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Just Said Yes June 2022

How do i tell someone i don’t want them as a bridesmaid anymore

Tatiana, on October 18, 2021 at 11:59 AM Posted in Planning 0 7

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I asked my sister in law to be my bridesmaid we were always close so I knew I wanted her there but now after a couple of months she’s not answering my messages anymore, won’t commit to being at the wedding, is coming up with every excuse she could to not be there, and has now planned her wedding a month before mine every time I try to bring up that her being a bridesmaid may not be the best idea she insist it will be fine I’m not sure what to do at this point I want all the drama to be over and I think if she stays as my bridesmaid it will just continue I really don’t want to make it this huge deal where everyone in the family gets involved

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Latest activity by Tatiana, on October 19, 2021 at 10:23 PM

Super July 2020
Cool · on October 18, 2021 at 4:49 PM
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It likely will become a big deal with the family. Unless she’s done something to actively hurt you, this is a friendship/relationship ender. Don’t start your marriage like that. Just let go of any expectations from her.
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VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on October 18, 2021 at 4:59 PM
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Given your sister-in-law is getting married herself, I suspect she may have a full plate and hence hasn't been able to be at your beck and call with your wedding.
I wouldn't necessarily ask her to step down but I would try and have a more serious conversation with her and explain that even though she has previously told you it would all be fine, that you are not sure of that because of [past examples of behaviour].
Try put it to her from the perspective of "I just want to make sure I'm not burdening you and that it won't cause you much trouble to..." so she doesn't feel pressured into responding a certain way.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on October 18, 2021 at 5:06 PM
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I agree with PP, asking her to step down is likely going to cause issues. I would just continue moving forward with your wedding plans as usual. As long as she shows up the day of your wedding in the dress she is supposed to be wearing, that’s really all that matters. Extend invitations to whatever you are doing with your BM‘s, but don’t expect her to attend, and don’t let her attendance affect your good time.
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Savvy September 2022
Kim · on October 19, 2021 at 11:50 AM
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There’s no way to do that nicely.
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Savvy July 2022
Hermaine · on October 19, 2021 at 9:20 PM
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Did she purchase her dress and other items for the ceremony? If so just politely tell her that you will reimburse her for the items. It's that simple that day belongs to you.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on October 19, 2021 at 10:20 PM
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Or you could keep in mind that this is your SIL and you will have to live with that relationship for a very long time. It doesn't frankly sound like she's doing anything wrong except not being as communicative as you would like. What do you mean she won't commit to being at the wedding?
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Just Said Yes June 2022
Tatiana · on October 19, 2021 at 10:23 PM
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I asked her if she would be my bridesmaid and she said yes then when I talked to her later she said she would try to make it and gives us every excuse to not be there and I’ve tried asking if she thinks she can still
Be a bridesmaid since she says she’s not sure if she’ll make it and she says yes it’s fine but then goes back to saying she’s not sure if she will be there
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