Sorrry, its a long one. I grew up in a pretty traditional catholic family, and I have already butted heads with my dad with my views on his role in my engagment and wedding. He is still married to my mom, and he is rather controling, as well as prone to taking his grouchiness out on other members of my family. The whole thing gets even more complicated because I live 2000 miles away from my entire family - so most discussions are part of a family-wide game of telephone,
Because of our less than steller relationship and the fact that I find many wedding traditions to be pretty patriachal, I specifically asked my now fiance to not talk to my dad before we get engaged. Apparently my dad was pretty upset about it, but when I attempted to talk about it, he was really vague and later aparently yelled at my mom for telling me. It is unclear whether or not he is still upset with my fiance.
The other two parts of a traditional wedding - the walking down the aisle and the father/daughter dance - make me nervous. I don't want to keep being a dormat to my dad's whims, but I also don't want to degrade my relationship with him further nor do I want my mom to have to put up with more of his bull because of me.
Has anybody else been in a similar situation? I would appreciate any advice on how to diplomatically handle this without destroying my relationships.