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Dedicated May 2019

How mad should i be?

Maura, on May 8, 2019 at 10:14 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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I get married in less than two weeks. Yay! It was a pain to wrangle all those last minute rsvp’ers, but I finally got my seating chart put together. I sent it out along with everyone’s meal choices to the venue yesterday, and printed up all the escort cards today... I stopped by my mom’s house after work, and she mentioned that her boyfriend can’t come to the wedding now. This is a guy she’s been with for years. He and I aren’t close, but we’ve always been cordial. Apparently, he forgot to ask someone to switch shifts with him, and now can’t find anyone to cover. He is a nurse with a tough schedule, so I would have understood if he had told me BEFORE my rsvp deadline. It’s not like he forgot when the wedding was because he lives with my mom, and the save the date has been on the fridge for months! My sister is a nurse too living half way across the country, but she’s still going to be there. My fiancé and I are paying for everything ourselves, and weddings sure aren’t cheap. The kicker is that my mom doesn’t seem to grasp how rude this is. She said something along the lines of “Well, I’m getting you a good wedding gift”. I feel like doing something petty like making her sit with my grandmother on my dad’s side, who she doesn’t get along with, but then I’d have to change the seating chart. Ugh.

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on May 9, 2019 at 10:05 PM

VIP September 2019
CDickman · on May 8, 2019 at 11:28 PM
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You are could get a few people who will not be able to come to the wedding last minute. I would be annoyed because he should have taken care of that weeks ago and it could have been helped. Unlike if someone can’t come cause they got the flue.
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on May 8, 2019 at 11:52 PM
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Sounds like he just doesn’t want to go. It’s unfortunate, but better than him showing up and sulking. I’m a nurse too, and there has never been a time where I couldn’t get someone to cover me for something important like a wedding. But maybe he works in a very small department and doesn’t have that flexibility. Either way, letting his absence or your mothers lackluster response to you upset you is just going to put a shadow on your day. There isn’t anything you can do about it now, so just look forward. Unfortunately there’s always a person or two who don’t show for some reason. Just enjoy your day and focus on the reason you’re getting married.
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VIP October 2020
Ingrid · on May 9, 2019 at 12:25 AM
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I wouldn't focus on him not being there, especially since you're not close. Its unfortunate but not worth the energy or stress. Your mom has to defend him, they live together...it is what it is sadly.
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Dedicated December 2021
Sandy · on May 9, 2019 at 8:38 AM
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It’s not like you being mad with change his mind. Yeah, would have been better before you finished everything, but I think it’s better you just let it go and focus on things that you still to finish and just enjoy the day.
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VIP May 2019
Mandy · on May 9, 2019 at 9:18 AM
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Yes, it sucks, but it is enough to ruin your day honestly? You aren't that close to him so I'd just let it go. Can you tell your caterer to box that meal up and take it home for a late night meal/snack? Maybe just call the caterer and tell them you had a last minute cancellation and they will understand? If you can talk to the caterer, I'd just let your mom know that you've talked to the caterer and were able to cancel his meal so you wouldn't have to pay for an empty seat. Then, she'd know A - he won't have food if suddenly he can come and B - it wasn't cheap or free to have a plate made for him. Or just leave it be..
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Expert June 2019
Afterallthistime...Always · on May 9, 2019 at 9:35 AM
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Since you aren’t close with him, I wouldn’t be that upset. Call the caterer and see if they can box up his meal as to-go, and take it home with you.
I would not be petty to your mom. She didn’t do anything wrong.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on May 9, 2019 at 12:16 PM
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This is super annoying and I’d be pissed too, but I feel like you should try not to resent your mom for it so much because it doesn’t seem like it’s HER fault, and she will probably give you a gift that would more than cover his plate anyway. Can you contact your caterer and see if they can remove him? I know they always say strict deadlines but they know sh** happens and there’s a chance may be more flexible than you’d think. Can’t hurt to ask. If they won’t let you, maybe ask your mom if there’s a friend she would want to bring with her instead? Seems a little silly but I feel like if I was paying for the plate anyway I’d rather someone eat it 🤷🏻‍♀️
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Dedicated May 2019
Maura · on May 9, 2019 at 1:05 PM
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I know the logical thing would be to let it go. I want to be an adult about this, but my stressed wedding brain is having a hard time with it. I’m just more offended than anything, and resent my mom for not caring more. The venue will let me box up the food, so I guess we’ll just have it to snack on the next day. I think I’ll still have the planner put out his escort card, so my mom will have the job of explaining why he’s not there to my grandparents.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on May 9, 2019 at 10:05 PM
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I think you can be frustrated, but this is bound to happen with at least a handful of people. I would allow yourself to be annoyed today and then move on and let it go. DOn't sit your mom with your grandmother on the other side, it'll cause more drama on your day that you won't want to deal with.
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