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Mrs.
Super May 2019

How do you address your in laws?

Mrs., on May 20, 2019 at 2:15 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 22

My husband and I just got married less than a week ago and neither him, his parents, nor I, know how I should start addressing them. I met his parents when I was 16 years old, so I was calling his parents Mr. and Mrs., which has continued up until now- 8 years later. When we got engaged, I stopped referring to them as Mr. and Mrs. and started awkwardly just saying "hey, how are you doing?" and "goodnight, thank you for _____" as my greetings instead (I don't think they noticed haha). Anyway, so now we're all feeling a bit weird about this change, even though both his parents call their in laws by their first names.

On the other hand, my mom and dad have requested that my husband address them by "mom and dad" in my native language because we're all family now. It'll take some getting used to, but at least we know that it's what my parents want from him in order to feel like a family but also feel respected.

Anyway, just curious how and your spouse each address your in laws!

22 Comments

Latest activity by Jolie, on May 21, 2019 at 9:05 AM
  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    I call my inlaws by their first names, and have from the start. DH calls my parents by their first names too. He does call my grandmother Gran though!

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  • Renée
    Devoted March 2019
    Renée ·
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    I was super awkward about this too. I call my MIL mom now, she called me her daughter first. At the wedding I told her that I guessed I could call her mom now! She was thrilled. My own mom is dead, it’s nice to be able to call her mom.

    I think your husband should ask his parents what they prefer.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I met my FILs when I was 29. So I call them by their names. it gets easier.

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  • Mrs.
    Super May 2019
    Mrs. ·
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    I've called his grandparents "Abuelo" and "Abuela" since I met him, so at least I've got that part figured out hahaha

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  • Mrs.
    Super May 2019
    Mrs. ·
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    That's incredibly sweet! Did it take some getting used to or was it a pretty easy switch for you?

    My husband did ask them the other day. I think his dad also awkwardly tried to brush it under the rug. I asked my husband what they landed on and he said he didn't know, his dad said they'd revisit the conversation later... presumably after we have the wedding celebration with all our family and friends since we got married privately with just our immediate families. He thinks they're in the same boat I am because I've just known them for so long and referred to them as Mr. and Mrs. ____ since I was a teenager.

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  • Mrs.
    Super May 2019
    Mrs. ·
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    Haha, I sure hope so! Not just with my in laws, but with many other people I come across. I feel like I'm at that awkward stage in my life where I feel I'm at an age where I'm old enough to call people (elders and authority figures) by their first names, but I still feel too young and doing so would seem impolite.

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  • Terra
    Expert September 2020
    Terra ·
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    Ugh, I feel that. We had been together for a year or two before I really started to spend any time with his mom (he didn't get to see her much for a while). Because of that, we kind of ended up in a cycle of "hey, you."

    All his other family, I address them like they're my family. Grandma, Papa, Aunt/Uncle ___. To other people, I refer to his mom by her first name. It feels awkward to say it to her face, but I do when I have to. It's especially weird now that we're staying with her. I think it just throws me off bc my parents called each other's parents as mom/dad my whole life, so I feel like that's what I should be doing, but we're not there. I love his family, MIL included, but we're not on a mom/daughter level.

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  • Heather
    Savvy June 2019
    Heather ·
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    Haha, my FH has totally avoided calling my mother anything for years now. I think he called her Mrs. Last Name once, and she promptly went oh no, call me First Name! And instead he just doesn't ever call her anything (with me, he just calls her my mom). That was like 7 years ago. I honestly thought she never noticed, but she brought it up immediately when we got engaged. She's all on board with him calling her Mom or her first name or anything he's comfortable with. He's still just steadily pretending people don't have names or titles. I love it.

    Anyway, what do you want to call your in-laws? I think having a suggestion when you eventually talk to them about it again might make the whole conversation easier. What do you want to be called is a very broad question for some people, whereas Is it ok if I call you [fill in whatever you want to call them] is a lot easier to answer. I also don't think there's anything wrong with continuing to call them Mr. and Mrs. if that's ultimately what you're most comfortable with.

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  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
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    We both call our parents “Mr. firstname and Ms. firstname.”
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    I use their first names, I have since I met them. I think they’d like for me to call them mom and dad, but I’m not comfortable with that.
    I do call his grandparents grandma and grandpa, and I don’t like that but when I asked what her name was because I’d missed it, she told me grandma 🤷‍♀️ (I know it now).
    I think you need to call them whatever you’re comfortable with.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    We've still got a few months, but I call them by their first names. However, it doesn't come up in conversation often. It's often just a "hey, how are you" and a hug. I feel like I rarely use people's names unless I'm trying to get their attention.
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  • Lizzy
    Super October 2019
    Lizzy ·
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    My FH calls my parents mom and dad. I sometimes use their first names, mainly if in talking to or the other ( like oh Michelle told me...) But it's awkward for sure lol.
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  • Kristin
    Super November 2019
    Kristin ·
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    Both of us call each other's parents by their first names, the only exception is around our nephews and niece then we use "granny & pop-pop" or "grandma & grandpa" depending on the family.

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  • Futuremrs
    Devoted July 2019
    Futuremrs ·
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    I was almost 40 before I met my FILs, so I just call them by their first names and my FH calls my mom by her first name.
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  • Kiana
    Dedicated June 2019
    Kiana ·
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    We both call each others in laws “mom and dad” if I am referring to his mom I say “mom” and if her is referring to mine it’s also “mom”. It was easiest and the best way. We are all very closer though.
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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    He is close to my mom and dad but neither of us is close to his parents. We will probably both keep calling them by their first names.

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  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
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    I call them by the first names.

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  • Megan
    Dedicated October 2019
    Megan ·
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    I call his mother by her name most of the time. His father is either his name, his nickname, or very rarely dad. FH doesnt really have a set way to address my parents
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  • Mrs.
    Super May 2019
    Mrs. ·
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    Haha, glad I'm not alone. Do you ever think you'll call her mom? Maybe after the wedding?

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  • Mrs.
    Super May 2019
    Mrs. ·
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    Your FH sounds like me haha. I guess I'd prefer to call them by their first names since it seems that's what they do with their in laws. It feels a little silly now calling them Mr. and Mrs. now that we're married. Seems a little too formal and un-family-like in my opinion.

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