We're here to help you keep moving forward, no matter what your plans are.

A
Just Said Yes October 2020

How do i make it clear to a few guest that they cannot have a plus one?

Amanda, on April 27, 2020 at 5:43 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
Saved Save
Reply

So I have a problem. I have a few guest on my fiance's side that have significant others that are.. let's be blunt and say I am not a fan of them based on several factors. I want his guest to come but I do not want them to be under the assumption that they are able to bring their significant others. I don't want to come across as mean or rude, but as a couple my fiance and I decided that their plus one should be revoked. How do I do this in the most diplomatic way possible as to avoid unnecessary drama?

18 Comments

  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    There’s no way to do this without being mean or rude. Couples are a social unit and should be invited to weddings as such. If you don’t want to invite the entire couple, don’t invite either of them. How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding and the couple went out of their way to let you know that your FH isn’t welcome?
    • Reply
  • Morgan
    Devoted December 2020
    Morgan ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree. You just have to be the bigger person and either invite them or don’t. I’m sure a lot of them won’t come without their significant other anyway
    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Devoted October 2020
    Brittany ·
    • Flag
    I was dealing with this same thing when deciding on who to invite, and who would get a plus one. Just think of it this way - it’s your wedding day and your focus will be on you and your husband and the wonderful time you will have. If someone comes with a partner you don’t care for, you probably won’t even spend much time socializing with this person. Don’t let this get in the way of your big day!
    • Reply
  • Renee
    Super June 2020
    Renee ·
    • Flag
    If you and your fiancé already decided that they shouldn’t be at your wedding, then you address the invitation to the person you want in attendance. “1 seat has been reserved in your name. Accept or Decline” and you keep it moving.


    Grown people shouldn’t be offended when they aren’t invited to a wedding. And from the way it sounds since you are “not a fan” they know their behind isn’t invited. They are just waiting to see if you are actually going to do it.
    • Reply
  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla ·
    • Flag
    This is going to come off as rude no matter how hard you try. Are any of these couples married? Because that would even be worse.


    Agree with PPs.... more than likely, these guests won’t come if you extend an invite to their significant others.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Rockstar August 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    If you’re not inviting their significant others I wouldn’t invite them. If just look at it in their perspective, if you were invited to a wedding but your husband wasn’t, would you want to go to the wedding without him?
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Rockstar August 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Agreed, if they aren’t married and you want to try to only invite one I’d try this but honestly some people still might not get the point and show up anyways.
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    There really is no way to not invite someone’s SO without being rude. someone with a SO is not a “plus one.” Plus ones are when you let single guests bring a “date.” Someone in a relationship is always going to expect to be invited along with their SO (reasonably so).


    If you really object to these people then just go ahead and invite the people you want (don’t address it to the SO, just address it to the invited guest, and make it clear on the Rsvp that there is only 1 seat reserved). But don’t be surprised if they are offended. Also think about when/if they get married... are you going to expect to be invited to their weddings?
    • Reply
  • Laquita
    Devoted July 2021
    Laquita ·
    • Flag

    If they're a couple then there's no way to tell them their SO can't come without coming off rude, even if you don't try to be. I agree with others, maybe try to emphasize that there is only one seat reserved however, you need to be like this across the board & not just for this one situation because it will be noticed. You can't revoke one person's "plus one" and then end up having other guests bring in their SO (who aren't married as well).


    **My personal thing is I'd be pretty upset if I was invited to a wedding and the couple went out of their way to not invite my own SO.

    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Devoted August 2020
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    I would invite them both, or neither. I would not go to a wedding where my significant other wasn’t invited without good reason.
    • Reply
  • Lizzie
    Just Said Yes January 2021
    Lizzie ·
    • Flag
    I think it depends on the type of SO. Meaning if it is someone they live with and you and your fianceé have met multiple times an invite should be extended to both or neither. If the SO is just a girlfriend or boyfriend, who they do not live with, who you have met once you can address the invite to just the person you want invited. You have to decide how important your relationship with that person is.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    I will say, if this person has been aggressive or violent towards you or your FH, you do not need to invite them. (We don't have a backstory, just what you provided, but I wanted to make that clear to you)

    If that is a reason why you don't want that person there, I would have your Fiance handle it, because it is their family. Have your fiance call them and explain why the S.O. is not invited and that you both understand if they no longer wish to attend.

    While I agree 100% that couples should be invited as social unit, I did want to provide context about if that person you don't want there is violent or may cause a scene on your day, you don't need that on your special day!

    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    Both members of a couple are invited by name or neither one of them is.

    This is not a plus-one, which is a date invited by an invited guest.

    • Reply
  • Molly
    Dedicated August 2021
    Molly ·
    • Flag

    My FH and I dealt with this right off the back. We made a huge plus-one rule. One of these 3 things had to be true.

    1. Be married or engaged.

    2. Be living together.

    3. Be dating for at least a year.

    We let all our friends/family who are single/dating know these things ahead of time so there's no confusion on anyone's part. We don't want to have a wedding that is too big so this was an easy way to cut the list down fairly.

    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    Only the two people involved know whether or not they are a couple. It's not determined by time, living arrangements, or jewelry, but by their feelings about each other. If you want to know if they are a couple, ask one of them.

    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    I don't think it's appropriate to tell someone you don't like their choice in partner and therefore that person is not invited. It's completely fine to tell single guests to come solo, but guests in committed relationships should are considered a social unit and should be invited together.

    You need to decide if having the person you like there is worth having the person you don't like there, and invite your guests accordingly.

    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Devoted April 2021
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    My “rule” is anyone that is married or they live with their partner, they’re both invited. Point blank. Of course, you’ll have some grey areas like a couples that have been together for years or they’re well know as a couple in your group of mutual friends. So they’re a package deal too.


    But other than that, nope. At least for me!
    This has definitely increased our guest count, as you can expect. Which is why it’s VERY important to establish what your “budget” is prior to sending invites.
    It doesn’t sound like a $$$ thing though.... It sounds a little personal, like you don’t like certain people and don’t want them invited. In short, it’s simply rude to not invite someone’s wife/husband/domestic partner. Either invite them both or not at all.
    Best of luck!
    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    I had this issue too with two of my fiancé’s guy friend’s girlfriends. I dislike them so much that I don’t want them there at all because I can’t fake being nice to them anymore. I’d say if they’re not worth the price of their seat and you dislike them I’d have your fiancé tell his friends straight up that you both don’t like the gfs and that you’d really appreciate if they came by themselves. Or you could do no ring no bring! Honestly, with my wedding I’ve decided that it’s a once in a life experience and will only be attended by those close to me, and I think it would make any wedding a happier time.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles