How do i include my children??

Sand ceremony during your ceremony. Look it up, it’s like the unity ceremony with the candles but instead you use sand and each pour some sand into a vase or whatever, then at some point you both pour at the same time and it creates a unique pattern. It’s meant to showing the bonding of two families coming together as one. The save man shift and change over time, but the grains always stay together. I have seen a lot of people do this to include their kids in the ceremony part!

Https://www.officianteric.com/sand-ceremony/

I would be a bit wary of this. Presumably, these children have already been through one divorce or breakup. As much as FI will say now that he's committing to all of them, is he actually going to stay committed if you and he ever break up? If he doesn't, it may just cause them to blame themselves for the break-up, or develop a lifelong inability to believe in other people's commitments.

Yes, you can include them in the wedding as attendants, readers, ushers, etc. But I would be concerned about his making any kind of vows to them.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!!

View Quoted Comment Definitely read into it! My dad’s passed and his parents are toxic so we felt something like a unity candle would be weird so I saw the sand ceremony and thought it was awesome for many reasons!

View Quoted Comment I don’t think she’s talking about including them in vows but honoring or finding a way to include them like sand ceremony taking the place of s unity candle. Also I think it’s rather rude that you would tell her to be careful. I have two step children, I will be together for close to 6 and 1/2 years going on 7 when I’m married next October and he has one older son who ISN'T biological his but took the roll of father when he was born because his biological dad was in jail for beating his mom. My FH was 18 maybe 19 then when he choose to take one a child that wasn’t even his. Then they had a biological child together but eventually stopped being together. My FH is now 31, 32 on Christmas. We share both kids with the mom and both kids have been and treated equally regardless of blood or not blood because it all comes down to love. And my step children have no issues over having been through separated parents and all that, in fact they have adjusted well in that aspect because they get love in so many different places. My husband will never love his oldest son any less then his youngest biological son and he will never not be there for them, I will never not love my step children like they are my own, because my love for them is just as strong as if they came out of my stomach. Not everyone and every situation will turn out like that just because it’s happened before or can happen... you shouldn’t be giving her thoughts that may scare her like her husband no longer the kids or getting a divorce or anything of those matters? That’s like saying well, here’s all the bad things that may happen... if she’s happy and comfortable in her marriage then give advice but don’t say negative stuff that can potentially hurt someone. I couldn’t imagine losing my FH to separation let alone have someone list all he possible things that could destroy me mentally. It’s just selfish and rude

I like what PP suggested in unity ceremony. And I also think it's nice what you're doing/wanting to do.

View Quoted Comment Whoa. She was giving advice. Children can be sensitive if things don't work out. I'm sorry you didn't like her advice but I do not feel it was rude or selfish. She said to be careful about making vows to them.

A family prayer together if your spiritual is nice. Unity ceremony is also a great touch.

Ours kids are in our bridal party (his son and daughter are our RB and FG), and my son is escorting me down the aisle. And then we are having his kids wait with him while we walk down the aisle. All of the kids will stand st the front with us for the first couple of paragraphs of the ceremony, and we included a whole section about how we are not just starting a new marriage, and it’s not just us, but a whole new family (even though we have been living together for almost three years, the “new” is symbolic).

Me and my husband have a blended family. He has a daughter (12) & son (10) from a previous marriage, I have a daughter (5) from a previous relationship, and we have a daughter together (2). We made our oldest daughter & son a jr.bridesmaid & jr.groomsmen, and our two youngest daughters flower girls. We also did a sand unity ceremony during the ceremony with all of our kids, had them walk with us for the recessional, had them enter with us for the grand entrance into the reception, and had them sitting at our table with us.

View Quoted Comment But do you not see all the people who posted ideas without throwing something negative in? The last thing I wanna hear is possible divorce or saying someone wouldn’t like children after the fact. I come from a family where I have two step sons and I wasn’t able to meet them for the first year. Now getting married, my kids are apart of my wedding and are excited. Given you say children are sensitive which they are... a child may feel rejected by not being included and I’m sure that the OP doesn’t wanna hear things like divorce or how he won’t be as interested in her kids... she wanted to know how to make them feel like it’s all of them being a family and not them just being a side kick

I appreciate all the suggestions and concerns. But if any of us are going into our marriages thinking about divorce or separation then we really have no business getting married.

I completely see your side, don't get me wrong and agree it is great to include children in some way. We don't marry with plans to divorce but the sad fact is it happens and can be especially hard on children. It's a sensitive subject. I can also see how the post comes across negative. Mostly I take it as advice on being careful about making VOWS to children which isn't the same as a unity ceremony or sand ceremony. But yes divorce is never a happy subject.

I personally think including kids in vows is a little weird. However, I think walking you down the aisle, including them in a unity ceremony (candles, sand, whatever), and letting them stand up with you are all great ways to include them appropriately.

My FH has two children and they are going to be included in our bridal party. We will make a family entrance rather than a couple entrance. I’m thinking of working a choreographed family dance in at the reception. I’m also writing letters to the kids to read on the morning of. His kids are kind of shy and don’t like a ton of attention so I’m trying to be subtle with including them. And discussing with them options and what they would want to do.