How do I not invite a friend?

Just don't send her an invite. You said you haven't seen her in several years. If she asks why--which I can't imagine she will--just tell her you are keeping it small.

I mean if you only struggling to decide on two people I say invite them both, 31 vs. 30 is not that serious. If you really don't consider this old friend a friend anymore than I don't see why you would invite her. To make my life easy I'm not inviting anyone I havent spent time/talked to in 1 year from when the STD go out. FH has been more flexible w his invites... but in the end numbers are good, just over 100.

The only way you can not invite her is if you would consider the friendship over.

Does the friend know about the wedding/did you suggest she would be getting an invite? If so then I think as @Mags said, invite to keep peace. If not, then do as StPaulGal suggested, don't invite and be honest if she asks, you are keeping it small and though you could not invite everyone, youbare thankful for her support

The number of people we are inviting is not so much the issue. One extra person would not be a big deal. I guess what I meant to say is because of how different our lives are now I just can't see myself inviting her or let alone spending time with her as a friend. She continues to act like my bff on Facebook and whatnot, yet all she ever talks about is her kids (which is fine I get that to a certain degree) or this ridiculous marketing scam stuff about how you can make x amount of money by enriching your life bs. It's not that I don't care about her it's just that our lives are completely different from one another's, especially since my fiancé and I got engaged. Initially I wanted to invite her. Now I don't. I know she would be hurt if I didn't invite her. But I can't see myself acting normal around her if she was there. It's already awkward enough because I don't know how to deal with her over social media, let alone in person.

I played a similar scenario in my head over asking a friend I used to be really close to, but have drifted from for several reasons, being a bridesmaid. We were roommates for two years in college and attached at the hip, but have had an up and down toxic relationship for several years. I still love her and am inviting her to the wedding, but didn't feel comfortable asking her to be a bridesmaid and, frankly, didn't want to. I've agonized over the decision since I got engaged, but not because I was unsure--just because I didn't know how she'd react. Over time, I've realized that if it kills our friendship then so be it. I didn't want ask her out of obligation and have accepted there could be a fallout at some point because of it.

If you're prepared for q similar situation, then don't invite her. You shouldn't feel obligated to invite people you don't want to. But just be prepared for a potential fallout if you don't. Weddings are a big deal; if she feels like she's still close to you at all, she may feel hurt you didn't invite her. Just be prepared to deal with that. If it's too stressful for you, then just invite her.

Colleen, yes she knows about it. Our plans have changed dramatically since getting engaged. We originally planned to do an elopement style Vegas wedding of which I told her about at the time of booking the venue because things were different between her and I. That was over a year ago. In the meantime, she's taken a different path in life, one I don't exactly agree with as far as this closed minded marketing scam stuff goes and my fiancé and I have changed the venue to a more local one due to other reasons. Which means the venue is also closer to where she lives.

Thank you FutureMrsW. I'm definitely prepared for a fallout because I feel as though things are heading that direction anyways, even if it's only on my end. And yes, I don't want to have to invite certain people out of obligation. I want only the closest and most intimate of friends to attend my wedding. I feel like she and I don't fit that mold any more. But I don't think she realizes or knows that....that's the part I'm torn about.

We also aren't having a wedding party. So anyone invited are just purely attendees.

Sounds like you're OK with ending the friendship then because you've already verbally asked her. She's bound to take offence at that. It's why we say don't invite/send std's until you're sure.

@silverring I read from your post to each comment you replied too, and all I hear is you saying I don't want to invite her, so u basically have your answer(your heart) but the fact that you probably going to have to go thru the why's and bs that goes along with it, that's holding you back(your mind) from just not inviting her!

I think you should follow your heart and if she ask why explain y'all in different spaces and my wedding was small and more so family friendly!!!

PS I don't think you need to address her money scamming job tho

OP - You sound a lot like me. I think you just need to take the time to really think about it. You need to mull over what you really want and how you really feel about the friendship. I HATE hurting people's feelings and go out of my way to avoid it, but at the same time you need to do what's best for you and what you want for your wedding day. If you'll truly be happier not inviting her and are okay with the potential fallout, then don't invite her. Her feelings may be hurt, but that's just something you'll have to swallow and not worry about.

You really do have a ton of time to think about this though. If anything, you still have a little less than a year before you need to send out invites, so I wouldn't worry about this now. Maybe try distancing yourself throughout the next year and see how things go, and then revisit this next summer. Who knows -- maybe she'll ditch the marketing thing and you guys will reconnect, or you'll drift even further apart and it'll be easier to not invite her than you think.

I think since you told her of your original Vegas plans and basically invited her, she would expect an invite to your actual wedding.

You have quiet a bit of time before you actually need to invite anyone since your wedding is a year or so away. So here's the thing....in the last year or two you have drifted apart as friends (and that is ok...life happens) but in the next year things can change (again...because life really does happen). You may not want to invite her now, but in 6 months that may change. You may have a heart to heart talk with her and suddenly you guys are "bff" all over again. Really at this point who knows what the future holds there. Instead of worrying about that right now have your guest count ideal number set (like say you want no more than 35 guest no matter what and stick to staying below that number). Worry about who you actually plan to send an invitation to when it is closer to time. That way you are not locked into any certain guest at this point and you are able to be flexible as life happens and things change.

I do agree with a previous post...you should address your issues with her in a private conversation. Whether you remain friends or not is up to you. But if I had been friends with someone for that long...even if we drifted apart some...I would make the time to have a heart to heart and tell her how I felt. Just because at some point over all those years that you were "bff" you confided in her over everything. There's a chance that this friendship can still be mended if you want it to be.

I wouldn't worry about this now. Just wait what happens until it's Time to send out Invitation. Maybe you grow apart further or your friendship can be saved. I would try to talk to her about how you feel before ( growing apart) you don't invite her, when the time comes. Otherwise she will not understand and feel horrible.

Just don't send her an invite

Thank you everyone for your input and advice. The thing is though, is that we never see each other and I've felt for the last several years that we are only friends because that's how we have been growing up. Like if I were to meet her now as an adult, I don't know that I would be friends with her. She's not a bad person by any means, we are just in two different paths in life and I don't feel that we mesh well any more. We will see what happens. I do still have some time to decide what to do. And yes, things might change. The last thing I want is to feel awkward around someone at my wedding due to not seeing each other for several years or because of other reasons. I'll just play it by ear for now and see how things go.