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Nicole
Savvy October 2023

How do you feel about asking for a different engagement ring?

Nicole, on June 20, 2021 at 11:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
The ring my fiancé got me is very beautiful and I do love it. At the same time, I’m in love with a different ring. I knew he was going to propose well before he did bc he didn’t hide it well, so I sent him a link to a ring I really loved and he ended up getting my current engagement ring last minute. He even said he got it the day he proposed, so I know he doesn’t have much attachment to this one. Well, that original ring I found popped up as an ad and when I saw it, my heart swelled. I still want that ring. It’s even cheaper than the one he bought.


On top of that, I asked him a couple weeks ago how he would manage to top my birthday this year bc last year he proposed. And he said he would just buy me another ring. I still love this one and would use it for the engagement photos and everything but to summarize, should I feel bad for asking for a different ring? I know a few people who got a second ring that they picked out. (I know he isn’t upset, I asked him and told him it’s exactly what I want for my birthday, there is nothing else I would want from him.) So my questions are: 1. Should i feel bad for asking for a second ring? 2. Am I a bad fiancé for asking? 3. Has anyone here gotten a second ring and how did you go about it?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Deborah, on June 25, 2021 at 7:22 PM
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    It sounds like you and your fiancé have already talked about the situation and it seems like he's fine with it. Don't feel bad, ask for it 🤷🏾‍♀️
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  • Aleann
    Savvy October 2022
    Aleann ·
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    I love my ring and I’m not asking for a different one so I’m not in the same boat, but from and outsider perspective it seems like you’ve already talked about it and he understands. I’d say maybe bring up the conversation sometime and just let him know how you feel! Don’t feel bad asking for a different ring because that’s the ring you’ll be wearing everyday for the rest of your life! And no that doesn’t make you a bad fiancé, you just want a different style and there’s nothing wrong with that! Have a great day and I hope you get a beautiful new ring! ✨
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    Sounds to me like you've essentially already asked.

    My question is, why didn't he buy it the first time around when you made it clear it was exactly what you wanted?

    From the sounds of it, he already knows that he didn't get you what you wanted. So tell him: that's what you would like him to get you.

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  • Sherika
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Sherika ·
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    I asked for a different ring and picked it out myself because I felt I should love my ring. Maybe selfish but it’s something for me to love and look at everyday.
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Simply put: I think you should have the ring you want (especially since you told him and he just purchased a random ring at the last minute?). You can always trade in your current ring so you don’t have two and have it go towards the cost of the new ring.
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  • Makeba
    Devoted September 2022
    Makeba ·
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    I am actually glad we picked my ring out together. Not sure what I wanted and I know he didn’t know either.
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    It sounds like you've already had this conversation, and your fiance had no issue with you asking for the ring you wanted. To me it makes no sense for you to be asking if you "should" feel bad about something unless you actually do feel some guilt about it or someone else has suggested to you that you should feel bad about it.

    Fiance doesn't care, so what's the big deal?

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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    I agree with Kari.

    I got a new ring only because FH proposed with his mother's old wedding ring which was her e-ring and wedding band soldered together. It was beautiful, but def. not my style, didn't fit (too small), and I didn't like the fact that I was already wearing my e-ring and wedding band together.

    He had already told me the day he proposed that he knew it was too small and not my style lol, so we planned a day to go get mine custom made using the ring we already had, plus my mom's old wedding ring as well.

    As long as you both are on the same page, and your fiancé hasn't shown or expressed any hurt feelings about it, then I don't see why you can't change it.

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  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
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    I agree with this. It's also why I went with my FH to pick out a ring. We actually had mine put together at a custom show because I was so specific about the stone I wanted (tanzanite).

    I've never really understood why guys will pick a different ring than what their SO sends them, but it's probably something you should talk to your FH about sometime.

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  • Nicole
    Savvy October 2023
    Nicole ·
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    Sometimes he doesn’t share all of his feelings with me. When I asked he said okay but that’s it. I just wanted to see what everyone else’s perspective on it was. I also have a small feeling that he still won’t get it and I wouldn’t know why bc I said that’s exactly what I want. He didn’t listen the first time.
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    If this is something that's important to you why don't you talk to him about it in a setting that's not about gifts? Maybe there's something about that ring that he doesn't like for you and there's a reason he's against it. Maybe he wants some input on the ring he gets to get you for your engagement? You're gonna have a long time together to talk through things, so now's a great time to start with something that's a bit smaller!

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    If you’re worried he still wouldn’t get it for you after a very clear conversation where he agreed to, that’s probably part of a bigger problem. Does he usually go back on what he agrees to?
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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    Let’s see some pics of these rings!
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  • Sheree
    Savvy April 2022
    Sheree ·
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    You should just ask, sounds like he’s getting another ring anyways so just make sure this time it the one you want. I had picked out my ring and sent it to my FH a year before he proposed and he got it right. I don’t think you should feel bad you should love your ring.
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  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
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    Hell I picked out my own engagement ring and now I want something different! LOL. Our wedding was postponed due to covid and so it’s been almost 2 years since he proposed and we had kinda talked about upgrading it and you just have to find the right time to kinda say what you want. I showed him the new one I wanted (basically the same as the one I have now but without the halo, and he said as long as I stay within the budget for the wedding band and upgrading the ring then he was fine with whatever I wanted! He just didn’t want to spend ~extra~ money. We bought it from diamonds direct and their policy is after a year you can upgrade 110% of the original value so I’m excited to upgrade and go ring shopping again! Just be honest with your fiancé with how you feel and hopefully everything goes well! You can always wait and talk about it again if it doesn’t go over well the first time. He might just have to sit on it and think about it. That’s why I waiting to bring it up lol
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  • Deborah
    Savvy July 2021
    Deborah ·
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    Ooh I sorta feel...except my ring gives me a rash so I need a totally new style and metal! It makes him upset when I mention it (cause like he PROPOSED with it) so we'll probably wait for an anniversary ring. I think it's strange that your FH proposed with a random one, when you had already shown him exactly what you wanted, but it sounds like he's trying to make it right! It doesn't sound like it's something that needs to be dealt with right now though, so try not to think about it too hard because it doesn't change the love between you

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