How do i get the ball rolling? So frustrated.

Can you sit down & have a conversation with him? Explain how you are feeling, and how you feel he is dragging his feet and delaying things? It really doesn't take long to put together a budget, you guys can do that in an evening. I imagine July 2020 venues are mostly already booked so you have to book ASAP if you want to secure that time. Maybe say you can look for evening or weekend work if he isn't comfortable funding the whole wedding?

You don't have any control over the money in your household? Not even to put down $150? This just seems like a bigger issue if the engagement has gone on for 5 years and he won't commit to a wedding he doesn't have to plan or pay for? If I were you, I'd tell him it needs to happen or you both need couples counseling.

I agree with you, he is dragging his feet. Sometimes I think men just don't get why a wedding is so important! Its not just a party or a pretty dress, it is a significant day where two people become one family! I also agree with Mrs. D that venues are going to get snatched up if they haven't been already. I would explain to him that this is an urgent matter, as you can't plan a wedding until a venue is set in stone.

If he resists, I would suggest getting premartial counseling. There would have to be some deeper issue than money if he continually changes things and upsets you! Its not fair to you at all. You are giving 110%, he needs to do his share!

Good luck! We're rooting for you! Keep us updated!

I think regardless, you just need to talk & make a decision. I can't really relate, I wanted a big wedding and my husband was fine with whatever so we didn't have any issues with planning. But it sounds like you just really want to be married (and I'm sure he does too) so you should just figure out how that can happen whether it's the 60 person wedding or eloping.

I definitely think you need to have a serious conversation with him (whether on your own or with a counselor) and ask him what's truly holding him back. If it's the wedding itself and not spending the money, you need to find out why it isn't a priority to give you what you truly want. At the end of the day, the whole point is to marry your person and if that has to happen in a courthouse, that's what has to happen. But I think there are underlying issues if he makes plenty of money, you've been engaged 5 years, and he still can't commit to a $150 down payment. Not at all saying he doesn't want to marry you, but you've have compromised so much it seems and he isn't budging. My fiance wanted a big wedding, I didn't at first. But I wanted to make him happy and once I got into the planning, I am so excited for our big wedding. Our engagement will be right at a year when we get married and even though we've lived together for years, we still wanted a celebration of our love. We both saw it that way. So even if you've lived together for years, if you want a wedding, it just seems wrong for him to deny you even a small wedding. Talk, make sure he really wants a marriage with you, understand the wedding isn't everything, but also help him understand that things that are important to you should also be important to him.

Also one last word of advice. I got married once before. We were young and dumb. He tried to postpone the wedding because he was having second thoughts and after talking things through I came to the conclusion (falsely) that he was just having jitters about the wedding itself and I convinced him to go through with it. Long story short, 2 1/2 years of pain, loneliness, and wasted time to figure out that I should've saw that red flag and ran.

I definitely do NOT think you are being a bridezilla and I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I think there’s just a big miscommunication. I’ll be honest, our wedding itself was my fiance’s Idea, but as soon as we decided we were going to do it, I ran with it. And he’s had some serious sticker shock more than once. For someone who’s never planned or even been around weddings, it’s overwhelming to see the cost of everything. So I think a little bit of hesitation is normal. I agree with the previous poster about sitting down with him and laying out your whole budget. Just make sure that you do research first and can give him the most accurate information. Our guesses for what we were going to spend were way less than what we are actually ending up spending because we had no idea what we were doing going in. And while we are both very excited for the wedding, we’ve also both felt and said on more than one occasion that if we had known how much it was going to cost us, we would’ve just saved our money and went on a super extravagant vacation. So I think that putting it all out there could help you both communicate what your priorities are, and come to some sort of middle ground agreement. Maybe a small wedding like you want, but a bigger honeymoon? Give him something to look forward to! My fiancé talks about our honeymoon non stop. He’s so excited for that trip and I think it helps with the anxiety and stress of wedding planning.

There are so many layers here the more I read haha

1. Thanks for sharing because I am sure there are a few people that can relate!

2. I don't think that you are being unreasonable

3. I think you are right and there is more going on that is not being shared by him

4. I am super type A and I like things to be planned. So I would personally set a hard date that I needed the money by (a year in advance like you said). He already said he liked the venue and you already agreed on a date so he just needs a firm day. Because it is so far away he doesn't feel pressure to plan ahead. If he fails to adhere to the date use your money and he will reimburse you. So it is really a win win haha 😂

I let my fiancé choose one thing about our wedding because lets face it, they don't care like we do haha but he liked feeling involved and happily tells people the one part he has planned.

Also, because it seems to be such a source of contention right now, try to shift it (no matter how hard it is) to a more positive thing. Planning is stressing you out and he feels pressured. He has to see it as a value to him... talk about the memories he can share with his son (family) and how special that memory will be for the rest of your lives!

I think I am rambling now, hope that helps 😂

That's so amazing!! Thank you for the update!