I don't know if this is a cultural thing but some asian weddings I've gone to, the bride and groom were NOT the focus. The focus was more on their families - mom, dad, sister, brothers, dog, grandparents... it is almost like a competition between families with who's closer. (And honestly - a wedding IS NOT a quinceñera!). I'm not into that at all. Also - because our wedding is religious and FH & I are of the same culture, there's already expectations of how it's going to go - 300 people, invite your friends (even if we don't know them or just an acquaintance), have every single family member involved, etc... We are not those expectations. I believe there's a good balance between being true to your culture, religion but still doing things on your terms. I think I've seen my MIL give me the disappointed look so many times when things weren't going the way as expected...
Also - my in laws (again, maybe it's cultural) expect to be in the spotlight. MIL wanted her first grandchild to be a flower girl but had to tell her "no" bc she's less than a year old. We don't like wagons or people carrying them down - it's just too stressful. Babies are unpredictable and I don't want everyone else (even myself) to worry about them. She even said, "will it take attention away from the bride and groom?" as if it's bad thing. My FH's brother is part of a jazz combo and we would love him to play during our cocktail your - guests will be coming in, we'll be on an outside patio overlooking the water/skyline, etc.. MIL was expecting FH's brother to have a full out performance where the spotlight is on him during the reception. Again, she was not happy. When I spend time with the family, all i hear is how they would incorporate all of their family stories and their ideas (that's all about them) on our wedding. I think childhood and family are important but it's just a small part of the day. The focus needs to be on the bride + groom. With this, I've decided that we're eliminating parents' toasts - our dads are not interested in doing the talk, so the moms would fill in. FH's mom gave a 10 minute speech at her daughter's wedding about how her daughter was an honor roll student and their whole family history of how they migrated to the US. I mean...that's great but it should be about the bride + groom. I know a videographer who works for starbucks and does campaign videos. He makes "interview" type-presentations, so the moms speeches would be responses of his interview - "how was billy as a kid? what's your advice for the married couple? how did you know billy was in love?" The content is much more appropriate.
Sorry for the rant. I feel like no one gets how annoyed/stressed I am. Any advice on how to keep the focus on the couple? And how did you deal with family expectations?
