How do you accept your relationship with your Mil?

I have a shaken and not good relationship with my FMIL and to be honest I keep her informed but I also let her be involved as much as we really don't get along and I try to keep her at arms length when it comes to her opinions. FH and I have been together for 4 years and this last weekend is the most I've ever talked to FMIL. Which is sad because I'm very close with my family.

View Quoted Comment Exactly. FH & i are college sweethearts. Been together for five years. FMIL known about my wedding dress shopping for 2 months. It was on my birthday, November 16th. At the last minute she had a “hair appointment” and didn’t come. Really hurt my feelings because I looked forward to having her there. It’s a hit and miss most times.

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Oh wow she knew 2 months?! Yeah that would hurt me to. I understand, my FMIL and I haven't been close and I do know that I will invite her when I do try on dresses but if she comes up with a hair appointment and the last min that would be tough and like a slap in the face.

Honestly, I'm finding the whole thing to be a bit touch and go. My fmil only had sons, and I happen to be marrying the younger of the two. She and I get along pretty well, but she did have her opinions when we decided to move in together without being engaged or married first. But for the most part we've moved past that. I couldn't include her in dress shopping because her health won't let her travel, but I video called her to include her. Other than that she's been out of the way of wedding plans other than being happy.


I think you just have to keep being nice. For me, her elder son had a terrible divorce, and thus she was a little less receptive to the second daughter in law. Which all of this happened way before I even knew my FH, so you would think I would get a clean slate! But people are people. And she will be family. I say turn on the good ol American southern charm and kill 'em with kindness if she's causing problems.
Also, I think my fmil didn't realize how important dress shopping was because she doesn't have sons. She was kind of surprised I was including her tbh! So take that with a grain of salt too

I'm good with my mil. But initially I always felt like she didn't like me. I think it was just all moreso cus we didn't know each other. I'd say just keep trying maybe you guys have more in common than ya think.

For us it took my FH pulling away from her for her to understand that if she didn’t respect and accept me then she’d be jeopardizing her relationship with her son. She hated me for years. It took work and mutual respect but it works. Now, if mine was like yours and purposefully petty and mean I would get your fiancée involved to have a little talk with her. Like it or not they’re family and it’s going to be so much harder if boundaries are not set now.

I feel very similar to you. My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years. He is super close to my family but I cant say the same with me and his family. Im hoping that the wedding will help that. I try to include my FMIL in what is going on and asking her opinions on things in hopes it gets her excited and brings us closer