How do i tell my bff shes not my moh

I would honestly not mention it unless she brings it up. If she does ask, then you should be open and honest with her that you don't feel like she's the same person while on drugs and while she is struggling through this is you do not feel she should be a part of your wedding. Maybe that may be what she needs to work on herself. Also, kudos for you on your recovery.

If her reaction was what you say I doubt she cares enough to bring it up... If she does I would say something apologetic but also that you wanted someone who actually supports your engagement and marriage to stand by your side.

Congrats on you're recovery journey! As a drug and alcohol counselor, I can say that if she's not working on getting to a stable place in recovery, she probably won't remember you telling her anyway...sounds like she's not ready for this responsibility. If I were you, I'd choose the wedding party you want and if she asks about it just kindly let her know that you don't feel like she'd be able to fill the role. I would be completely transparent if she asks.

I wouldn’t bring it up unless she mentioned it again

Honestly I wouldnt even invite her because you dont want her using at the wedding and upsetting you. My brother in law is on recovery and I know what you're going through. I hope she gets help and you get your friend back I'm so sorry

I don’t think you need to tell her she isn’t the moh unless she inquires. And considering the information you provided it doesn’t sound like she’ll ask.

I agree with PP, if that was her reaction, I don't think a conversation is necessary. It sounds like she doesn't care about your future and probably doesn't wonder where her place will be in it.

Congratulations on your recovery journey! As for the situation, I would not discuss it unless she specifically asks about it. It seems that you have grown apart and are at different points in your lives, which is a totally normal thing.

I agree with PP that I just would not bring it up. If she wasn't excited when you told her that you were engaged, she probably won't even really care about the wedding either. I just would not say anything and if she brings it up then have a conversation with her about it and just be honest, but be prepared to lose a friendship.

I'd just let her go on her way. If she mentions it closer to your wedding, that's one thing, but doubtful she will. You still have a year and a half - I wouldn't ask anyone to be in my bridal party this early. It's totally okay that you have went one way and she's gone another and that made you grow apart.

It’s not worth addressing on its own , and based on her reaction it doesn’t sound like she’d necessarily expect to be nor currently wants to. Don’t bring up the conversation unsolicited. ONLY offer her an answer if she comes to you and asks if she’s part of the wedding or why she isn’t— then be fully honest. You love her dearly but she’s difficult to be around when using. But only if she’s asking. Otherwise, let it be.

As someone who had a mother who was actively using for most of my childhood and who later (shocker) fell pretty head over heels for a guy with a drug problem, I've found that if it IS something you want to bring up and confront, writing her a letter may be your best bet. Of course I don't know her, but that will give her a while to have to read and consider what you're saying without having the opportunity to respond ASAP, get angry directly at you immediately, etc.

Thank you for all the thoughtful responses. This has really been nagging at me. Just a few years ago we were talking about our futures and how much we couldn't wait to be involved in each others major life events. I've been blindsided by her relapse. I love who she used to be and this thread has really opened my eyes to the fact that the using version or her doesn't care about me or my future or being involved. It hurts, but at least hopefully she won't even notice.

My bff from childhood lives in MI which is a big reason I didn't choose her as maid of honor. We are pretty open and understand our flaws so she said she was hurt at first but I explained many reasons like she wouldn't be of age (when we thought we were getting married) to buy booze, she was in a money crunch, she isn't super realiable on answering her phone and she didn't know any of my girls. My MOH I picked I have also been friends with for a long time and she lives in the same city as me. She is also older (by a few years), her sis and I are friends and shes a bridesmaid, she knows a second bridesmaid of mine and are friends, she gets stuff done, doesnt take drama and knows the day is about me. She can throw a party and get everyone in a good mood but handle dirty or awkward buisness too.

I wouldn’t address it until she brings it up. I’m also considering not I closing a “close friend” that I’ve grown apart from. I don’t want to cause added drama but don’t see her as someone that will be supportive on my day.

Just ask the ladies you want and if your friend brings it up tell her what you told us. That she’s changed and you don’t need that negativity surrounding you on your wedding day.

good luck ❤️