How do i share with family and friends that i have found a venue? How do i ask family for help?

I think you can text or mention it to your immediate family and in-laws. But you don't have to tell everyone you know yet, you can keep it private until you're ready to send out save-the-dates or wedding website to your invited guests. (I never shared my venue publicly, such as on social media, to avoid crashers.)


I think since you've booked something, now is an appropriate time to have a talk with your parents and say "A while ago you mentioned you would be willing to contribute toward the wedding. What did you have in mind?" Siblings are not expected to help cover the wedding expenses, other than their own outfits and travel.

It's not an easy conversation to have but just sit down with your parents one night and say "I know you mentioned that you were willing to help with the cost of the wedding, we've booked a venue and are starting to figure out details, so we would like to know exactly what that would entail so that we can determine our budget"

Try to get exact amounts and not ballpark ranges because it's easier to plan if you know what you'll be able to afford

Plan the wedding you can afford on your own and if anyone OFFERS to help you, you can accept if you want. Also, why on earth would your sisters contribute to you wedding?

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Agree, I would just set the budget based on what you can afford and let your parents know you have booked something (we just told our parents the day we booked a venue because we were excited - none of them were financially contributing). If your parents are planning to contribute, they'll probably ask at that point about cost and how they can help. I don't personally think it's appropriate to ask, even if it's been mentioned in passing before.

I've also personally never heard of siblings contributing to a wedding, but if this is something your family or social circle considers normal, I would think they would offer to help on their own as well. I would personally decline their money if offered, though, unless they really have more than they need and are just dying to give it away - let them save that money for their own weddings, if they plan to have them!

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Awesome!
This was helpful!

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Love it! Thank you!!

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Not helpful, but thanks?

I'm not sure why your sisters would help pay for your wedding. I've never heard of that before ever.

I would plan what you can afford and if your parents contribute, great, you can upgrade some things. No-one owes you money for your wedding, at all.

Best way to manage budget is to keep the event small and the guest list low.

Congrats on booking the venue! We did too today! Aahhhh. still cant believe it! Since we are doing a destination wedding and have limited capacity. We started by creating a excel sheet of all the guests we plan on inviting. Our guest list is too big, so we color coded based on 3 categories. The first group are the people we 100% are inviting. The second group is people we’d love to go but might not be able to invite based on whether the first group is all going. And the third group is the back up people. We messaged most of our first group via text today, we provided a chart with room types/prices for the hotel and included the dates, so that people can have a good idea if they’ll be able to make it.
As far as people contributing to the cost. I would recommend setting up a lunch/dinner to go over the details. My fiancé’s family and mine also offered to contribute in some way, so my mom is hosting a brunch for both families to talk about the details. In anticipation of this, I created a binder with all the details including prices of everything we’d like at our wedding. Good luck!!!

Once you tell them that you chose a venue, that’s they queue to offer you help. If not, I would not ask.
We are paying for our wedding and keeping it smaller.

Many people subscribe to the idea that if you are old enough to get married you are old enough to pay for it yourselves. Because you are hosting the wedding, it is no one’s responsibility to contribute a penny. You also lose your final say on any decisions made when others are paying.


Feel free to announce anytime that you found a venue but don’t spend more than you can afford. If all you can afford yourselves is the local park with cake from the grocery store, then that’s what you do.

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THANK YOU!! This has been the MOST helpful. Love it! Congratulations to you as well!! I love how organized you are! We wanted a destination wedding, but it didn't end up working out. I hope you enjoy the planning!!!

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This is called B-listing and could really result in hurt feelings. People always find out when they're not priority guests, based on the timing of invitations.

View Quoted Comment People do know when they are your 2nd or 5th choice after the main invites go out based on the timing and some would rather not be invited at all in that situation. So it does backfire even if no one tells you a thing about how they feel. Best to avoid any potential for hurt feelings from the getgo.

Just casually let your family know that you have a venue and a date, so they can mark their calendar.


There is no how much "should" they contribute. If they offer, then that's a bonus. Since they have offered before, I'd ask if the offer still stands and how much they were thinking. Before you start relying on the money, make sure it comes with no strings. Weddings have become incredibly expensive and your parents probably have no clue as to how far (or not far) their money will go. Their contribution may be much smaller than you're hoping for.
As the older sister I always pick up the tab for my own sister, but I would be absolutely flummoxed if she asked me to contribute to her wedding. Siblings paying for weddings is not a thing. There is no tradition of this, and unlike parents, most siblings won't have a retirement or extra funds saved up. They're presumably working to make a living just like you are.

Money is such a tricky subject! I personally think the idea that parent's should pay for our weddings is based in the outdated concept - but if they want to, why should we not accept?

If you have a relaxed relationship with your family I would just bring it up next time you see them, if you don't then you could perhaps discuss your wedding plans and wait to see if they offer their financial support.

With this said I wouldn't personally want to accept a financial contribution if it came with strings attached. Our parents have very graciously sent us a bit of ££ to our joint account and are allowing us to spend it on our wedding in any way we see fit.

As others have said your sister contributing would be highly unusual, but again - if she wants to, why not? It would be worth considering though that accepting may sent a precedent among your siblings where everybody expects everyone else to chip in if and when they get married.

I totally hear you on finding it hard to accept help or money, but my mum always taught me to accept help. Life is too short and too hard to do things on your own when you don't need to! If somebody wants to help you, let them!

I would casually mention to your parents that you found and booked a venue and see what they say. Siblings contributing to weddings costs is not a thing. There is no rule to how much parents contribute. Many contribute zero, and others pay for their child's wedding entirely. In my case, my parents and my husband's parents paid for the bulk of our wedding, but this meant that they were intimately involved in all of the decision making (including, and perhaps most importantly, the selection of the venue). We couldn't have just booked a venue without consulting them and then asked them to contribute financially. Money generally comes with strings attached. So my advice would be to mention to your parents that you found a venue and see if they offer to help. If they want to help, definitely let them, but realize that they will be involved in the decision-making aspects of your wedding planning going forward

Who pays for what, and how, will depend on your family dynamics and what your parents want to do. Many parents want to be heavily involved in planning if they are financially contributing. Others are happy to gift money with no strings attached. And the method of gifting money will determine how payments are made. For us, one set of parents gave us a check and told us to use it for whatever we want, so we deposited it into our wedding savings account. The other set of parents didn't give us cash directly but told us a maximum amount they're willing to spend and want us to give them a call when it's time to make a payment. Parents who want more involvement may be the ones directly working with and making payments to vendors. So it really just depends. Discuss your parents' expectations at the same time you talk about budget (and I agree that if you know your parents would like to help, it doesn't hurt to ask them what amount they were thinking!).


I will add that even if you will be accepting financial help from parents, it's still a good idea to keep a base budget of what you and your fiance can afford on your own, especially if the money comes with strings attached.

My best advice is to take a deep breath, then ask. Approach it gently and leave it open for them to interpret what you mean (like don't mention a specific amount, etc) and let them tell you what they're comfortable with contributing. Best of luck to you!