How do you tell a groomsman hes no longer needed?

Everyone else in their family! My FH brought up last night that if his attitude didnt completely do a 180..or atleast make some progress that he wouldnt be in our wedding. We dont want someone who doesnt get along with us, or even care...to be standing up there with people we consider important people in our lives! He was invited to be a groomsman simple because he is the brother....but now that its been brought up he may not be in it....He totally didnt react. All he said "ok...whatever"!!! after he said that i am totally for him not being in the party! Cuz if that does not bother him, i dont think he should be in it at all! it shows he doesnt care!!! I dont want someone who doesnt care to stand up there!!!! (the thing is, if we kick him out, his mother will be down our throats that we are treating him wrong!!!)

idk what to do =/! he irritates me literally everyday...so it wont bug me...but its bothering my FH cuz its his brother...but he doesnt care about our wedding!

plz HELP!!!

This is just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt....He is 19, and 19 year olds are still teenagers, and some can't express their feelings in certain ways. Could it be that he is jealous of your relationship with his brother? He could see it as you are "taking" his brother away, and when you all don't include him (whether it's wrong or right to do so) that's his way of reacting? To me a 19 y.o. "Whatever", means he is hurt and he really does care. I think you all as the adults should ask him what really is the problem. My brother and I are estranged, I haven't seen him in 10 years, and I would in a heartbeat want him in my wedding, because he is my brother and regardless of our issues, I still love him.

That's just my two cents. Good luck Sweetie.

Yeah..I agree with Chances..I can completely understand your point, but it is your FH's brother..you might regret it later in life if you ask him to step down as a GM and then it ends up straining family relationships. Maybe try sitting down with him and explain that if he cannot handle the responsibilities, then your FH will find someone else to stand up next to him. Guys don't mature quickly enough..sometimes never at all, so if he acting so hard to pretend that he doesn't care, he probably does and just doesn't want to own up to it. Hope everything works out!

He doesnt talk to anyone in his family...when something is wrong...he'll sit around and not say a word, but he knows when he does that his mother will give him attention! I have siblings that im close, and others that im not, but him and my FH have never gotten along. So my FH asking him to be in our wedding was a big step. But he continously treats him like crap! I dont think anyone that treats either of us like he does should be in our wedding! MY own step sister kicked her other step sister from her dads family out of her wedding cuz she was rude. i dont want to start drama from this in the family, but i wouldnt allow my brothers to act like he does either and still be considered and important person at our wedding. I know hes 19, Im 19, but i would never treat people like he does, then expect things out of them! Being in a wedding is kind of honor (to me) and to treat it like he deserves it is just wrong!!

Well i have siblings that arent in our wedding that i havent even asked. Theyre invited, but theyre not in our wedding party, and i'd much rather see one of my step brothers up there who treats my FH with respect, and would be thrilled to be up there, than someone who constantly picks fights with him, and calls him names! I just dont think his maturity level is where it should be to be in a wedding. They dont get along and never have!! So him being asked to be in our wedding was completely unexptected my FH! This is his decision though. I told him i would not interfere with who he chooses!

Hes actually the one asked me to post it to see what you all thought ! he said he would like to see what other people thought! lol...i could care less if hes up there with us, it wont hurt my feelings, but my FH doesnt want to hurt his feelings, but cant stand his attitude and they way he treats him!

I think Chances makes a good point, a 19-year-old boy saying "whatever" doesn't mean that he doesn't care - he might be more hurt than you think, but just doesn't want you to know. Kicking him out of the wedding party could cause serious damage in your already strained relationship with him. I don't know all of your circumstances but I would be inclined to keep him, but don't give him any actual responsibilities. All he should have to do is get a suit, and show up to the rehearsal and the wedding.

Maybe your FH should take him out for coffee or something, just the two of them, and talk about things. Maybe they need a little "man" time without you or your FMIL or anyone else who might influence the tone of the conversation. I wish you the best of luck in getting things worked out.