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Estrella
Dedicated October 2021

How do i handle drama over No invites

Estrella, on April 7, 2021 at 9:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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Hello all,

My fiancé and I are planning an intimate celebration for October inviting only immediate family and our closest friends, no kids. We are also planning a surprise baby shower for my sister for end of April and have invited only 20 guests. Mostly ladies and no kids.
Recently, the invites for the shower went out & certain family members were dramatic bc they didn't get invited and I was even confronted about the guest list and the no kids policy.
This just gives me a prelude to my wedding, of how ppl will react when they do not get an invitation to my wedding. If they are making a big deal over the babyshower imagine how they will react over the wedding?!!How do I handle these family member's future dramatics in a graceful manner?

9 Comments

Latest activity by Estrella, on May 1, 2021 at 8:41 AM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    In my experience, sometimes small weddings can involve more drama than big weddings because of guest lists. Even with COVID restrictions and all, some people tend to take offense if they’re not invited to a wedding (like I joke with a colleague at work who is also getting married this year, ‘how dare the third cousin’s girlfriend of 1 month not be invited to the 20 person wedding!’).

    The best way in my opinion to deal with this drama is to be polite but to the point (stand your ground) and do not give anyone false hope (i.e. ‘maybe we can consider [a plus one] [inviting X] [etc] closer to the date’). If it were me, “we have chosen to have a very intimate wedding but please do not think this is personal by any means, I do understand some people thought they would be invited but we are very much intending for this day to involve just our immediate family, I hope you can understand that this is what we want and we do not mean to offend you in any way”.

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  • Estrella
    Dedicated October 2021
    Estrella ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thanks for your input!
    I dont think my family fully understands that there is still restrictions due to Covid and that is also impacting the guest lists for both events. They are taking it personally, like i have an issue with them or something. Which isnt the case at all. And when confronted I didn't want to even bother with any explanations. I'm so over them. Uuuggghhhh!!!! Just hoping noone decides to crash my wedding bc there has already been talk of crashing my bridal shower. 🙄 lord help me.
    Thank again for your response!
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    I understand completely – I was considering downsizing my wedding due to COVID and wasn’t going to invite my cousin. My dad said if I don’t invite my cousin, then his parents won’t come (my dad’s sibling) and if they don’t come, he wouldn’t come, and if he wasn’t going to come, my mother wouldn’t come. I totally get where you are coming from.

    I think what is important is stressing to them that the decision was not personal (and use the COVID restrictions to back you up) but also, no matter what they say, make sure that you yourself don’t take it personally and let their frustrations get the better of you. Good luck!

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  • Estrella
    Dedicated October 2021
    Estrella ·
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    Wow! Im only inviting 1 cousin and her husband from.my side of the family because we are closer than any ither cousins. My fiancé doesnt want to invite any cousins from his family at all and his mom is totallysupportiveof this. But When the others find out I hope they are understanding that we are just trying to keep it small, save money and there are coivd restrictions. Sometimes I wish we could have just gone with our 1st plan, eloped to Greece but covid has fowled our plans. I try not to take anything that anyone says to heart and ignore all the noise but i find it difficult bc i am a ppl pleaser and want to make everyone happy. But im trying really hard not to get bullied into inviting ppl just because etc. Trying to stay sane lol.
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  • MK
    Expert September 2021
    MK ·
    • Flag

    People get offended over everything LOL. If I have learned anything from planning my wedding and seeing others plan theirs on WW, it's that people will take offense and feel personally attacked over literally any decision you make. At the end of the day, your wedding day is a day to honor you and your future spouse. You can do whatever you want, Covid restrictions or not! Invite or don't invite based on yours and your fiancé wants for your wedding. If someone has an issue, you can politely explain that you are having an intimate ceremony and you are only able to include so many people. If they fuss, let them fuss! Good luck!

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  • Michelle
    Devoted April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    Just remember to politely stand your ground on the matter. It surprises me that other people think their opinions matter when it comes to your wedding and the guest list. But you get to do whatever YOU want on your wedding day.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    You just have to reiterate to them your reasoning (i.e. "We aren't having kids at the wedding because there will be an open bar", "we had to cut our guest list due to covid restrictions"). Let them know it is not personal, ("we are not inviting the children of any family or friends.") If they are offended by sound reasoning and logic, that's their own problem.

    I agree with the others, people will always find something to get upset over, but you just have to ignore it. You'll get through it! Smiley smile

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  • Estrella
    Dedicated October 2021
    Estrella ·
    • Flag
    UPDATE
    There's more drama over the no invite/no kid policy to my sister'sbabyshower. I feel like I am being bullied into inviting people that dont need to be there. I want to cave. My fiancé and I are seriously considering to just runaway and elope
    ( we looked into Greece, Mexico ane Costa Rica) we want our day to be special but with the family drama it is taking away from everythingand making ne overwhelmed with stress. If we elope we may have to deal with more family drama. Idk what is best. I want to do what I want, and i want to avoid this stress. I need some new perspective, fresh opinions...
    • Reply
  • Estrella
    Dedicated October 2021
    Estrella ·
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    Thanks! You're right when it comes to weddings everyone will make a fuss and get offended over the slightest things. That's what I am hoping will not happen. I don't want family and friends that are not invited to take things personal.
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