How do we tell someone that we no longer want him to be a groomsmen?

If he's a good friend i wouldn't dismiss him. If he's not being serious then your fh should talk to him about it. If you dismiss him out will be the end of the friendship probably.

Your wedding it almost two years away. What is the friend doing that's so immature that he would take back his request for his friend to be in the wedding party? A lot can happen in two years. This friend might be a very different person by then..or not. I'm sure he was just as immature before your so asked him to be in the wedding. I think it would be rude and ruin the friendship to take away his groomsman status.

I think your fiance definitely jumped the gun here by asking his friend to be in the wedding because wedding is still almost 2 years away. He also had to have known his friend was immature before he asked as it is highly unlikely his personality suddenly changed. Unless you husband wants to lose his friendship with this guy, then I wouldn't kick him out of the wedding. My husband's friends joke around all of time and can be really immature at times, but knew the importance of a wedding as they are all married/engaged so they were on their best behavior at the wedding. Since the wedding is still so far away, I wouldn't do anything at this point. Their friendship could change over the course of the next two years. His friend could also mature during that time. Remember women mature faster than men so maybe in 2 years he will be more mature. I would make any rushed decisions right now.

I would wait before making a final decision. "Firing" a groomsmen is a pretty much a death blow to friendships. If your FH is okay with ending the friendship, go ahead and let him know it isn't working out for you

You shouldn’t do anything. People and relationships can change a lot in 2 years, which is why the wedding party shouldn’t be asked this far out. Luckily for you, that means that this groomsman has lots of time to mature before your wedding. At the end of the day, “firing” (is this a salaried position?) your friends is a friendship ending move, so this decision should be made by your FH, your opinion isn’t necessary on this one.

View Quoted Comment When we saw him most recently, he was making tons of jokes about the wedding. He wasn’t very touched or excited to be a groomsmen. He was just acting like our wedding wasn’t something he cared about. We’ve been friends with him for almost ten years, so I think my fiancé just got too emotional about the wedding and asked people he assumed would really want to be there. Personally, I think that he would take it seriously when the time is here, but my fiancé is so worried that he won’t. I can tell my fiancé feels bad for asking way too early, but at this point I don’t think he should do anything. Like you said, a lot can change in two years.

View Quoted Comment For sure. It’s a tough decision. I honestly think it should be just left alone until it gets closer.

View Quoted Comment You’re right. I have faith that he would get it together in time, but my fiancé is so worried. Thank you for the advice!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the advice! I’m definitely thinking we should just wait it out.

View Quoted Comment Not a salaried position. I just couldn’t think of another word to use at the time. Personally, I have faith that his friend will straighten out before the wedding. I’m not too worried, but my fiancé is. So, I’m leaving it up to him. We’re going to wait it out and see how this friend acts in the meantime.

View Quoted Comment You're welcome! I think your fiance should have taken his friend's maturity level into account before he asked him to be a groomsman. At this point, it is too late because his friend will be hurt if your fiance removes him from the wedding.

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A lot can definitely change in 2 years (hopefully his maturity). If he jokes again about it, you guys can say something along the lines of, "We're both very excited for this day and it's very important to us and want you to be a part of it. We value your friendship and love you, but if you're more comfortable coming to the wedding as a guest rather than being in the wedding, we would understand and there would no hard feelings." That way you take the pressure off of you guys to make this decision. I think if you "fire" him, depending on the person he is, it may tarnish/end your friendship with him.

I wouldn't hit the panic button and make any further decisions just yet!

A lot can change in the next (almost) two years before your wedding - and if this a really good friend of your FH it could have some major impacts on the friendship. At this point, I would keep him in the wedding party and hope for the best that he grows out any bad habits that y'all are concerned about in that time, and if you are still worried about him taking things seriously, have FH have a one on one talk with him maybe 6 months before. What would be the absolute worst for everyone involved would be kicking him out now, only to regret it down the line. Ouch!

I wouldn't even worry about it until October 2020. Tell him not to mention it again, and see if the friendship even continues. And 100% do NOT ask anymore people until 8-10 months out from your wedding. If another year goes and he feels the same, he will have to tell him and realize the friendship will probably end.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! This was great advice.