How do I express that I don't want an engagement party/bridal shower/bachelorette?

Well, first of all: "No," is a complete sentence. Unfortunately, I'm a fairly blunt person so I don't know what to tell you about sounding ungrateful.

I would tell them just what you told us! That is all very reasonable and genuine. We didn't have an engagement party, and I'm only having a shower because my MOH put it together (only closest friends, hopefully 10 people max!). You don't need to suffer through things that just aren't you!

I've tried soft "no's" on multiple occasions but have been completely overruled with feminine gushing. They are convinced that I'm missing out on enjoying being engaged. To be honest, as unromantic as it sounds, FI and I just want to be married and get on with our lives as Husband and Wife - that's the part we're most excited about. The only reason we did not elope is because the wedding was too important for both of our families.

A soft no apparently isn't going to work. You'll just have to say "Ladies, I'm not interested in pre-wedding events. I'm very excited to be marrying FH but I am not going to be a part of any bridal showers or bachelorette parties. It's so sweet of you to offer! Pass the peas/have you seen the news/how have you been?"

We also yold people that we wanted to drive all the excitement into the wedding day, and that we weren't interested in countless mini celebrations leading up to the big day. Good luck!

@Future Mrs. thank you for that suggestion! I think that's an interesting way to put it and might actually convince them as opposed to my "oh-we-don't-want-to-make-a-fuss" handwringing. I feel bad because they seem so excited about it (perhaps even more excited than I am about wedding planning - whoops!).

If they don't budge I mean there's nothing you can do just show up and have fun !! Lol

Hahaha don't worry, you guys can be excited in your own way, doesn't have to be loud giggly and something out of a movie! I hope my suggestion works for you, it really did the trick for us!

I have a very small bridal party and told them "thanks so much for the offer , but no shower please". They insisted on a fun Bachelorette and are keeping it small.

I wanted to add that you're not alone. I feel the same way, almost guilty for receiving that kind of attention and concerned that the actual wedding day won't live up to expectations. In my case I'm just letting it go and am hoping to have fun. You certainly don't have to do this, especially if it's very uncomfortable for you. PPs have suggested respectful ways of giving a firm no. I just wanted to chip in and say that those feelings aren't rare.

Completely agree with Maria! People assume every bride wants alllllll this fuss, but it isn't true! Be gracious, but be yourself and enjoy your engagement your way!

@Maria, thank you It's good to know that I'm not the only one. It sounds strange, but sometimes I almost feel like I'm depriving them of part of the "wedding experience" by declining! I'd love to have a nice girls-day-out - but three separate events seems so excessive in comparison to my little wedding plans!

Be polite but firm. "I appreciate your kind thoughts but I really would prefer not to have a shower"

Glad it helped. Best of luck Jenny!

I had the same issue with my mom, after weeks of panicking I called her and said The wedding is enough attention I really didn't want a engagement party- plus I thought it was too much extra money. She said. "Ok" I'll put that money towards the photographer. I was so surprised how easy the conversation went. I HATE BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. My mom understood.

Just say thank you to them and accept it. I am sure you spent just as much money on them when they got married and you didn't think twice about it.

Ask for only 1 party. That way it's a win - win as you only have to attend one of those. It's okay to ask for no gifts at the party as well, just suggest you would prefer the special time with loved ones. Maybe allow your "planners of the parties" to help with decor in the wedding or something if they aren't satisfied with one party.