thousands on you. I’m paying hair and makeup for mine too. Still wouldn’t ask that of people

View Quoted Comment Agree with this

View Quoted Comment I have been a bridesmaid several times and almost all of them were for $100 or less. Not a single one was a destination bachlorette party. As several people have said alot of the cost side is subjective to the people you are inviting. While its ok to be disappointed if some of the girls cant make it don't get upset by it, theres no way for you to know what other things they are financially responsible for.


As a bridemaid you are responsible for showing up for the rehearsal and the wedding.

Yes you need to inform them about this cost because if they are in your wedding. Did they have to pay for all of their whole attire for your wedding. Some may not feel that it's a problem but get there thought first. I dont even know about my details be MOFHS are putting on thi. But I did some input of my theme tho. Good luck with your bachelorette party planning I hope to allworkd for you

View Quoted Comment Wow. Just wow. Your bridesmaids don't owe you anything because you chose to pay for them to look good in your wedding and your wedding photos. Being a bridesmaid is not a tit for tat. The only responsibility is to show up in the right dress to support you. They wouldn't even be there if it weren't for you.


You're acting very entitled.

I recently helped a friend plan her destination bachelorette. Similar to your situation, everyone lives in different places so it would be a destination no matter where we went. She picked the location she wanted, and I sent out an anonymous google survey with 3 different budget range options. Everyone selected the range they were most comfortable with, and could state if any range was definitely beyond their means/comfort. No one had to feel singled out since it was anonymous, and I could use all that info to make sure we were finding lodging/food/activities that were ok for everyone.

It depends. I have friends who make that much who had no issue paying that to go to my las vegas bachelorette. It truly just depends on your bridesmaids. Present it as an option and see how they react.

Hey girl! I don’t think you are at all! ESP if you’re offering to pay for your own part, when technically you don’t have to! I’m actually in the same predicament as I’m wanting to do Sonoma and everyone would have to fly from out of town.
My sisters Bach party was in Napa a few years ago and I spent $1500 for barely 3 days there. It’s not ideal, but it’s super fun and worth it in the end! Hope this helps! Not sure what other people think, but I say do what YOU wanna do and if some girls can’t make it, they can’t make it and they’ll just miss out on a great time + great memories!

I believe it is up to your bridesmaids and what they are comfortable with spending. We’re going to Turks and Caicos. My girls spent $1000 for flights plus our villa and an extra $500 for excursions. Most of the girls treated it as one of their vacations for the year.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree!