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Savvy October 2019

How much did fh involve his side in the wedding?

Lauren , on October 1, 2019 at 10:18 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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We’re getting very close to the date and I’m having anxiety about FH’s family not being involved enough. When I say that I have tried to involve them... I have really tried. I asked FH if any of his little cousins would want to be flower girls or if his uncle would want to be an usher, or if there was anyone he would want to do a special reading, and he said no. In fact, he didn’t even invite very many of his cousins. I told him that he probably should, but he decided not to. In fact he decided to exclude a majority of his extended family from the wedding, being that he’s not super close to extended family. I’ve also tried to organize a special part of the ceremony to honor our grandparents, but he doesn’t seem too on board with that either. On the other hand, his mom is pretty heavily involved as she is taking care of flowers (she’s a florist) and alcohol. I understand and respect his decisions about not including/inviting much of his extended family because I know he only wants to surround himself with the people he is close to, but I worry about his family feeling excluded on our special day. I also worry, deep down, that this will reflect poorly on me and seem as if I purposely excluded them. Did anyone have this same problem?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Veronica, on October 11, 2019 at 3:38 PM

VIP May 2020
Destiny · on October 1, 2019 at 10:24 PM
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My fh is kinda in the same boat with the cosins thing we compromised on just giveing his uncle 3 extra invites for his daughteres(all over 18) as a compromise to at lease acknowledge that we tried he doesnt think theyll even come though
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on October 1, 2019 at 10:44 PM
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People will always find something to pick at, when they want to. Ultimately you know that you tried and that’s what matters.
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Expert October 2019
Megan · on October 1, 2019 at 10:46 PM
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My FHs family is very involved (but their family is very tight knit so I wasnt surprised). His mom is doing all of the decorating for the ceremony and reception since she does it for a living. His step-dad and dad have offered to be our go to men at the ceremony site while we get dressed at the reception site with the bridal party. His sisters are our ushers and planned my bachelorette party when my MOH couldnt, and his brother is a groomsman (hes done the least in this entire process but his life is very busy). Both of our families have really gone above and beyond and I love them all for it.

Our son is the only child in the wedding party, but our nephews are 3 and 1 and our niece will be 2 and our son is 1, so imagine trying to wrangle 4 toddlers... it was easier to leave it at one. 🤣
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Expert October 2019
Aleaj · on October 2, 2019 at 3:11 AM
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My FH grew up an army brat. So his family consisted of him, his mom & dad, & sister. He was very distant with extended family as well. Where as with my family, i talk to my parents, grandparents, aunts almost everyday! Lol if i were you i wouldn’t worry too much about it, as long as the most important ppl to him are there, such as his parents. His extended family will know it isn’t you, especially if he’s never been close to them.
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Super October 2020
Renee · on October 2, 2019 at 4:21 AM
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Have you tried to include them by reaching out to them or just by talking to your FH? They might feel like you "purposely" excluded them if you haven't said anything to them. Mentioning stuff to your fiancé isn't the same
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on October 2, 2019 at 7:25 AM
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Involved or invited?
Involved not at all. They asked questions when we got engaged/started planning. Most of them didn’t even RSVP, just assumed we knew they’d be there (or not).
He invited his moms side of the family and his dads parents (doesn’t socialize with his dads side of the family🤷‍♀️). Only his uncle and cousin (groomsman) came from out of state due to work conflicts.
You shouldn’t force his part of the guest list. If he doesn’t want to invite them don’t make him. I don’t think it will reflect badly on you. As far as keeping them involved, if you bring it up and they seem interested go ahead and keep updating them/inviting them to things. If they’re not interested and don’t bring it up then don’t talk about, but make sure they’re invited to things like your shower!
I know I was hurt my husbands family never brought up the wedding and didn’t seem excited. But they were so excited and happy for us to get married in that last week and day of. So if they seem uninterested try not to stress over it.
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on October 2, 2019 at 7:32 AM
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Yes, I definitely agree with Cassidy.
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Super October 2019
W-K · on October 2, 2019 at 3:38 PM
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FH aged out of the foster care system so he's not really close to any of his family. They haven't been involved at all and his one sister ignored our invite.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on October 11, 2019 at 3:38 PM
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My husband and I tried to include both families as much as possible, but my mom still felt like she wasn't as involved as she would have like to have been. So we decided to ask her to decorate the restaurant we had our rehearsal dinner at. She was so excited see asked for her help. Ultimately, it is your fiance's decision not to include them. If you are that concerned I would let your fiance handle talking to his family.
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