How much are your bridesmaids spending?

Planning a wedding and being in a wedding so close together is a definite budget buster. Frankly, I'd decline to attend the bachelorette. Out of town parties have gotten out of hand and you have other priorities for your money. Let the other BMs be witchy about it. If they aren't your friends, why care how they react?

Sorry hun...you should decline the offer my bridesmaid are only spending $120 everything else I'm taking care of. Decline the offer love that's way too much money an you have your own wedding to plan an $900 For me right now is alot of money...

$900 including flights and hotel rooms seems like a bargain. I really hate that it's like that, but it is.

My fh & i were both just in a wedding & together spent about 1300 on everything... if our wedding was the same month we would have declined everything else but the actual wedding & the bridal shower for me... luckily our wedding wae 7 months away so it gave us plenty of time to still be able to attend all of there wedding related events. But in your situation let the bridesmaid be catty dont put yourself in a bad situation over what someone might say about you.

If I had to fit 900 dollars in while wedding planning I'd be stressed.

Last time I was a bridesmaid, I only planned on paying for the paid for fight to the wedding, dress,and hair. I would be stressed with any additional flights/hotels, etc.

For my bridesmaids I know they will have to fly and book a hotel. I'm making that for big expenses plus a very cheap dress. If they want it can be 30 dollars from Macy's! I want them to be excited about being a bridesmaid and not stressed!

With accommodations, dress, shoes and most chose to do hair and makeup, mine will be spending around $700. We are getting the entire inn (which is our venue for everything as well) and the whole wedding party wanted to stay with us and make it a 4 day celebration so they're choosing that and all agreed that they would pay $400 each (all of them are families of 4) to stay for the 3 nights with kids and it includes food and everything for the entire stay. The only thing mandatory was the dress and they chose from a huge selection I just gave them the color and length requirements. I think my MOH spent $109 and everyone else got the same dress for $99. We are doing a kayaking/lazy river tubing day trip as a joint bachelor/bachelorette party so everyone that plans to go is just paying for gas, food and alcohol. No one is forced to do anything and I'd be pissed if my MOH was making anyone feel like they had no choice but to spend money they don't have. I'd be honest with them and tell them you can't afford it and let them be pissed if they're going to be.

Thanks for your replies guys. I'm glad to know my feelings are at least somewhat validated.

I guess it just sucks because I really do WANT to go to the bachelorette party, and the bridal shower, and all of the events, and I WANT to give them an amazing gift, and I WANT to be the best, most reliable bridesmaid! But the bachelorette party alone is going to cost me about $400. And it just sucks because I don't want to come off like I'm being flaky, or rude, or just "don't want to spend the money," AND 4 of the 6 bridesmaids are also planning their weddings for this summer, so I feel like they won't take my wedding financial situation as a good excuse.

Unfortunately the one wedding I was in I spend well around 900-1000 for her wedding and to me it just seems so incredibly selfish of the bride to ask anyone to spend that for her wedding, I’m not sure if it’s the norm but I am NOT asking mine to spend anywhere near that much I’m trying to keep costs way down for them.

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Its honestly crazy. I completely understand wanting to make this time really fun and exciting, its really the one time this happens! But I even feel like the other bridesmaids who are setting this all up should have asked me if I was okay with all of it. Idk its really upsetting because it makes me feel like I'm being a bad friend but I just can't do it all.

Maddie, you don't need to do it all. Do what is the most important, and what you are able to afford. It might seem difficult now, but a month after that wedding, you're going to be sorry if you spend money you really don't have. And just smile sweetly at the other bridesmaids and carry on. If they are catty, that is their issue. They're not going to be your best friends going forward anyway, right? Stay true to yourself.

View Quoted Comment What exactly did they plan for the bachelorette party that is costing so much? We are going to nashville for mine (we live in Michigan) it is going to be an expensive trip but i asked every single person before i booked the house & the few that couldnt go due to fiances i am just doing a tube float about a half hour from where we live because they still want to celebrate with me... so maybe just talk to your friend & say hey i really cant afford to go because my wedding is getting super expensive its bumming me out could i take you out to do something in town instead because i really want to celebrate this with you....

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Thank you so much. I really appreciate the advice, and you're right. At the end of the day, it might be a fun weekend but it won't be fun when I can't afford deposits for things I need for my own wedding or my life in general. And you're right, the wedding is honestly probably the last time I'll see the other bridesmaids, and I know my friend will be understanding.

As Nancy Regan used to say "Just say no". People are so scared to talk about money. "I'm sorry, I can't afford that." is all you need to say.

I think it is ridiculous for anyone to expect OOT BM's to attend showers or bachelorettes. Bachelorettes themselves are out of control. Everyone used to have a fun evening of eating and drinking, now OOT trips are commonplace.

Your BM's definitely should have consulted with everyone involved before they made plans for either the shower or bachelorette.

At this point, I would tell them that you can't afford to attend either and can contribute $___ towards the bride's expenses for the bachelorette. Send a lovely card to the shower.

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Basically my costs are round trip flight, hotel for the weekend, 2 dinners and 2 brunches (all 4 of which will be held at nice restaurants), splitting decoration costs, gifts, and small "events" (one of those paint ceramics shops, a distillery/tasting tour, and a spa event for manicures, facials, or massages).

If I didn't have to pay for a flight it would be a bit more doable, but I have to fly from across the country and its really hard to get cheap flights.

I know my friend will be understanding (I don't think she knows how much this is costing us) but I feel like I'm always the one friend who can't afford to do things and I just wish this one time I weren't that friend yet again.

I don't think you need to buy a gift when you're a bridesmaid. Your participation and your paying for things like the shower are the gift.

Edited to add, I would NOT spend $400 on a bachelorette. That seems insane.

You know, I love my friends, but I only picked a MOH and not a large bridal party because I can love my friends without asking them to spend $1000 ish on my wedding! It doesn't mean they aren't dear to me. I'm also not having a bridal shower and we are having a couples bachelorette of a wine tasting which will cost exactly one bottle of wine per person, of their choice

Unfortunately I’ve spent about $1500 being a BM. (Dress, alterations, shower, bachelorette, gifts, makeup) I do not want my BMs spending that much. All they need is a dress and they have free reign on that. I’m buying everything else.

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We're combining the bachelorette party with a lingere shower, so that's where the gift comes in Of course I can find something nice but on the more affordable side, yet still another expense.

And I completely agree with you. I don't want my bridesmaids to even THINK about spending more than like $200 (even that feels like too much!!) on me!

View Quoted Comment You just gotta be honest im sure she will be understanding... I'm sorry those girls are so mean & you feel like you can't be honest because they'll be rude but just be honest with your friend i am sure she'll understand... & like i said just offer to something with just you & her to celebrate something you can afford to do...

My bms are only responsible for the 120 for the dresses they chose. 3 of them wanted their hair done on the day of which is 65. Bryond that, I do not want them spending anything.

900 is a ridiculous amount to spend on someone else's wedding. If you can afford the dress, skip the rest (unless flight and room are for the actual wedding). My bridesmaids are only paying for their shoes, personally, and that's for comfort reasons, not monetary.